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ajremixNow I'm going to go home and let my brain recover over a nice, long weekend as the next time I foresee myself getting back online is Sunday night. So beware- it is a very, VERY rough chapter.
And? Thanks for the ride, everyone. Finishing long series gives you such a rush (mostly of relief, I've always found) it's almost not funny.
Title: Come What May – The Caged Bird
Fandom: Bleach
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 2970
Characters: Nemu, Ikkaku, Mayuri
Summary: Following Rundown, Top of the Caste, Smile for Me, Setting Stages, Daily Reprieve, Odds Against, One Step Beyond, Seating Arrangements, Distances Between, Time Misspent, Burnt Bridges, Ties that Break, Impulse, Limit Break Pt.1, Limit Break Pt.2, Never is a Long Time and Breakaway. An experiment, if you will. The last flight.
If there was only one thing about Ikkaku that Nemu could be thankful for it would probably be his ability to know when and how to keep pushing her forward. Especially at a time like now when she was on the verge of waffling on the most important decision of her life. But when they’d sit back to back, her head against his shoulder and him talking about whatever, whenever he was there it reaffirmed her belief in her decision. So certain about her choice in both path and relationship that she even surprised herself at her own boldness.
It was during one of the nights he’d sneak into her room, when they hadn’t been able to talk for most of the week. He crouched next to Nemu as she inched a panel of the wall out of the way. “So what’s up?” He propped an elbow on a knee. “Need my help?”
Nemu shook her head. Finally she was able to reach into the gap. “I want you to meet someone very special to me.”
“Special?”
She smiled and it was almost anxious around the edges. “The greatest thing that’s ever come into my life since you.”
Ikkaku gave an embarrassed chuckle and rubbed his neck. “Yeah, well…” His attention was drawn back to Nemu when she sat back on her heels, pulling an object from the hollow in the wall.
“Ikkaku, I’d like you to meet Horaizonnoakaiokan.
~*~*~*~
Nemu took a deep breath. She could do this. It had to be done so that meant she HAD to do it. She took another breath. There’s no choice in the matter. If she wanted to live her own life it had to be done and it had to be done now. She took another breath. It’s okay. Horaizonnoakaiokan and Ikkaku were there to watch her back. She took another breath. Don’t shake, don’t be afraid. Just do what you have to. She took another breath and dimly realized that she was hyperventilating.
“Oi, oi.” Ikkaku gently thumped her back. “Calm down.”
“You needn’t worry.” Horaizonnoakaiokan twittered in her mind. “You will not be hurt.”
“Just do what you gotta do.” Ikaku rubbed the tension out of the back of her neck.
“We are both here. You are not alone.”
Nemu took a last deep breath, held it for a few seconds and slowly blew it out. She turned, smiling warmly at Ikkaku. “Thank you.” She told them both. “I think… I think I can do this now.”
“Good.” He gave her shoulder one last squeeze. Except instead of letting her go, he pulled Nemu against his chest and said into her ear, “I’m right here. Never forget that.”
She covered his hand with hers. “Thank you.”
As Nemu rose her hand to knock on the doorframe, Horaizonnoakaiokan fairly purred. “I like Madarame more and more as time goes on.” She hid a smile as almost immediately after the knock Mayuri barked sharply, ‘Enter!’
Nemu entered the room with a bow before sliding the door closed behind her. “Mayuri-sama.”
He glared in return, notes in hand and scattered across his desk. “Why are you interrupting me? I didn’t call for you.”
“I apologize, Mayuri-sama. I…” Calm down, Nemu told herself. Calm down and do what you must. “I have a matter to discuss with you.”
“You? Something YOU want to discuss?” Mayuri set his papers aside and narrowed his eyes carefully. “What needs to be discussed?”
Nemu’s hand came up, shaking minutely. In it was a scroll with Yamamoto-soutaichou’s seal marked plainly. “This is a confirmation of a transfer request.”
“Don’t bother me with such minor details!” He snapped. “If someone can’t endure then I have no use for them- you know that!”
“I-It’s my request of transfer.”
