![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ajremixSpecial thanks to ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
tsukishine for letting me know I'm just a paranoid idiot.
Title: Come What May – Breakaway
Fandom: Bleach
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 4270
Characters: Nemu, Ikkaku, Ichigo, Horaizonnoakaiokan, Yumichika, Yamamoto
Summary: Following Rundown, Top of the Caste, Smile for Me, Setting Stages, Daily Reprieve, Odds Against, One Step Beyond, Seating Arrangements, Distances Between, Time Misspent, Burnt Bridges, Ties that Break, Impulse, Limit Break Pt.1, Limit Break Pt.2 and Never is a Long Time. An experiment, if you will. The first step is the hardest.
Ugh, that’s it. Between those two idiots and Rukia’s haughtiness Ichigo had come to the conclusion he had enough of the 13th division. ….yeah, right. We’ll see how long that lasts, he thought irritably, rubbing his neck, scowling his way over to the division gates. It was there he saw a slender woman struggling under a couple of heavy looking boxes.
“Oi,” he said, jogging lightly over to her. “Do you need any help?”
She nodded once and Ichigo noticed the adjutant’s shield on her arm. “If it isn’t too much trouble.”
“Nah, no problem. You’re taking them to the 12th division, right?” He took a box from her. Alone, it was weighty enough that he was amazed she could carry both at all. “I’m heading to the 11th, anyway.”
The woman inclined her head again, looking as if it she were trying to bow. “Thank you very much, Kurosaki-san.”
“Sure.” He replied as they walked out of the gates. “What’s your name?”
“Kurotsuchi Nemu. Vice-captain of the 12th division.”
“Yeah? Inoue mentioned you when she told me about the freak-captain.” He gave Nemu a quick look. “Don’t look all that sad to me.”
Her eyes darkened slightly. “I was sad for my comrades and for your friends. I apologize for the pain we caused them.”
“Forget about it. They’re okay now.”
Nemu looked confused. “But your friend-“
“Don’t worry about Inoue. She doesn’t look it, but she’s one of the toughest people I know. She’s been through a lot, so if she says it’s okay, it’s okay.”
Wisely, Nemu decided to drop the subject. If that Quincy boy hadn’t mentioned it to his comrades, it wasn’t for her to say. So, instead she asked, “You often go to the 11th division, don’t you? It’s been even more lively there than before.”
Ichigo smirked. “Yeah. They’re all idiots over there, but they’re not bad. They’re not all stiff and uppity like a lot of the other divisions, either.” He suddenly scowled. “Even if Zaraki scares the crap outta me and Ikkaku annoys me with all that trash-talking he does. Che! And I thought Rukia talked some shit.”
Nemu smiled warmly despite herself. “Ikkaku is a little unruly at times.”
“A little? That guy’s a grade-A thug in my book!” He paused, looking down at the woman. “You know him?”
“We were in the academy together. We’re… friends, to put it simply.”
“Yeah? Hey, why don’t you come with me? Hang out a bit?”
She bit her lip, expression softening sadly. “I would but… If Mayuri-sama knew I still associated with Ikkaku-“
Ichigo frowned. “Mayuri? Who’s that guy?”
She looked mildly surprised. “My father. Captain of the 12th division. He can’t stand dealing with the 11th unless it’s official business. He especially hates Ikkaku and Ikkaku,” Nemu smiled hollowly, “he doesn’t like Mayuri-sama by default.”
“So what? Why would that stop you?”
“Because Ikkaku isn’t yet strong enough to fend off Mayuri-sama.”
“So don’t let him face your dad alone.”
Nemu halted abruptly. “What?”
Ichigo, having taken a few extra steps, turned to her. “Ganjyu says Ikkaku’s pretty high up there, right? And you’re a vice-captain so you’re probably pretty strong, too. So if he’s not strong enough on his own, together you both should be strong enough.”
“But,” Nemu struggled to wrap her mind around the concept, “I’d have to stand against Mayuri-sama.”
“Yeah, and?”
“Mayuri-sama is the one that created me. I owe him everything. I can’t disobey Mayuri-sama.”
Ichigo’s brow furrowed in confusion. “But you’re friends with Ikkaku. Aren’t you disobeying him already?”
For the first time, Nemu’s jaw actually dropped. “I…” wasn’t actually, she thought. Hiding their relationship to protect Ikkaku just seemed like the logical thing to do. Being with Ikkaku seemed just as natural. He made her feel warm and wanted and alive and the idea of being with him didn’t seem like anything except for ‘right.'
Shifting his box, Ichigo gave a half-hearted snort. “Friends not helping friends, brothers condemning sisters, captains betraying everyone- it’s a surprise this place hasn’t totally collapsed yet.” But he gave her a half smile. “C’mon. These boxes aren’t getting any lighter.”
“Ah, yes. I apologize.” But Nemu’s mind blurred and she felt a little dizzy. All this time she had been disobeying her father; how had she not realized that? He didn’t want her associating with him, he didn’t want her to get any ideas of getting strong and breaking away.
Except, all this time she had pushed Ikkaku away wasn’t an act of obedience, but of protection. How had she gone all these decades and not noticed?
“Do you need any help from here?” Ichigo’s voice broke Nemu from her thoughts, standing outside the 12th division’s gates.
“No, thank you, Kurosaki-san.” She said. “I can find someone to help me from here.” She then turned and bowed her neck again. “I appreciate your help. And thank you for your advice. I believe I have much to think about for now.”
Frowning to himself, Ichigo wondered if that was a good thing. “Uh, no problem, I guess.”
~*~*~*~
As she was dismissed from Mayuri’s side at the end of the day, Nemu returned to her sparse room and knelt upon the floor, facing the wall. Deep in thought all day, she had to admit that while she had willfully disobeyed her father with befriending Ikkaku, it wasn’t her first act of disobedience.
Very carefully and very silently, she lifted a wall panel. Her thin fingers reached underneath, gripping a wrapped handle and pulled Horaizannoakaiokan into her lap. After replacing the panel, she sat under the filtered moon at her window, wiping the dust and dirt from the sword. Holding it carefully, Nemu closed her eyes and reached out.
