[drabble][Naruto, Haku, PG] What Could Have Been

[ajremix]

I am totally digging on this challenge.

Title: What Could Have Been
Fandom: Naruto
Rating: PG
Word Count: 263
Characters: Haku
In Response to: naruto100’s My Not So Happy Ending
Summary: AU. A ‘could have been’ from long ago.




Isn’t it strange how people wish things were different? That maybe if they made a different choice everything would be okay?

For example, there was that dark haired boy from Konoha. The one that you killed.

Maybe you didn’t have to kill him but he was a threat to Zabuza-sama. Anyone a potential threat to your beloved master deserved nothing less then death.

But what if you didn’t kill him? Kept him in that floating space between life and death? After all, you didn’t expect that blonde child to suddenly explode with chakra- vile and nerve-crawling, the feel made you sick to your stomach.

And maybe if this strange creature hadn’t attacked you so mercilessly (like an animal, or a creature from the bowels of hell, come to finish what your parents couldn’t) maybe you would’ve been able to pay attention to other things.

Important things.

Like Zabuza-sama.

Maybe if you hadn’t killed the boy, you wouldn’t have brought out this demon. And if you weren’t fighting this demon, you might’ve noticed the danger Zabuza-sama was in. And maybe you could have saved him.

But instead you’re huddled over his body and sobbing into the hole in his chest that’s long since been drained of both blood and warmth and you’re not even caring about the raging, venomous chakra that’s crawling over the back of your skull and gnashing teeth against your back.

Instead, you close your master’s eyes and hold him tightly against you and you think how much more wonderful it would’ve been if you could have died for him instead.

Comments

[inmyskirt.livejournal.com]

As nicely written as that is, that is not a drabble. >.> There are several things you could have reworded or cut out to lower the word count.

A drabble isn't a drabble if it is more than 100 words long.

[idiosyn.livejournal.com]

Really? Most places I'm with consider a drabble anything less then 300 words (which I still have a tendency of sometimes going over anyway).

It's very rare for me to do anything less then 100, honestly ^^;;

[inmyskirt.livejournal.com]

naruto100 <- Do you know why the community's name has 100 in it? Because drabbles are supposed to be 100 words. It's a form of writing, a challenge. For example, a haiku would not be a haiku if it wasn't in its 5-7-5 syllable form.

I do believe a basic reasoning for the 100 words is to make you a better writer, because you have to express everything in a measly 100 words.

I'm not trying to be mean either. This is just me being blunt and honest.

[farli.livejournal.com]

Actually, the official word limit for the community, set waaay back by setodragon not long after naruto100 first opened, is 500 words.

Generally, we don't stand on ceremony here, although most of us are fully aware that a 'true' drabble is 100 words. :)

[inmyskirt.livejournal.com]

Even so I think I've seen a few drabbles over 500 which is definatly overkill. :D

I just hope people actually know what a drabble is, thats all.

[farli.livejournal.com]

Oh, that I'm fully aware of. ^^ And most people usually do -- although I am not exempt from hitting the limit: My first ever fic for Naruto was for the 'unusual pairings' challenge and hit 1k in word length. X3 (Oops?)

[inmyskirt.livejournal.com]

That's definatly and "oops" moment. XD

[idiosyn.livejournal.com]

Oh, I'm not insulted or anything. I know you're just pointing it out. I'm just hard pressed to keep things under 300 words as it is, it's almost impossible for me to do 100. Then again, maybe I'm just longwinded^^;;

[inmyskirt.livejournal.com]

I'm longwinded too, XD But I try to write 100-word drabbles, I would love to see what your drabbles would be like if they became shorter. ^_^

I'm know I'm putting my head in sling over this but...

[bhanesidhe.livejournal.com]

On-line slang not withstanding: as a needlessly pedantic writer-friend of mine pointed out, "drabble" means "To make or become wet and soiled by dragging; draggle".

I will agree that '100' communities tend to encourage entries that maintain that word count exactly, but if the challenge didn't specify 'must be a hundred words exact' than the implication is null and void. It's sad really, considering most high quality archives don't consider 100 words redeemable fiction, but scrutinizing someone for having too little or too much when it isn't specified is an aimless criticism.

Re: I'm know I'm putting my head in sling over this but...

[inmyskirt.livejournal.com]

I remember reading about the meaning of drabble, that's funny.

This is mostly just my opinion. If the community even puts it in there username then I think people should treat it like one of those hidden rules and follow it. Or I would hope they stop calling it a drabble if it is over 100 words, because then it's more like a short fanfic. Again, it really is just my opinion and I'm just speaking up with it.

I don't think this is aimless criticism either. Considering the communty's username should provoke some thought to as what the '100' means.

Re: I'm know I'm putting my head in sling over this but...

[doomturtle.livejournal.com]

I've seen the word count debate come up in different threads in the past in this community, and the general feeling back then was not to keep it to the strict 100 wc, but to have it loose. I think it was decided something like under 1000 words, but my memory is weak towards specifics like that.

[bhanesidhe.livejournal.com]

I fear I'm dooming myself by commenting twice on this post, but we like to live dangerously.

Out of all the scenarios this challenge could have brought up, this was probably the least-likely in my mind, which is what makes it so standout. I love the youthful questioning, because it isn't exactly innocence, because Haku could never really be that, but there is still that doubt and hesitation that makes him so remarkably pure. I really liked this piece. Thank you for sharing it.

[mipi.livejournal.com]

Wonderful. Most people are looking for a not-so-happy ending in the future... far future, yet you chose to create on in the past. Amazing.

And to comment on the story itself..

[farli.livejournal.com]

Just one change to how things fell in the first arc, and boom, a different tale is told. Well written, and very nice flow to the words.

[stormcoming.livejournal.com]

Very nicely written, and concerning the word thing, I just call mine ficlets to avoid the whole word count thing. I have almost never been able to get mine 100 words or less for mine, maybe because I like to talk and therefore like to write so much? Whatever that cause, I greatly enjoyed this, it was Haku, and that was good, and it's past instead of future, which is unusual. I compliment you!