Mayuri froze and the whole room froze with him. The air in Nemu’s lungs seemed to stop and press against her, inside and out. “You requested a transfer?” Mayuri hissed and his spirit pressure crept around them. Not as blatant as some of the other captains’ but it probed and pricked like tiny needles jabbing into the pores and no less terrifying. “You went behind my back!? YOU??” His jaw clenched furiously- so much rage to spew and no words to hold it. In his frustration he kicked the desk aside. It splintered and jumped and crumpled against a wall.
“Mayuri-sama, I’m…” sorry, she might have said- she didn’t really know. But it felt like scalpels ghosting over her, memories of cuts and blood dripping over her skin.
“You’re what!?” Her father roared, grasping at the air. “You were supposed to be my greatest achievement! You were supposed to give me the recognition I deserved! Instead you’re just a failure! A weak, simple-minded failure!”
His steps echoed and hung eerily around her and Nemu was disjointed by the cold and the needles and the phantom blood and his words. “You dare to betray me? I created you, I fathered you, I raised you to be obedient- to be capable! I GAVE YOU MY LIFE!” His pressure pushed around her and Nemu fell back, almost cowering under his hateful glare. “I crafted you to be perfection! All that you are is by my doing and you continually fail me!”
I-I can’t do this, she realized. All his sharp retorts, flashes of anger, stinging blows- those were nothing compared to the fury she was suddenly exposed to. She held herself tightly, shivering under the onslaught. No. Everything before was merely annoyance, a passing irritation. This was true anger and Nemu couldn’t face it.
Help me. Something deep inside of her cried, fading and withering under the frozen anger of her father. Help me, the tiny voice whimpered, but Nemu didn’t know how. Help…
Something pushed against her, rocking like ships on an ocean. It pushed her and bobbed her up- warm and gentle. Except when it pushed again- around her, before her –it clashed against Mayuri’s force. The hot and the cold collided fiercely and the force of it sent papers scattering off the desk and whipped Nemu’s braid back.
Mayuri’s eyes narrowed and he hissed between gnashing teeth. “Why is HE here?”
“I,” she took a breath, the warmth making it easier to breath and think, “I asked him to come.”
“You asked…” He snarled. “You… I FORBADE you to ever speak to him and yet you ASKED him to come HERE??”
“He is my friend.”
“YOU HAVE NO FRIENDS!!” When he raised his hand to strike, the sea surged and crashed against his wrist with a cry that lingered like a bird’s. Mayuri eyes widened in disbelief as he realized what that was. “…you have the gall to associate with that hoodlum AND bring back your sword? I AM YOUR FATHER!”
He grasped the hilt of Ashisogi Jizou, only to feel the whisper of steel resting on the inside of his wrist.
“How ‘bout you let your zanpakuto go nice and slow like,” the blade pressed in just slightly, “and you won’t be cuttin’ your own wrist and everyone’s happy. For the most part.”
Mayuri snarled, reluctantly easing his grip and his arm away from the sword. “You must’ve been knocked around too many times by that ryoka, Madarame.” He spat the name like a curse. “You’re still no where near capable of fighting me.”
Ikkaku smirked right back. “Regardless if that’s the case or not, I ain’t here to fight you right now. So, instead we’re both gonna stand here and let Nemu say what she’s gotta say.” He sheathed Hozukimaru and it was then Mayuri noticed the second sword stuck in his belt. Ikkaku took the black-leather wrapped sword and held it out to Nemu. Mayuri watched this exchange with a toothy scowl.
She took it gratefully, closing her eyes to focus on the familiar feel and weight and presence of it. It stilled her and when she opened her eyes again her calm had returned. “Mayuri-sama,” she said slowly, “I’m sorry. I’ve tried so hard to be everything you wanted me to be, I’ve tried so hard to be someone you could be proud of but all I ever do is disappoint you. I obeyed you to the best of my abilities and I’ve been as attentive to your needs as I could and when it became apparent that I could never please you I tried so hard to at least not fail you. But I have and I’m sorry.”