When she opened them again, there was the sound of waves in her ears and the scent of wet sand. Fluttering its wings against the sea spray was Horaizannoakaiokan.
“Nemu,” its voice smiled, “it has been a while.”
“I apologize.” She bowed to the crane. “I didn’t mean to hide you away for so long.”
The bird strutted, an echo of laughter trailing it. “No need to apologize. I am glad you are here. Though if you are here, there is something burdening you.”
“Not so much of a burden as it is a question.” Nemu looked up at Horaizannoakaiokan, the breeze from the sea was cool and sun warm. “Kurosaki-san had said that I’m disobeying Mayuri-sama. This I do not deny but…”
“You are worried that this realization may lead somewhere that you cannot predict and are afraid to follow.”
Embarrassed at being read so easily, Nemu looked away. “I’m worried that, even if I were to stand up against Mayuri-sama, together Ikkaku and I still won’t be strong enough. Or of what would even happen afterward.”
Cocking its head to the side, Horaizannoakaiokan asked, “Is it merely not knowing what may come of it that you are wondering about, little Nemu?”
“Yes.”
“I am afraid that is not for me to say.” The waves lapped quietly. “But the unknown is not to be feared. It is to be overcome. It is to be embraced and become known. Madarame was once an unknown. There are still aspects of him that you do not yet comprehend. Yet you do not fear him.”
“Ikkaku makes it obvious if he wants you to fear him or not.” Nemu said with a little smile. “He isn’t hard to anticipate, unlike Mayuri-sama. Usually, anyway. Ikkaku can still surprise me.”
“I always enjoy when you speak of Madarame. You always have the kindest face I have seen when you speak of him.”
Nemu blushed. “D-Do I? I never realized.”
Chortling, Horaizannoakaiokan tossed its red-crowned head. “Of course you do not. That is part of what makes it so beautiful. Your father’s attempts to control you are a waste. Even unconsciously, you are slowly pulling away from him. It is only a matter of time until you reach the confidence to break away completely.”
“Do you really believe I have the strength to break away from Mayuri-sama?”
“I believe it is not so much a question of strength, but a question of will. Do you wish to break away from him? Do you posses the constitution to see it through?” Fluttering its feathers again, it continued, “But if the question has weighed so heavily on your mind that you felt the need to come to here then I believe that it is come time for you to begin freeing yourself.”
“But what should I do?”
“I cannot tell you that. That is for you to discover. But, if you will recall, the Lord and Lady Shiba encouraged you to make your decisions on your own, for the purpose you want for yourself. Do not worry about what others want you to chose, think only of what you want. If you find your road that you wish to walk, honestly want to take, the path you truly believe will give you happiness, I know that Madarame will support you anyway he can.” The brilliant head shone as it bowed. “As will I.”
Nemu smiled at it, holding out a hand. “Thank you, Horaizannoakaiokan. I’m glad that you’re here.”
It held its head to her, letting her hand skim over the length of its neck. “We are partners, after all. I would never abandon you. Especially when you need me most.”
They sat on the sand, staring out into the sea. Nemu, lost in thought, idly stroking Horaizannoakaiokan’s back as the crane sang to the clouds.
~*~*~*
“You should probably take it easy.”
“I’m fine.”
“You still look a little pale.”
“I said I’m FINE, dammit.”
Yumichika tossed his head lightly. “Fine. If you say so.”
“I’ve BEEN sayin’ so.” Ikkaku growled back.
“Ichigo and the others are leaving in a few days.” The other mentioned idly. “Do you think you’re fine enough to fight with him again?”
There was a pause of consideration and a thoughtful frown. Ikkaku put a hand against his stomach. “…Not too sure ‘bout that.”
“That’s what you get for eating red bean paste filled tempura.”
“Red bean? Orihime-chan said it was sweet bean.”
Yumichika wrinkled his nose. “Either way, I don’t know how you thought that was appealing.”
Ikkaku pulled a face at the thought. “We should probably patent her cooking as biological warfare.”
“Ah, speaking of which, there’s Ichigo!”
The boy waited as the two shinigami approached, thumbs hooked in his belt. “Took you two long enough.” He told them. “I was starting to get bored.”
“Since when did we become your entertainment?”
“Since I started getting bored around here. And would you back off? Your face disturbs me.” Ichigo sneered, pushing Ikkaku away.
Putting a hand to his cheek, Yumichika supplied, “I tell him that, too. But he refuses to use any of the facial creams I give him. In fact, he lets the vice-captain use it as finger-paints.”
“That’s ‘cause I ain’t a dammed pansy-ass flamer!”
“With an attitude like that,” Ichigo said dully, “it’s a surprise you’re friends with a nice girl like that.”
Yumichika put a hand over his eyes as Ikkaku turned slowly, expression carefully empty and dark. “A girl like who?” He asked quietly.
“That one from the 12th.” The Shun Shun Rikka apparently didn’t do anything to cure Ichigo’s deficient self-preservation instinct. “Though maybe she’ll think some sense into herself.”
A sword clicked half an inch out of its sheath and Ichigo saw it glint out of the corner of his eye. And saw himself looking back in the fine edge of the weapon as immense pressure darkened the hall around him.
“What,” Ikkaku loomed, his teeth bared like a snarling wildcat, “did you tell Nemu?”
Ichigo swallowed as said self-preservation instinct finally caught up and kicked him in the head. “Er…”
~*~*~*~
“Yamamoto-soutaichou.” She bowed to him, fingers delicately folded against the floor. “Thank you for seeing me on such short notice.”
“For you, who has never asked anything of anyone,” the old man said, beckoning her closer, “to suddenly request a private audience, it must be something of great importance.”
Settling in front of the captain-general, Nemu nodded her head. “It’s about my father.”
Yamamoto raised a great eyebrow. There were so many different directions this conversation could take. “Yes? What about Kurotsuchi-taichou?”
