ajremix | [drabble][Transformers, Sideswipe, PG] Paint (does not) Make the 'Bot

So there's this community called

lover100 that I decided, for the hell of it, to take up. Unofficially. I've decided- just to see if I can -to take up table C for Prowl and Sideswipe because antagonistic relationships are my weakness. Of course, that being said the first one I do is pure gen and Prowl is only there in idea (and one line). Oh well.

Title: Paint (does not) Make the 'Bot
Fandom: Transformers G1
Rating: PG
Word Count: 892
Characters: Sideswipe, others mentioned
Summary: Prompt: Uniform. Women love a man in uniform.

Carly had said, back when someone had noted that humans seem more comfortable dealing with Prowl than most other Autobots, that humans have a conditioned response to uniforms. It automatically gives the impression that the wearer- in this case, Prowl –was responsible, intelligent, in control and a capable leader. They were people that others could depend on to deal with issues most others couldn’t. Which was also why most human women found human males in uniform to be very sexy.

Sideswipe, who believed that anyone with the personality of a broken food processor (or Prowl), could not be any more sexy than a fun, energetic, handsome and devastatingly charming mech like himself to which Carly patted his ankle and said ‘You keep telling yourself that’.

Which, ultimately, was a challenge. And Sideswipe never turned down a challenge. He gathered all the Autobots (that was guaranteed to not ruin this for him) into the common area and lay the gauntlet down for them. The human women are finding Prowl more attractive than the rest of them which, at the root of it all, was just Sideswipe turning this into some popularity contest- but the fact of the matter was Prowl was getting more attention than them! It had to be because humans were brain damaged some how. En masse. The black-and-white paint was like some subliminal sign because Prowl had the charisma of a of a piece of string. He said things and then looked at you in the way that said ‘and I’ll bet you did not understand a word that came out of my mouth’-

“No, Sideswipe,” Trailbreaker said with a bemused look, “I’m pretty sure it’s just you. Because you never pay attention to a thing he says.”

“That’s besides the point. The point is that Prowl’s paint scheme gets him he attention that he doesn’t deserve.” And then he smiled his biggest, most charming smile that made everyone automatically look around for any traps that were being sprung. Instead, Sideswipe stepped aside to reveal bucket upon bucket of white and black paints.

“Slag no.” Sunstreaker said. Then turned to leave. Others were moving to follow but Sideswipe moved in front of them.

“C’mon, Sunny!” He put on his most winning look even as his twin growled at the nickname. “Are you just going to let Prowl take all the attention that naturally handsome mechs like you and me should get just because of some random paint placement?”

“You are not painting me black and white. It would be hideous and I would pull the cables out of your midsection and choke you with them if you tried.”

Oh, that was just what Sideswipe needed. He gave Sunstreaker a look that translated to ‘your words, not mind’. “So you’re saying that Prowl can do black and white better than you can?”

“Prowl can’t compete with me in looks.” And then Sunstreaker’s jaw clicked shut as he just realized what he walked into. “I hate you and I hope you die a very painful death.”

Sideswipe formed a little heart on his chest with his hands before turning to the others. There really wasn’t many against the idea (just Hound who claimed he was already technically a uniformed vehicle given his military jeep alt mode, Bluestreak who said it probably violated some rule impersonating an officer, Jazz who said he was already black and white, Tracks who refused to be painted until Sunstreaker started chewing out the pretty pansy, Bumblebee who couldn’t seem to understand just what Sideswipe was hoping to achieve and, well, okay everyone seemed to be against it) but the end justified any arm twisting done to get everyone to agree.

So, the following day the Ark was filled with black and whites. Bumblebee, Bluestreak, Tracks, Hound, Trailbreaker, the twins, Cliffjumper, Jazz, Wheeljack- even the Dinobots through some Christmas miracle all went around in Prowls color scheme as if it were any other day. The twins even went so far as to put red chevrons on their helmets to be authentic.

When the first of the recolors passed by Optimus Prime and Ironhide, both of them just starred. When the second one did, they exchanged glances. By the time the fifth went by, they went off to find Prowl (almost got Bluestreak if it weren’t for the shoulder mounts) with identical looks to which Prowl cut them off with a bland expression before they could even ask.

“No. I do not know.” Nor did he particularly want to. He heard enough of it when Ratchet had laughed himself sick all over Prowl’s desk after he saw black and white Aerialbots hanging around the energon dispenser earlier. They had all the details to the shield decals, mounted lights, even HIGHWAY PATROL and POLICE lettering across the doors and aft. Obviously they all had too much time on their hands.

When Carly finally entered Ark and saw the abrupt color change, she stopped and put her hands up to her face, just standing and looking. Sideswipe, utterly confidant that the 2IC had absolutely nothing (but rank) over the Lamborghini now, strutted up to the human and beamed. “Well?” He asked, posing. “Now this is sexy, right?”

She starred up at Sideswipe with wide eyes for a long moment before bursting out with hysterical laughter. “All of you look so ridiculous!”