Ikkaku’s eyes darkened. “Nemu-“
She shook her head, interrupting him. “I’m truly sorry, Mayuri-sama. I can’t be what you want. I can’t give you the pride and the distinction you’ve worked so hard for. I can’t give you any happiness or honor and I’m sorry. I’m flawed and I’m useless and I can’t do everything you tell me to.” Nemu’s hands shook but her determination was never as blatant as it was at that moment. “I have my own dreams and my own hopes. I wish to get stronger and become more capable, but it’s as much for my own sake and my own reasons as it is for yours. This is my decision, Mayuri-sama, and all I ask is for you to respect that.”
For a long, long moment Mayuri was still. Then he voice creaked like a tremor, cracking foundations and tearing at the earth from inside. “Do you dare try to throw me away?” His hands flexed at his sides. “You dare think you can just toss me away like garbage?” His voice was rapidly gaining volume and intensity and both Nemu and Ikkaku flinched under the sudden influx of pressure. “I created you! I own every bit of you and you DARE to throw ME away!? YOU DARE LOOK DOWN ON ME LIKE ALL THE OTHERS?? And what will you do without me, idiot child!?! Stay with HIM? The muscle buffoon and his incompetent division? I’ve given you everything and you throw it back in my face so you can play whore to a bunch of degenerate thugs??”
Something snapped in Ikkaku’s mind. He grabbed a fistful of Mayuri’s coat and ran him into a wall so hard the frames shook. Nemu actually shrieked, “IKKAKU!”
His forearm braced against Mayuri’s throat like a lead bar. “You listen,” he snarled at the captain, “and you better listen fuckin’ good ‘cause I’m sick and fuckin’ tired of this shit. She ain’t yours. You never had any right to treat her the way you do and it ain’t happenin’ again ‘cause if it does I’m gonna crush your fuckin’ face in. Don’t think I forgot all the shit you put me through in the academy. I remember every goddamn experiment, every one that landed me in fuckin’ medical- I remember ever little pain you put me through and don’t think I haven’t been wantin’ to pay you back for each and every goddamn one.
“But I ain’t ‘cause Nemu doesn’t want you to get hurt. Me, though?” Ikkaku pressed his arm tighter against Mayuri’s throat. “Nothing I think you deserve more than hangin’. But I can play the better man. I’ll let all that shit pass. But if you ever – EVER -hurt Nemu in any way again, I will end you. She’s put up with your bullshit and I’ve had to stand back and let her get beat up and chewed out and abused every fuckin’ which way and if I ever find out you’ve hurt her again I will hunt you down and slaughter you like a fuckin’ pig. GOT IT?”
Mayuri’s sneer widened. “Do you honestly think YOU can overpower-“ abruptly he cut off, eyes darting to the side, then to Nemu as she stood gripping her sword as if it were the only thing that made sense anymore. His scowl receded into a frown. “Get out.” He said flatly. “All of you. And don’t dare come back.”
Ikkaku snarled, not satisfied with the answer in the least, but as his grip tightened, knuckles bruising into the skin, a hand tugged at his sleeve.
“Ikkaku.” Nemu said softly, her head kept carefully down. She didn’t say anything else, but he could see the edges of her lips quivering under the shadows of her bangs. Jaw clenched and with great reluctance, Ikkaku let her fath- no, not anymore –the captain go. With a final, withering glare over his shoulder, Ikkaku put a hand to Nemu’s back, supporting her as they left.
When the door slid closed behind them, Nemu fell to the ground, hand stuffed against her mouth as she hiccuped.
“Nemu.” He knelt down next to her. “Nemu, don’t.” Ikkaku pulled her hand away and she gasped loudly between her tears. “Nemu, shhh… Don’t cry.” He cupped her cheeks gently, brushing back her hair. “C’mon, don’t. He doesn’t deserve your tears.”
But she gripped tightly to his uniform, her voice a soft wail low in her throat. Cursing all sorts of hell to himself, Ikkaku pulled Nemu against him, tucking her under his chin and balling her up in his arms. She cried into his chest, trembling violently as wave after wave of repressed pain and hurt and frustration and fear broke her. She fell apart curled up on the floor of the 12th division, heart and nerves raw. And there she was slowly rebuilt to the steady rhythm of Ikkaku’s heartbeat and the weight of his arms around her. She was forged by the heat of his presence, tempered by the soft whispers in her ears and the tender kisses against her hair. Her faith and her pride and her dreams were smashed, scattered and rusting. But a new hope unfurled in the collapsed ruins of her heart and brought with it another life. This one already thriving under the promise of being nurtured and protected and loved.