“He is my father. I respect him and care about him very, very much. I would do anything he asked of me, but…” She trailed, trying to keep her thoughts in order. “I’ve disobeyed him twice. I resurrected my zanpakuto when he forbade me to keep it. I keep an acquaintance with the one person he forbade me to associate with.
“I want to support him. I’ve helped him recover from the fight with the Quincy. I was so relieved that none of the injuries were permanent. And yet… Yet I feel as if I can’t keep living like this.” Biting her lip, Nemu lowered her eyes. “Because of Kurosaki-san and Ishida-san, I’ve come to realize that I really am of no use to anyone. I want to protect… protect the person I deeply care for, but I know that I’m not strong enough. But Mayuri-sama doesn’t wish for me to become strong. He wants to control me but…” She shook her head. “I’m sorry, Yamamoto-soutaichou. I shouldn’t be saying such things about a captain-“
She saw his hand raise and cut herself off. “Kurotsuchi-san,” he said gently, folding his hands together, “speak freely.”
Nodding, Nemu’s hands twisted on themselves, folding imaginary bits of paper between them. “It’s just that so many people protect me, but I can’t do the same for them. I’m no where near as strong as the other vice-captains. They have their own wills and goals and drives, but I don’t. I can see them all becoming stronger, but I haven’t changed throughout the years. It was only with Ura- with the previous captain encouraging me that I felt the need to better myself. But Mayuri-sama doesn’t care about my skills so long as I can complete what he orders me to.”
Yamamoto nodded to himself. “And you feel that you need to be transferred else where, am I correct? Otherwise, Kurotsuchi-taichou will keep you from growing into your potential.”
“…that is how I feel, yes.”
“Kurotsuchi-taichou is a very controversial subject. Especially among the other captains. A good number of them feel he is not a fit leader.” Yamamoto’s long, bony fingers brushed against his desk. “What do you feel?”
“He is my father. I believe my opinion would be biased in that regards.”
“And yet you feel you would be better off apart from him.”
Nemu bit her lip and said nothing.
“There is nothing wrong with that.” The old man said. “All children must grow up and part from their parents. It is a natural course of life. However, the real question is what you plan to do once you’re no longer under him. It’s not guaranteed you’ll be given a status as exalted as vice-captain in any of the other divisions.”
“I wouldn’t ask to be given a position I haven’t earned.” She said quietly. “I don’t feel I would be of any use in the other divisions, either. My talents lie with the 12th division.”
“Then where do you wish to go?”
“There is one place I have in mind. I still have much to learn and master. But…”
“Are you worried about what others would say?” The captain-general asked kindly. “Are you worried about what would happen to the division when you are not there to act as a buffer between them and your father?”
“A… a little, yes.”
Nodding his head, Yamamoto said slowly, “I could possibly send someone of my choosing to fill in as vice-captain. Temporarily.” He eyed Nemu mildly. “Do you plan on ever returning, Kurotsuchi-san?”
“I… I suppose. Once I become strong enough.”
“I’m sure your friends are happy with your decision.”
“I haven’t told him, yet.”
Yamamoto smiled behind his hands. “Perhaps you should. Madarame-san worries terribly over you, you know.”
“Yes, I know…” Nemu’s head came up quickly. “H-How did you…?”
But the 1st division captain waved off the question. “Just think of gossip as a passing hobby of an old man. To have someone standing so staunchly beside you is quite an honor.”
Nemu smiled to herself. “Yes, it is. Though many others don’t seem to think the same way.”
Chuckling, Yamamoto leaned back. “Madarame-san is not an easy one to work with, no. But if you treat him correctly, he is invaluable. He’s rather well respected, even among the captains and vice-captains, did you know?”
She looked up, surprised. “N-No. I was never aware.”
“He’s a hard worker. Very reliable and he trains very good men. Except he loves fighting a bit too much for many of the other captains to be comfortable with him and he wouldn’t listen to most of them anyway.” Yamamoto chuckled again, louder. “That and Zaraki-taichou refuses to give him up to any of the other divisions.”
“It’s Ikkaku’s dream.” Nemu said proudly. “He wants to beat Zaraki-taichou and become the 11th division captain.”
“That is not an easy task. I wish him the very best.”
“I don’t know if he’ll ever reach his goal, but I have faith in him.” Nemu said. “I don’t doubt that he’ll give it his all, every step of the way.”
“And I have no doubt that you will do the same.” Yamamoto reached out to ruffle Nemu’s hair like a doting grandfather. “I’m glad he’s inspired you so. Watching you with that small, hidden smile on your face brightens my day.” Nemu blushed prettily, unable to help a smile spreading. “Now, tell me where you wish go and I’ll do everything in my power to help you.”
~*~*~*~
The lanterns were being lit when Nemu made her way down the long walk past the divisions. After meeting with the captain-general, Nemu’s heart felt light but fear and uncertainty quivered at the base of her spine. In the end the transfer was the easiest part. Telling Mayuri-sama, she knew, would not be nearly as simple.
“Yo, Nemu.”
She paused and looked up, careful to keep a knowing smile from spreading. “Hello, Ikkaku.” She said politely. “Were you waiting long?”
Crouched on the tiles of the 11th division’s gate, Ikkaku flushed and looked away. “Waitin’? Nah, I was just, you know, just hangin’ out is all.”
“Of course.”
“So… you headin’ back to your division?” He asked, jumping down beside her.
They fell into step, almost shoulder to shoulder. “Yes.”
“So, uh…” Ikkaku tried to look nonchalant, “I heard you met Ichigo today.”
“Kurosaki-san is a very kind boy.”
“He’s all right. Pretty full of himself if you ask me.”
She couldn’t help smiling a little. “I think he has a right to be very confident in himself.”
Ikkaku snorted. “He’s still a jackass, though.” He shot Nemu a sidelong glance. “What, uh, did he say exactly? You know, to make him say you had somethin’ to think about?”
She looked up at him, surprised to find him anxious about the subject. Though she knew Ikkaku worried about her, it was still both flattering and immensely charming to actually see. Smiling warmly, Nemu took the hand that he hooked into his belt and laced her fingers with his. Ikkaku blinked down at her, surprised.
