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ajremixThis one is for my indecisive senpai. Enjoy^-^
Ready to take in more challenges, so post away. To submit a challenge, read the guidelines in my profiles page.
Title: The Dark Will See Us Through
Series: Naruto
Rating: PG-13 for talk of rape and sex and a bit of angst
Word Count: 492 (whittled from 559)
Character: Iruka and Kakashi
Summary: One of Kakashi’s secrets comes out
In Response to:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
pastles
The life of a ninja is highly strenuous on the body and especially the mind. It was a fact emphasized as the children went through the academy. The high in ranking one went, the more death and terrors they saw. It was only natural they’d have nightmares of things they’ve done, things they should’ve done, the morals they failed to keep. Iruka knew Kakashi had such nightmares, but the jounin would curl himself around them, wouldn’t allow anyone else to see them and the scars they bore. There wasn’t a lot Kakashi told anyone, even Iruka. He hid everything- maybe for protection, maybe out of habit –and even the nights couldn’t pry them out.
Their relationship, just below the surface of ‘in the open’ (because Kakashi was a hopeless flirt) was also progression v-e-r-y-s-l-o-w-l-y. Despite the teasing and the flirting, actually getting Kakashi into bed was like pulling teeth. And trying to do anything more than that was even worse. And it left Iruka highly frustrated.
The closest they had come, Kakashi leaning over Iruka, hungry and tight, he suddenly stopped. Not a word was said, he just became utterly still and Iruka couldn’t understand why.
“Kakashi?” He asked. His hands were warm on Kakashi’s chest. “What’s wrong?”
For a long moment neither did a thing. Then, very slowly, almost painfully, Kakashi pushed away. Turning his back he muttered something that could’ve been ‘I’m sorry’ or ‘good night’.
A week after that failed attempt Iruka was still looking at Kakashi’s back. He knew the jounin was awake, his level breathing interrupted by the sudden awareness after another secret nightmare.
Iruka placed a hand on a bare shoulder. “Kakashi….”
Then, in a broken whisper, he heard, “I raped her.”
Iruka’s eyes widened and his grip tightened subtly. “Who?”
“I was an ANBU then. I was young and stupid.” He tried to bury his head into the pillow. “I loved her but she just used me. It hurt and I wanted to hurt her back.” Tension sang in Kakashi’s body but his voice remained steady. “I hated myself for losing control, I hated myself for everything I’ve done, for being so weak. I’m afraid I’ll hurt you the same way because I love you even more.”
“Kakashi.” Iruka said gently, tracing soft kisses down the line of his shoulder. “You have no idea how frustrating you are.” Iruka smiled against Kakashi’s skin. “If I didn’t want to be with you we wouldn’t be here, together. There were so many nights we’d come so close and you’d pull away. I wanted to hate you, but I knew you had reasons.”
Gently he eased Kakashi onto his back, running kind finger through silvery hair. “There is /nothing/ you could do to hurt me.” Iruka leaned down, brushing their lips and Kakashi pulled him tight. Iruka believed he saw a rare uncertainty in his mismatched eyes.
“I love you, Kakashi.” He promised softly. “Nothing will change that.”
Ready to take in more challenges, so post away. To submit a challenge, read the guidelines in my profiles page.
Title: The Dark Will See Us Through
Series: Naruto
Rating: PG-13 for talk of rape and sex and a bit of angst
Word Count: 492 (whittled from 559)
Character: Iruka and Kakashi
Summary: One of Kakashi’s secrets comes out
In Response to:
pastlesThe life of a ninja is highly strenuous on the body and especially the mind. It was a fact emphasized as the children went through the academy. The high in ranking one went, the more death and terrors they saw. It was only natural they’d have nightmares of things they’ve done, things they should’ve done, the morals they failed to keep. Iruka knew Kakashi had such nightmares, but the jounin would curl himself around them, wouldn’t allow anyone else to see them and the scars they bore. There wasn’t a lot Kakashi told anyone, even Iruka. He hid everything- maybe for protection, maybe out of habit –and even the nights couldn’t pry them out.
Their relationship, just below the surface of ‘in the open’ (because Kakashi was a hopeless flirt) was also progression v-e-r-y-s-l-o-w-l-y. Despite the teasing and the flirting, actually getting Kakashi into bed was like pulling teeth. And trying to do anything more than that was even worse. And it left Iruka highly frustrated.
The closest they had come, Kakashi leaning over Iruka, hungry and tight, he suddenly stopped. Not a word was said, he just became utterly still and Iruka couldn’t understand why.
“Kakashi?” He asked. His hands were warm on Kakashi’s chest. “What’s wrong?”
For a long moment neither did a thing. Then, very slowly, almost painfully, Kakashi pushed away. Turning his back he muttered something that could’ve been ‘I’m sorry’ or ‘good night’.
A week after that failed attempt Iruka was still looking at Kakashi’s back. He knew the jounin was awake, his level breathing interrupted by the sudden awareness after another secret nightmare.
Iruka placed a hand on a bare shoulder. “Kakashi….”
Then, in a broken whisper, he heard, “I raped her.”
Iruka’s eyes widened and his grip tightened subtly. “Who?”
“I was an ANBU then. I was young and stupid.” He tried to bury his head into the pillow. “I loved her but she just used me. It hurt and I wanted to hurt her back.” Tension sang in Kakashi’s body but his voice remained steady. “I hated myself for losing control, I hated myself for everything I’ve done, for being so weak. I’m afraid I’ll hurt you the same way because I love you even more.”
“Kakashi.” Iruka said gently, tracing soft kisses down the line of his shoulder. “You have no idea how frustrating you are.” Iruka smiled against Kakashi’s skin. “If I didn’t want to be with you we wouldn’t be here, together. There were so many nights we’d come so close and you’d pull away. I wanted to hate you, but I knew you had reasons.”
Gently he eased Kakashi onto his back, running kind finger through silvery hair. “There is /nothing/ you could do to hurt me.” Iruka leaned down, brushing their lips and Kakashi pulled him tight. Iruka believed he saw a rare uncertainty in his mismatched eyes.
“I love you, Kakashi.” He promised softly. “Nothing will change that.”
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Date: 2004-06-15 08:03 pm (UTC)