Ikkaku’s hand rubbed gently at the base of Nemu’s neck as her sobs eventually ceased and her breathing evened slowly. He placed another kiss against her temple. “You okay?” He asked softly. She nodded into his collarbone. “’S good.” But he made no move to get up and neither did she.
The door to the outer walkway suddenly slid back and Ikkaku was surprised to see Yumichika sticking his head inside.
“Ah!” The fifth seat exclaimed. “There you are!”
Hand reflexively tightening over Nemu, Ikkaku asked, “Yumi? What’re you doin’ here?”
“Haven’t heard from you in a while. Just making sure you’re okay.” He nodded to Nemu. “ARE you two okay?”
“Yeah.” Ikkaku said resignedly. “More or less.”
“And…?” Yumichika tilted his head toward the captain’s office.
Che. “We ain’t gotta worry ‘bout him anymore if that’s what yer askin’.”
“That’s good! That’s all I needed to know!” He waved prettily at the two before bouncing off the walkway. “CAPTAIN~! They’re okay! They don’t need us anymore!”
Ikkaku blinked. Even Nemu pulled back marginally. “Huh?” The two exchanged glances before easing themselves off the floor and to the door. Ikkaku blinked against the noonday sun- ugh, the 12th division needed to invest in more windows –and Nemu stayed close at his side.
“See? They’re fine.”
Ikkaku’s jaw dropped and Nemu’s eyes widened. There, on the main lawn of the 12th division, was Yumichika, Zaraki and Yachiru. And Rangiku and Iba and Renji and Hisagi and Isane and Unohana and Ise and…
Ikkaku spluttered at them. “Wh-What the hell’re you all doin’ here!??”
“Same thing as you, dumbass.” Iba crossed his arms, apparently disappointed at the lack of bodily harm on the 3rd seat. “Makin’ sure you didn’t say something idiotic and get yer ass handed to ya.”
Rangiku punched Iba in the arm. “Support.” She corrected with a bright smile. “We came to support Nemu.” Then added vaguely. “And you. I guess.”
“Thanks.” Ikkaku said icily.
“Those are you’re friends, you know.”
He turned on Hisagi. “MY friends? What the hell does that make you?”
“The debt collector. Makin’ sure you didn’t kick the bucket ‘fore you paid me my money.”
“YOUR money? You cheated!”
“If you ain’t cheatin’, you ain’t tryin’. I believe you were the one to coin that phrase?”
“Che!” Ikkaku glared at the 9th division vice-captain. “I fuckin’ hate you.”
Unohana laughed brightly, gathering everyone’s attention. “Well, since they’re both in good spirits I believe we should be heading back to our respective divisions now?” Everyone muttered to themselves, Ise and Isane throwing out promises to see Nemu later, the guys waggling their eyebrows at Ikkaku and he flicked them off.
“Um!” Nemu suddenly stepped forward, startling everyone. She looked at them for a moment and finally came to the realization that… They were here to support her- support THEM. They cared for her, thought highly of her, believed her worth their time and energy and most she rarely spoke to. They came of their own volition for her sake.
The newly born hope- slowly beginning to beat to life –swelled under this realization and she couldn’t help the first smile it bore brightening her face- wide and honest and touched beyond words. She bowed deeply to them. “Thank you!” She said, warm tears glittering down her cheeks once more. “Thank you all so much!”
Most couldn’t help but grin in return, scuffling their feet in the dirt and flushing with pride- amazed to be able to see her smile so openly. “Oi, Ikkaku!” Zaraki bellowed with a mock sneer as others roared in agreement. “You better make that girl happy or I’m gonna shove my fist down yer throat!”
But Ikkaku smiled at Nemu’s beaming face, hand entwined with hers. It was the first time he’d ever seen her so happy and it was the first time anyone had every looked upon her pride. Ikkaku brought her hand to his lips, kissing the back of it gently. Softly he said, “Always.”