“It didn’t have anything to do with how I feel about you.” She said a little shyly. “It was something else.”
“Oh.” Relieved but nonetheless still curious, Ikkaku asked, “About what?”
“I talked to Yamamoto-soutaichou.”
“Yama-ji?” Was it that bad? “What for?”
“I’ve requested a transfer.”
Ikkaku’s steps rocked to a halt. “Transfer? Transfer to where?”
She turned to step in front of him. “Aren’t you curious as to why I wanted a transfer?”
“Why? Obviously because you’ve had enough of your asshat father!”
Nemu’s lips turned down disapprovingly and Ikkaku heaved a reluctant sigh.
“Okay, okay. He may be an asshat, but he’s still your father. Sorry.”
She tugged at his hand. “Ask me why.”
A smile quirked at Ikkaku’s lips. “Why do you want to transfer?”
“Kurosaki-san brought up a point I hadn’t thought about before.” Nemu said, continuing their walk. “You shouldn’t have to be strong enough to face Mayuri-sama alone. If I truly care for you, I should be there with you.”
“Oh yeah?” Hn. Maybe Ichigo wasn’t such an idiot after all. Damn, he’d have to thank the brat next time he saw him.
“Except that I can’t become stronger under Mayuri-sama. I need to relearn the things he forced me to forget, I need to practice the skills I haven’t used in so long.”
“So? Where you goin’?”
For the first time since she received her zanpakutou Nemu felt excited and she smiled brightly and her eyes shone under the stars and lanterns. If Ikkaku didn’t think he was in love with her before he definitely was now. “I’m going to train to be an instructor at the academy.” She said, turning to him and holding his hand tightly. “Ever since Urahara-taichou left, their science division has been steadily falling behind because Mayuri-sama thinks it’s a waste of time. I’m going to go there to help them and I’m going to learn everything I can there.”
“The academy?” Nemu took one look at his expression and her heart fell.
“What is it?” She asked carefully. “I thought you’d be happy for me. It was my own decision.”
“No- I mean I AM, it’s just,” he shook his head, “it’s nothin’. It’s stupid, forget it.”
“Are you worried that we won’t be able to see each other as much?”
Ikkaku flushed and looked away, but said nothing.
Smiling at that, Nemu put her other hand over Ikkaku’s wrist, tracing over the tendons, alternating between light touches and gentle strokes over his forearm. “Ikkaku,” she said softly, “did you think that my transfer would be the end?”
“…No.”
She adjusted her grip and brought his hand up, rubbing over his knuckles as she asked, “Do you think I’ll forget about you while I’m there?”
“No.”
Nemu put a hand against Ikkaku’s jaw, forcing him to look at her. “Then why are you upset?”
“Because…” He gave a resigned frown. “Because I can’t look after you when you’re that far away.”
“I know.” Nemu said softly. “I need to get stronger on my own. I need to get stronger for your sake as well as my own.”
“My sake?”
“Because I want to be as capable as the other vice-captains. So you no longer have to worry about me.”
He gave a little snort. “I’ll always worry about you, even if you were as strong as me.”
At that she smiled again. “I’m glad for that. But at least you don’t actually have to.”
Ikkaku smirked down softly at her. “You know, everyone would be surprised if they knew how you acted when they aren’t around.”
“I’d be surprised too,” she replied, her hand trailing from his jaw to his neck, light on his Adam’s apple, “if I thought about it first.”
“I told ya thinkin’ just gets in the way.”
“You think.” She memorized how his neck fell under his collar, the arc of the spine as it met the skull, the line from ear to cheek with her hand. She wrapped each one and locked it in her mind so she could unravel them whenever she needed to remember what courage and strength felt like. “I see you thinking all the time.”
Ikkaku intercepted her hand, holding it tightly against his chest. “You’d be surprised,” he leaned in with a grin, “at some of the things I think about.”
“And it gets in the way?”
“I haven’t done any of the things I’ve thought about yet, so I guess they do.”
She actually smirked back at him. “And you’re not going to do what you’re thinking about right now, are you?”
Ikkaku’s eyes widened slightly. “Well, since you asked so nicely.” He closed the distance between them and Nemu’s eyes fluttered closed against the kiss. It was simple and chaste, but she whimpered lightly when he teethed at her lower lip, tracing the blush of her mouth with his before pulling back. “That should tide you over for now, right?”
Nemu looked up at him, eyes wide and brighter with her cheeks flushed. Damn if it didn’t make Ikkaku want to do it again. “…was there more?”
“There was a lot more.” He grinned wickedly. “You probably wouldn’t want me gettin’ into that on the walkways. Besides, we got time. I’ll make sure of it.”
“A-Ah.”
“You should probably get goin’.” Ikkaku said, letting her hands slip from his. “Kurotsuchi’s probably already on a rampage for you.”
“You’re probably right.” She took a step back, a little shakier than she thought, and turned.
“Hey, Nemu.”
She paused. “Yes?”
“When you tell Kurotsuchi about gettin’ transferred,” he said with a stubborn frown, “let me know. I wanna be there when you tell him.”
Nemu’s brow knit. “But-“
“No buts. I know what he’s gonna do when you tell him.” Ikkaku scowled. “And if you think I’m gonna sit on my ass when that happens we may start to have problems here.”
Slowly, Nemu smiled warmly at him. She knew better than to expect him to sit quietly by, but to hear him say that made her feel that much more certain that what she was doing was the right decision. “Thank you.”
tsukishine for letting me know I'm just a paranoid idiot.Title: Come What May – Breakaway
Fandom: Bleach
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 4270
Characters: Nemu, Ikkaku, Ichigo, Horaizonnoakaiokan, Yumichika, Yamamoto
Summary: Following Rundown, Top of the Caste, Smile for Me, Setting Stages, Daily Reprieve, Odds Against, One Step Beyond, Seating Arrangements, Distances Between, Time Misspent, Burnt Bridges, Ties that Break, Impulse, Limit Break Pt.1, Limit Break Pt.2 and Never is a Long Time. An experiment, if you will. The first step is the hardest.
Ugh, that’s it. Between those two idiots and Rukia’s haughtiness Ichigo had come to the conclusion he had enough of the 13th division. ….yeah, right. We’ll see how long that lasts, he thought irritably, rubbing his neck, scowling his way over to the division gates. It was there he saw a slender woman struggling under a couple of heavy looking boxes.
“Oi,” he said, jogging lightly over to her. “Do you need any help?”
She nodded once and Ichigo noticed the adjutant’s shield on her arm. “If it isn’t too much trouble.”
“Nah, no problem. You’re taking them to the 12th division, right?” He took a box from her. Alone, it was weighty enough that he was amazed she could carry both at all. “I’m heading to the 11th, anyway.”
The woman inclined her head again, looking as if it she were trying to bow. “Thank you very much, Kurosaki-san.”
“Sure.” He replied as they walked out of the gates. “What’s your name?”
“Kurotsuchi Nemu. Vice-captain of the 12th division.”
“Yeah? Inoue mentioned you when she told me about the freak-captain.” He gave Nemu a quick look. “Don’t look all that sad to me.”
Her eyes darkened slightly. “I was sad for my comrades and for your friends. I apologize for the pain we caused them.”
“Forget about it. They’re okay now.”
Nemu looked confused. “But your friend-“
“Don’t worry about Inoue. She doesn’t look it, but she’s one of the toughest people I know. She’s been through a lot, so if she says it’s okay, it’s okay.”
Wisely, Nemu decided to drop the subject. If that Quincy boy hadn’t mentioned it to his comrades, it wasn’t for her to say. So, instead she asked, “You often go to the 11th division, don’t you? It’s been even more lively there than before.”
Ichigo smirked. “Yeah. They’re all idiots over there, but they’re not bad. They’re not all stiff and uppity like a lot of the other divisions, either.” He suddenly scowled. “Even if Zaraki scares the crap outta me and Ikkaku annoys me with all that trash-talking he does. Che! And I thought Rukia talked some shit.”
Nemu smiled warmly despite herself. “Ikkaku is a little unruly at times.”
“A little? That guy’s a grade-A thug in my book!” He paused, looking down at the woman. “You know him?”
“We were in the academy together. We’re… friends, to put it simply.”
“Yeah? Hey, why don’t you come with me? Hang out a bit?”
She bit her lip, expression softening sadly. “I would but… If Mayuri-sama knew I still associated with Ikkaku-“
Ichigo frowned. “Mayuri? Who’s that guy?”
She looked mildly surprised. “My father. Captain of the 12th division. He can’t stand dealing with the 11th unless it’s official business. He especially hates Ikkaku and Ikkaku,” Nemu smiled hollowly, “he doesn’t like Mayuri-sama by default.”
“So what? Why would that stop you?”
“Because Ikkaku isn’t yet strong enough to fend off Mayuri-sama.”
“So don’t let him face your dad alone.”
Nemu halted abruptly. “What?”
Ichigo, having taken a few extra steps, turned to her. “Ganjyu says Ikkaku’s pretty high up there, right? And you’re a vice-captain so you’re probably pretty strong, too. So if he’s not strong enough on his own, together you both should be strong enough.”
“But,” Nemu struggled to wrap her mind around the concept, “I’d have to stand against Mayuri-sama.”
“Yeah, and?”
“Mayuri-sama is the one that created me. I owe him everything. I can’t disobey Mayuri-sama.”
Ichigo’s brow furrowed in confusion. “But you’re friends with Ikkaku. Aren’t you disobeying him already?”
For the first time, Nemu’s jaw actually dropped. “I…” wasn’t actually, she thought. Hiding their relationship to protect Ikkaku just seemed like the logical thing to do. Being with Ikkaku seemed just as natural. He made her feel warm and wanted and alive and the idea of being with him didn’t seem like anything except for ‘right.'
Shifting his box, Ichigo gave a half-hearted snort. “Friends not helping friends, brothers condemning sisters, captains betraying everyone- it’s a surprise this place hasn’t totally collapsed yet.” But he gave her a half smile. “C’mon. These boxes aren’t getting any lighter.”
“Ah, yes. I apologize.” But Nemu’s mind blurred and she felt a little dizzy. All this time she had been disobeying her father; how had she not realized that? He didn’t want her associating with him, he didn’t want her to get any ideas of getting strong and breaking away.
Except, all this time she had pushed Ikkaku away wasn’t an act of obedience, but of protection. How had she gone all these decades and not noticed?
“Do you need any help from here?” Ichigo’s voice broke Nemu from her thoughts, standing outside the 12th division’s gates.
“No, thank you, Kurosaki-san.” She said. “I can find someone to help me from here.” She then turned and bowed her neck again. “I appreciate your help. And thank you for your advice. I believe I have much to think about for now.”
Frowning to himself, Ichigo wondered if that was a good thing. “Uh, no problem, I guess.”
~*~*~*~
As she was dismissed from Mayuri’s side at the end of the day, Nemu returned to her sparse room and knelt upon the floor, facing the wall. Deep in thought all day, she had to admit that while she had willfully disobeyed her father with befriending Ikkaku, it wasn’t her first act of disobedience.
Very carefully and very silently, she lifted a wall panel. Her thin fingers reached underneath, gripping a wrapped handle and pulled Horaizannoakaiokan into her lap. After replacing the panel, she sat under the filtered moon at her window, wiping the dust and dirt from the sword. Holding it carefully, Nemu closed her eyes and reached out.
When she opened them again, there was the sound of waves in her ears and the scent of wet sand. Fluttering its wings against the sea spray was Horaizannoakaiokan.
“Nemu,” its voice smiled, “it has been a while.”
“I apologize.” She bowed to the crane. “I didn’t mean to hide you away for so long.”
The bird strutted, an echo of laughter trailing it. “No need to apologize. I am glad you are here. Though if you are here, there is something burdening you.”