And? Thanks for the ride, everyone. Finishing long series gives you such a rush (mostly of relief, I've always found) it's almost not funny.
Title: Come What May – The Caged Bird
Fandom: Bleach
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 2970
Characters: Nemu, Ikkaku, Mayuri
Summary: Following Rundown, Top of the Caste, Smile for Me, Setting Stages, Daily Reprieve, Odds Against, One Step Beyond, Seating Arrangements, Distances Between, Time Misspent, Burnt Bridges, Ties that Break, Impulse, Limit Break Pt.1, Limit Break Pt.2, Never is a Long Time and Breakaway. An experiment, if you will. The last flight.
If there was only one thing about Ikkaku that Nemu could be thankful for it would probably be his ability to know when and how to keep pushing her forward. Especially at a time like now when she was on the verge of waffling on the most important decision of her life. But when they’d sit back to back, her head against his shoulder and him talking about whatever, whenever he was there it reaffirmed her belief in her decision. So certain about her choice in both path and relationship that she even surprised herself at her own boldness.
It was during one of the nights he’d sneak into her room, when they hadn’t been able to talk for most of the week. He crouched next to Nemu as she inched a panel of the wall out of the way. “So what’s up?” He propped an elbow on a knee. “Need my help?”
Nemu shook her head. Finally she was able to reach into the gap. “I want you to meet someone very special to me.”
“Special?”
She smiled and it was almost anxious around the edges. “The greatest thing that’s ever come into my life since you.”
Ikkaku gave an embarrassed chuckle and rubbed his neck. “Yeah, well…” His attention was drawn back to Nemu when she sat back on her heels, pulling an object from the hollow in the wall.
“Ikkaku, I’d like you to meet Horaizonnoakaiokan.
~*~*~*~
Nemu took a deep breath. She could do this. It had to be done so that meant she HAD to do it. She took another breath. There’s no choice in the matter. If she wanted to live her own life it had to be done and it had to be done now. She took another breath. It’s okay. Horaizonnoakaiokan and Ikkaku were there to watch her back. She took another breath. Don’t shake, don’t be afraid. Just do what you have to. She took another breath and dimly realized that she was hyperventilating.
“Oi, oi.” Ikkaku gently thumped her back. “Calm down.”
“You needn’t worry.” Horaizonnoakaiokan twittered in her mind. “You will not be hurt.”
“Just do what you gotta do.” Ikaku rubbed the tension out of the back of her neck.
“We are both here. You are not alone.”
Nemu took a last deep breath, held it for a few seconds and slowly blew it out. She turned, smiling warmly at Ikkaku. “Thank you.” She told them both. “I think… I think I can do this now.”
“Good.” He gave her shoulder one last squeeze. Except instead of letting her go, he pulled Nemu against his chest and said into her ear, “I’m right here. Never forget that.”
She covered his hand with hers. “Thank you.”
As Nemu rose her hand to knock on the doorframe, Horaizonnoakaiokan fairly purred. “I like Madarame more and more as time goes on.” She hid a smile as almost immediately after the knock Mayuri barked sharply, ‘Enter!’
Nemu entered the room with a bow before sliding the door closed behind her. “Mayuri-sama.”
He glared in return, notes in hand and scattered across his desk. “Why are you interrupting me? I didn’t call for you.”
“I apologize, Mayuri-sama. I…” Calm down, Nemu told herself. Calm down and do what you must. “I have a matter to discuss with you.”
“You? Something YOU want to discuss?” Mayuri set his papers aside and narrowed his eyes carefully. “What needs to be discussed?”
Nemu’s hand came up, shaking minutely. In it was a scroll with Yamamoto-soutaichou’s seal marked plainly. “This is a confirmation of a transfer request.”
“Don’t bother me with such minor details!” He snapped. “If someone can’t endure then I have no use for them- you know that!”
“I-It’s my request of transfer.”
Mayuri froze and the whole room froze with him. The air in Nemu’s lungs seemed to stop and press against her, inside and out. “You requested a transfer?” Mayuri hissed and his spirit pressure crept around them. Not as blatant as some of the other captains’ but it probed and pricked like tiny needles jabbing into the pores and no less terrifying. “You went behind my back!? YOU??” His jaw clenched furiously- so much rage to spew and no words to hold it. In his frustration he kicked the desk aside. It splintered and jumped and crumpled against a wall.