“Not so much of a burden as it is a question.” Nemu looked up at Horaizannoakaiokan, the breeze from the sea was cool and sun warm. “Kurosaki-san had said that I’m disobeying Mayuri-sama. This I do not deny but…”
“You are worried that this realization may lead somewhere that you cannot predict and are afraid to follow.”
Embarrassed at being read so easily, Nemu looked away. “I’m worried that, even if I were to stand up against Mayuri-sama, together Ikkaku and I still won’t be strong enough. Or of what would even happen afterward.”
Cocking its head to the side, Horaizannoakaiokan asked, “Is it merely not knowing what may come of it that you are wondering about, little Nemu?”
“Yes.”
“I am afraid that is not for me to say.” The waves lapped quietly. “But the unknown is not to be feared. It is to be overcome. It is to be embraced and become known. Madarame was once an unknown. There are still aspects of him that you do not yet comprehend. Yet you do not fear him.”
“Ikkaku makes it obvious if he wants you to fear him or not.” Nemu said with a little smile. “He isn’t hard to anticipate, unlike Mayuri-sama. Usually, anyway. Ikkaku can still surprise me.”
“I always enjoy when you speak of Madarame. You always have the kindest face I have seen when you speak of him.”
Nemu blushed. “D-Do I? I never realized.”
Chortling, Horaizannoakaiokan tossed its red-crowned head. “Of course you do not. That is part of what makes it so beautiful. Your father’s attempts to control you are a waste. Even unconsciously, you are slowly pulling away from him. It is only a matter of time until you reach the confidence to break away completely.”
“Do you really believe I have the strength to break away from Mayuri-sama?”
“I believe it is not so much a question of strength, but a question of will. Do you wish to break away from him? Do you posses the constitution to see it through?” Fluttering its feathers again, it continued, “But if the question has weighed so heavily on your mind that you felt the need to come to here then I believe that it is come time for you to begin freeing yourself.”
“But what should I do?”
“I cannot tell you that. That is for you to discover. But, if you will recall, the Lord and Lady Shiba encouraged you to make your decisions on your own, for the purpose you want for yourself. Do not worry about what others want you to chose, think only of what you want. If you find your road that you wish to walk, honestly want to take, the path you truly believe will give you happiness, I know that Madarame will support you anyway he can.” The brilliant head shone as it bowed. “As will I.”
Nemu smiled at it, holding out a hand. “Thank you, Horaizannoakaiokan. I’m glad that you’re here.”
It held its head to her, letting her hand skim over the length of its neck. “We are partners, after all. I would never abandon you. Especially when you need me most.”
They sat on the sand, staring out into the sea. Nemu, lost in thought, idly stroking Horaizannoakaiokan’s back as the crane sang to the clouds.
~*~*~*
“You should probably take it easy.”
“I’m fine.”
“You still look a little pale.”
“I said I’m FINE, dammit.”
Yumichika tossed his head lightly. “Fine. If you say so.”
“I’ve BEEN sayin’ so.” Ikkaku growled back.
“Ichigo and the others are leaving in a few days.” The other mentioned idly. “Do you think you’re fine enough to fight with him again?”
There was a pause of consideration and a thoughtful frown. Ikkaku put a hand against his stomach. “…Not too sure ‘bout that.”
“That’s what you get for eating red bean paste filled tempura.”
“Red bean? Orihime-chan said it was sweet bean.”
Yumichika wrinkled his nose. “Either way, I don’t know how you thought that was appealing.”
Ikkaku pulled a face at the thought. “We should probably patent her cooking as biological warfare.”
“Ah, speaking of which, there’s Ichigo!”
The boy waited as the two shinigami approached, thumbs hooked in his belt. “Took you two long enough.” He told them. “I was starting to get bored.”
“Since when did we become your entertainment?”
“Since I started getting bored around here. And would you back off? Your face disturbs me.” Ichigo sneered, pushing Ikkaku away.
Putting a hand to his cheek, Yumichika supplied, “I tell him that, too. But he refuses to use any of the facial creams I give him. In fact, he lets the vice-captain use it as finger-paints.”
“That’s ‘cause I ain’t a dammed pansy-ass flamer!”
“With an attitude like that,” Ichigo said dully, “it’s a surprise you’re friends with a nice girl like that.”
Yumichika put a hand over his eyes as Ikkaku turned slowly, expression carefully empty and dark. “A girl like who?” He asked quietly.
“That one from the 12th.” The Shun Shun Rikka apparently didn’t do anything to cure Ichigo’s deficient self-preservation instinct. “Though maybe she’ll think some sense into herself.”
A sword clicked half an inch out of its sheath and Ichigo saw it glint out of the corner of his eye. And saw himself looking back in the fine edge of the weapon as immense pressure darkened the hall around him.
“What,” Ikkaku loomed, his teeth bared like a snarling wildcat, “did you tell Nemu?”
Ichigo swallowed as said self-preservation instinct finally caught up and kicked him in the head. “Er…”
~*~*~*~
“Yamamoto-soutaichou.” She bowed to him, fingers delicately folded against the floor. “Thank you for seeing me on such short notice.”
“For you, who has never asked anything of anyone,” the old man said, beckoning her closer, “to suddenly request a private audience, it must be something of great importance.”
Settling in front of the captain-general, Nemu nodded her head. “It’s about my father.”
Yamamoto raised a great eyebrow. There were so many different directions this conversation could take. “Yes? What about Kurotsuchi-taichou?”
“He is my father. I respect him and care about him very, very much. I would do anything he asked of me, but…” She trailed, trying to keep her thoughts in order. “I’ve disobeyed him twice. I resurrected my zanpakuto when he forbade me to keep it. I keep an acquaintance with the one person he forbade me to associate with.