“Mayuri-sama, I’m…” sorry, she might have said- she didn’t really know. But it felt like scalpels ghosting over her, memories of cuts and blood dripping over her skin.
“You’re what!?” Her father roared, grasping at the air. “You were supposed to be my greatest achievement! You were supposed to give me the recognition I deserved! Instead you’re just a failure! A weak, simple-minded failure!”
His steps echoed and hung eerily around her and Nemu was disjointed by the cold and the needles and the phantom blood and his words. “You dare to betray me? I created you, I fathered you, I raised you to be obedient- to be capable! I GAVE YOU MY LIFE!” His pressure pushed around her and Nemu fell back, almost cowering under his hateful glare. “I crafted you to be perfection! All that you are is by my doing and you continually fail me!”
I-I can’t do this, she realized. All his sharp retorts, flashes of anger, stinging blows- those were nothing compared to the fury she was suddenly exposed to. She held herself tightly, shivering under the onslaught. No. Everything before was merely annoyance, a passing irritation. This was true anger and Nemu couldn’t face it.
Help me. Something deep inside of her cried, fading and withering under the frozen anger of her father. Help me, the tiny voice whimpered, but Nemu didn’t know how. Help…
Something pushed against her, rocking like ships on an ocean. It pushed her and bobbed her up- warm and gentle. Except when it pushed again- around her, before her –it clashed against Mayuri’s force. The hot and the cold collided fiercely and the force of it sent papers scattering off the desk and whipped Nemu’s braid back.
Mayuri’s eyes narrowed and he hissed between gnashing teeth. “Why is HE here?”
“I,” she took a breath, the warmth making it easier to breath and think, “I asked him to come.”
“You asked…” He snarled. “You… I FORBADE you to ever speak to him and yet you ASKED him to come HERE??”
“He is my friend.”
“YOU HAVE NO FRIENDS!!” When he raised his hand to strike, the sea surged and crashed against his wrist with a cry that lingered like a bird’s. Mayuri eyes widened in disbelief as he realized what that was. “…you have the gall to associate with that hoodlum AND bring back your sword? I AM YOUR FATHER!”
He grasped the hilt of Ashisogi Jizou, only to feel the whisper of steel resting on the inside of his wrist.
“How ‘bout you let your zanpakuto go nice and slow like,” the blade pressed in just slightly, “and you won’t be cuttin’ your own wrist and everyone’s happy. For the most part.”
Mayuri snarled, reluctantly easing his grip and his arm away from the sword. “You must’ve been knocked around too many times by that ryoka, Madarame.” He spat the name like a curse. “You’re still no where near capable of fighting me.”
Ikkaku smirked right back. “Regardless if that’s the case or not, I ain’t here to fight you right now. So, instead we’re both gonna stand here and let Nemu say what she’s gotta say.” He sheathed Hozukimaru and it was then Mayuri noticed the second sword stuck in his belt. Ikkaku took the black-leather wrapped sword and held it out to Nemu. Mayuri watched this exchange with a toothy scowl.
She took it gratefully, closing her eyes to focus on the familiar feel and weight and presence of it. It stilled her and when she opened her eyes again her calm had returned. “Mayuri-sama,” she said slowly, “I’m sorry. I’ve tried so hard to be everything you wanted me to be, I’ve tried so hard to be someone you could be proud of but all I ever do is disappoint you. I obeyed you to the best of my abilities and I’ve been as attentive to your needs as I could and when it became apparent that I could never please you I tried so hard to at least not fail you. But I have and I’m sorry.”
Ikkaku’s eyes darkened. “Nemu-“
She shook her head, interrupting him. “I’m truly sorry, Mayuri-sama. I can’t be what you want. I can’t give you the pride and the distinction you’ve worked so hard for. I can’t give you any happiness or honor and I’m sorry. I’m flawed and I’m useless and I can’t do everything you tell me to.” Nemu’s hands shook but her determination was never as blatant as it was at that moment. “I have my own dreams and my own hopes. I wish to get stronger and become more capable, but it’s as much for my own sake and my own reasons as it is for yours. This is my decision, Mayuri-sama, and all I ask is for you to respect that.”
For a long, long moment Mayuri was still. Then he voice creaked like a tremor, cracking foundations and tearing at the earth from inside. “Do you dare try to throw me away?” His hands flexed at his sides. “You dare think you can just toss me away like garbage?” His voice was rapidly gaining volume and intensity and both Nemu and Ikkaku flinched under the sudden influx of pressure. “I created you! I own every bit of you and you DARE to throw ME away!? YOU DARE LOOK DOWN ON ME LIKE ALL THE OTHERS?? And what will you do without me, idiot child!?! Stay with HIM? The muscle buffoon and his incompetent division? I’ve given you everything and you throw it back in my face so you can play whore to a bunch of degenerate thugs??”
Something snapped in Ikkaku’s mind. He grabbed a fistful of Mayuri’s coat and ran him into a wall so hard the frames shook. Nemu actually shrieked, “IKKAKU!”
His forearm braced against Mayuri’s throat like a lead bar. “You listen,” he snarled at the captain, “and you better listen fuckin’ good ‘cause I’m sick and fuckin’ tired of this shit. She ain’t yours. You never had any right to treat her the way you do and it ain’t happenin’ again ‘cause if it does I’m gonna crush your fuckin’ face in. Don’t think I forgot all the shit you put me through in the academy. I remember every goddamn experiment, every one that landed me in fuckin’ medical- I remember ever little pain you put me through and don’t think I haven’t been wantin’ to pay you back for each and every goddamn one.
“But I ain’t ‘cause Nemu doesn’t want you to get hurt. Me, though?” Ikkaku pressed his arm tighter against Mayuri’s throat. “Nothing I think you deserve more than hangin’. But I can play the better man. I’ll let all that shit pass. But if you ever – EVER -hurt Nemu in any way again, I will end you. She’s put up with your bullshit and I’ve had to stand back and let her get beat up and chewed out and abused every fuckin’ which way and if I ever find out you’ve hurt her again I will hunt you down and slaughter you like a fuckin’ pig. GOT IT?”
Mayuri’s sneer widened. “Do you honestly think YOU can overpower-“ abruptly he cut off, eyes darting to the side, then to Nemu as she stood gripping her sword as if it were the only thing that made sense anymore. His scowl receded into a frown. “Get out.” He said flatly. “All of you. And don’t dare come back.”
Ikkaku snarled, not satisfied with the answer in the least, but as his grip tightened, knuckles bruising into the skin, a hand tugged at his sleeve.
“Ikkaku.” Nemu said softly, her head kept carefully down. She didn’t say anything else, but he could see the edges of her lips quivering under the shadows of her bangs. Jaw clenched and with great reluctance, Ikkaku let her fath- no, not anymore –the captain go. With a final, withering glare over his shoulder, Ikkaku put a hand to Nemu’s back, supporting her as they left.
When the door slid closed behind them, Nemu fell to the ground, hand stuffed against her mouth as she hiccuped.
“Nemu.” He knelt down next to her. “Nemu, don’t.” Ikkaku pulled her hand away and she gasped loudly between her tears. “Nemu, shhh… Don’t cry.” He cupped her cheeks gently, brushing back her hair. “C’mon, don’t. He doesn’t deserve your tears.”
But she gripped tightly to his uniform, her voice a soft wail low in her throat. Cursing all sorts of hell to himself, Ikkaku pulled Nemu against him, tucking her under his chin and balling her up in his arms. She cried into his chest, trembling violently as wave after wave of repressed pain and hurt and frustration and fear broke her. She fell apart curled up on the floor of the 12th division, heart and nerves raw. And there she was slowly rebuilt to the steady rhythm of Ikkaku’s heartbeat and the weight of his arms around her. She was forged by the heat of his presence, tempered by the soft whispers in her ears and the tender kisses against her hair. Her faith and her pride and her dreams were smashed, scattered and rusting. But a new hope unfurled in the collapsed ruins of her heart and brought with it another life. This one already thriving under the promise of being nurtured and protected and loved.