“I want to support him. I’ve helped him recover from the fight with the Quincy. I was so relieved that none of the injuries were permanent. And yet… Yet I feel as if I can’t keep living like this.” Biting her lip, Nemu lowered her eyes. “Because of Kurosaki-san and Ishida-san, I’ve come to realize that I really am of no use to anyone. I want to protect… protect the person I deeply care for, but I know that I’m not strong enough. But Mayuri-sama doesn’t wish for me to become strong. He wants to control me but…” She shook her head. “I’m sorry, Yamamoto-soutaichou. I shouldn’t be saying such things about a captain-“
She saw his hand raise and cut herself off. “Kurotsuchi-san,” he said gently, folding his hands together, “speak freely.”
Nodding, Nemu’s hands twisted on themselves, folding imaginary bits of paper between them. “It’s just that so many people protect me, but I can’t do the same for them. I’m no where near as strong as the other vice-captains. They have their own wills and goals and drives, but I don’t. I can see them all becoming stronger, but I haven’t changed throughout the years. It was only with Ura- with the previous captain encouraging me that I felt the need to better myself. But Mayuri-sama doesn’t care about my skills so long as I can complete what he orders me to.”
Yamamoto nodded to himself. “And you feel that you need to be transferred else where, am I correct? Otherwise, Kurotsuchi-taichou will keep you from growing into your potential.”
“…that is how I feel, yes.”
“Kurotsuchi-taichou is a very controversial subject. Especially among the other captains. A good number of them feel he is not a fit leader.” Yamamoto’s long, bony fingers brushed against his desk. “What do you feel?”
“He is my father. I believe my opinion would be biased in that regards.”
“And yet you feel you would be better off apart from him.”
Nemu bit her lip and said nothing.
“There is nothing wrong with that.” The old man said. “All children must grow up and part from their parents. It is a natural course of life. However, the real question is what you plan to do once you’re no longer under him. It’s not guaranteed you’ll be given a status as exalted as vice-captain in any of the other divisions.”
“I wouldn’t ask to be given a position I haven’t earned.” She said quietly. “I don’t feel I would be of any use in the other divisions, either. My talents lie with the 12th division.”
“Then where do you wish to go?”
“There is one place I have in mind. I still have much to learn and master. But…”
“Are you worried about what others would say?” The captain-general asked kindly. “Are you worried about what would happen to the division when you are not there to act as a buffer between them and your father?”
“A… a little, yes.”
Nodding his head, Yamamoto said slowly, “I could possibly send someone of my choosing to fill in as vice-captain. Temporarily.” He eyed Nemu mildly. “Do you plan on ever returning, Kurotsuchi-san?”
“I… I suppose. Once I become strong enough.”
“I’m sure your friends are happy with your decision.”
“I haven’t told him, yet.”
Yamamoto smiled behind his hands. “Perhaps you should. Madarame-san worries terribly over you, you know.”
“Yes, I know…” Nemu’s head came up quickly. “H-How did you…?”
But the 1st division captain waved off the question. “Just think of gossip as a passing hobby of an old man. To have someone standing so staunchly beside you is quite an honor.”
Nemu smiled to herself. “Yes, it is. Though many others don’t seem to think the same way.”
Chuckling, Yamamoto leaned back. “Madarame-san is not an easy one to work with, no. But if you treat him correctly, he is invaluable. He’s rather well respected, even among the captains and vice-captains, did you know?”
She looked up, surprised. “N-No. I was never aware.”
“He’s a hard worker. Very reliable and he trains very good men. Except he loves fighting a bit too much for many of the other captains to be comfortable with him and he wouldn’t listen to most of them anyway.” Yamamoto chuckled again, louder. “That and Zaraki-taichou refuses to give him up to any of the other divisions.”
“It’s Ikkaku’s dream.” Nemu said proudly. “He wants to beat Zaraki-taichou and become the 11th division captain.”
“That is not an easy task. I wish him the very best.”
“I don’t know if he’ll ever reach his goal, but I have faith in him.” Nemu said. “I don’t doubt that he’ll give it his all, every step of the way.”
“And I have no doubt that you will do the same.” Yamamoto reached out to ruffle Nemu’s hair like a doting grandfather. “I’m glad he’s inspired you so. Watching you with that small, hidden smile on your face brightens my day.” Nemu blushed prettily, unable to help a smile spreading. “Now, tell me where you wish go and I’ll do everything in my power to help you.”
~*~*~*~
The lanterns were being lit when Nemu made her way down the long walk past the divisions. After meeting with the captain-general, Nemu’s heart felt light but fear and uncertainty quivered at the base of her spine. In the end the transfer was the easiest part. Telling Mayuri-sama, she knew, would not be nearly as simple.
“Yo, Nemu.”
She paused and looked up, careful to keep a knowing smile from spreading. “Hello, Ikkaku.” She said politely. “Were you waiting long?”
Crouched on the tiles of the 11th division’s gate, Ikkaku flushed and looked away. “Waitin’? Nah, I was just, you know, just hangin’ out is all.”
“Of course.”
“So… you headin’ back to your division?” He asked, jumping down beside her.
They fell into step, almost shoulder to shoulder. “Yes.”
“So, uh…” Ikkaku tried to look nonchalant, “I heard you met Ichigo today.”
“Kurosaki-san is a very kind boy.”
“He’s all right. Pretty full of himself if you ask me.”
She couldn’t help smiling a little. “I think he has a right to be very confident in himself.”
Ikkaku snorted. “He’s still a jackass, though.” He shot Nemu a sidelong glance. “What, uh, did he say exactly? You know, to make him say you had somethin’ to think about?”
She looked up at him, surprised to find him anxious about the subject. Though she knew Ikkaku worried about her, it was still both flattering and immensely charming to actually see. Smiling warmly, Nemu took the hand that he hooked into his belt and laced her fingers with his. Ikkaku blinked down at her, surprised.
“It didn’t have anything to do with how I feel about you.” She said a little shyly. “It was something else.”
“Oh.” Relieved but nonetheless still curious, Ikkaku asked, “About what?”
“I talked to Yamamoto-soutaichou.”
“Yama-ji?” Was it that bad? “What for?”
“I’ve requested a transfer.”
Ikkaku’s steps rocked to a halt. “Transfer? Transfer to where?”