Ikkaku’s hand rubbed gently at the base of Nemu’s neck as her sobs eventually ceased and her breathing evened slowly. He placed another kiss against her temple. “You okay?” He asked softly. She nodded into his collarbone. “’S good.” But he made no move to get up and neither did she.
The door to the outer walkway suddenly slid back and Ikkaku was surprised to see Yumichika sticking his head inside.
“Ah!” The fifth seat exclaimed. “There you are!”
Hand reflexively tightening over Nemu, Ikkaku asked, “Yumi? What’re you doin’ here?”
“Haven’t heard from you in a while. Just making sure you’re okay.” He nodded to Nemu. “ARE you two okay?”
“Yeah.” Ikkaku said resignedly. “More or less.”
“And…?” Yumichika tilted his head toward the captain’s office.
Che. “We ain’t gotta worry ‘bout him anymore if that’s what yer askin’.”
“That’s good! That’s all I needed to know!” He waved prettily at the two before bouncing off the walkway. “CAPTAIN~! They’re okay! They don’t need us anymore!”
Ikkaku blinked. Even Nemu pulled back marginally. “Huh?” The two exchanged glances before easing themselves off the floor and to the door. Ikkaku blinked against the noonday sun- ugh, the 12th division needed to invest in more windows –and Nemu stayed close at his side.
“See? They’re fine.”
Ikkaku’s jaw dropped and Nemu’s eyes widened. There, on the main lawn of the 12th division, was Yumichika, Zaraki and Yachiru. And Rangiku and Iba and Renji and Hisagi and Isane and Unohana and Ise and…
Ikkaku spluttered at them. “Wh-What the hell’re you all doin’ here!??”
“Same thing as you, dumbass.” Iba crossed his arms, apparently disappointed at the lack of bodily harm on the 3rd seat. “Makin’ sure you didn’t say something idiotic and get yer ass handed to ya.”
Rangiku punched Iba in the arm. “Support.” She corrected with a bright smile. “We came to support Nemu.” Then added vaguely. “And you. I guess.”
“Thanks.” Ikkaku said icily.
“Those are you’re friends, you know.”
He turned on Hisagi. “MY friends? What the hell does that make you?”
“The debt collector. Makin’ sure you didn’t kick the bucket ‘fore you paid me my money.”
“YOUR money? You cheated!”
“If you ain’t cheatin’, you ain’t tryin’. I believe you were the one to coin that phrase?”
“Che!” Ikkaku glared at the 9th division vice-captain. “I fuckin’ hate you.”
Unohana laughed brightly, gathering everyone’s attention. “Well, since they’re both in good spirits I believe we should be heading back to our respective divisions now?” Everyone muttered to themselves, Ise and Isane throwing out promises to see Nemu later, the guys waggling their eyebrows at Ikkaku and he flicked them off.
“Um!” Nemu suddenly stepped forward, startling everyone. She looked at them for a moment and finally came to the realization that… They were here to support her- support THEM. They cared for her, thought highly of her, believed her worth their time and energy and most she rarely spoke to. They came of their own volition for her sake.
The newly born hope- slowly beginning to beat to life –swelled under this realization and she couldn’t help the first smile it bore brightening her face- wide and honest and touched beyond words. She bowed deeply to them. “Thank you!” She said, warm tears glittering down her cheeks once more. “Thank you all so much!”
Most couldn’t help but grin in return, scuffling their feet in the dirt and flushing with pride- amazed to be able to see her smile so openly. “Oi, Ikkaku!” Zaraki bellowed with a mock sneer as others roared in agreement. “You better make that girl happy or I’m gonna shove my fist down yer throat!”
But Ikkaku smiled at Nemu’s beaming face, hand entwined with hers. It was the first time he’d ever seen her so happy and it was the first time anyone had every looked upon her pride. Ikkaku brought her hand to his lips, kissing the back of it gently. Softly he said, “Always.”
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Date: 2005-11-26 02:47 am (UTC)Anyway, I loved your fic, very nice!
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Date: 2005-11-26 03:47 pm (UTC)