She turned to step in front of him. “Aren’t you curious as to why I wanted a transfer?”
“Why? Obviously because you’ve had enough of your asshat father!”
Nemu’s lips turned down disapprovingly and Ikkaku heaved a reluctant sigh.
“Okay, okay. He may be an asshat, but he’s still your father. Sorry.”
She tugged at his hand. “Ask me why.”
A smile quirked at Ikkaku’s lips. “Why do you want to transfer?”
“Kurosaki-san brought up a point I hadn’t thought about before.” Nemu said, continuing their walk. “You shouldn’t have to be strong enough to face Mayuri-sama alone. If I truly care for you, I should be there with you.”
“Oh yeah?” Hn. Maybe Ichigo wasn’t such an idiot after all. Damn, he’d have to thank the brat next time he saw him.
“Except that I can’t become stronger under Mayuri-sama. I need to relearn the things he forced me to forget, I need to practice the skills I haven’t used in so long.”
“So? Where you goin’?”
For the first time since she received her zanpakutou Nemu felt excited and she smiled brightly and her eyes shone under the stars and lanterns. If Ikkaku didn’t think he was in love with her before he definitely was now. “I’m going to train to be an instructor at the academy.” She said, turning to him and holding his hand tightly. “Ever since Urahara-taichou left, their science division has been steadily falling behind because Mayuri-sama thinks it’s a waste of time. I’m going to go there to help them and I’m going to learn everything I can there.”
“The academy?” Nemu took one look at his expression and her heart fell.
“What is it?” She asked carefully. “I thought you’d be happy for me. It was my own decision.”
“No- I mean I AM, it’s just,” he shook his head, “it’s nothin’. It’s stupid, forget it.”
“Are you worried that we won’t be able to see each other as much?”
Ikkaku flushed and looked away, but said nothing.
Smiling at that, Nemu put her other hand over Ikkaku’s wrist, tracing over the tendons, alternating between light touches and gentle strokes over his forearm. “Ikkaku,” she said softly, “did you think that my transfer would be the end?”
“…No.”
She adjusted her grip and brought his hand up, rubbing over his knuckles as she asked, “Do you think I’ll forget about you while I’m there?”
“No.”
Nemu put a hand against Ikkaku’s jaw, forcing him to look at her. “Then why are you upset?”
“Because…” He gave a resigned frown. “Because I can’t look after you when you’re that far away.”
“I know.” Nemu said softly. “I need to get stronger on my own. I need to get stronger for your sake as well as my own.”
“My sake?”
“Because I want to be as capable as the other vice-captains. So you no longer have to worry about me.”
He gave a little snort. “I’ll always worry about you, even if you were as strong as me.”
At that she smiled again. “I’m glad for that. But at least you don’t actually have to.”
Ikkaku smirked down softly at her. “You know, everyone would be surprised if they knew how you acted when they aren’t around.”
“I’d be surprised too,” she replied, her hand trailing from his jaw to his neck, light on his Adam’s apple, “if I thought about it first.”
“I told ya thinkin’ just gets in the way.”
“You think.” She memorized how his neck fell under his collar, the arc of the spine as it met the skull, the line from ear to cheek with her hand. She wrapped each one and locked it in her mind so she could unravel them whenever she needed to remember what courage and strength felt like. “I see you thinking all the time.”
Ikkaku intercepted her hand, holding it tightly against his chest. “You’d be surprised,” he leaned in with a grin, “at some of the things I think about.”
“And it gets in the way?”
“I haven’t done any of the things I’ve thought about yet, so I guess they do.”
She actually smirked back at him. “And you’re not going to do what you’re thinking about right now, are you?”
Ikkaku’s eyes widened slightly. “Well, since you asked so nicely.” He closed the distance between them and Nemu’s eyes fluttered closed against the kiss. It was simple and chaste, but she whimpered lightly when he teethed at her lower lip, tracing the blush of her mouth with his before pulling back. “That should tide you over for now, right?”
Nemu looked up at him, eyes wide and brighter with her cheeks flushed. Damn if it didn’t make Ikkaku want to do it again. “…was there more?”
“There was a lot more.” He grinned wickedly. “You probably wouldn’t want me gettin’ into that on the walkways. Besides, we got time. I’ll make sure of it.”
“A-Ah.”
“You should probably get goin’.” Ikkaku said, letting her hands slip from his. “Kurotsuchi’s probably already on a rampage for you.”
“You’re probably right.” She took a step back, a little shakier than she thought, and turned.
“Hey, Nemu.”
She paused. “Yes?”
“When you tell Kurotsuchi about gettin’ transferred,” he said with a stubborn frown, “let me know. I wanna be there when you tell him.”
Nemu’s brow knit. “But-“
“No buts. I know what he’s gonna do when you tell him.” Ikkaku scowled. “And if you think I’m gonna sit on my ass when that happens we may start to have problems here.”
Slowly, Nemu smiled warmly at him. She knew better than to expect him to sit quietly by, but to hear him say that made her feel that much more certain that what she was doing was the right decision. “Thank you.”
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2005-11-03 12:53 am (UTC)So cute. ^^ Although I'm a little afraid of what Mayuri's gonna do...
no subject
Date: 2005-11-03 09:55 pm (UTC)But I'm glad that you're enjoying things so far^^
no subject
Date: 2005-11-03 01:42 am (UTC)Great chapter. ^__^ Yay for character development and fluffiness! :D
no subject
Date: 2005-11-03 09:56 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-11-03 10:02 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-11-03 02:32 am (UTC)This makes me unbelievably happy. :D Slightly worried about what will happen when Nemu tells Mayuri, but for now, this is so cute! I'm so glad for them! XD
no subject
Date: 2005-11-03 09:57 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-11-04 12:02 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-11-03 02:42 am (UTC)And I love how random Ichigo is. That was awesome. It's actually pretty neat that you only used the "save Rukia" stuff in reflection. Makes you kind of reflect on the recovering Ikkaku being interrogated by Mayuri with Nemu for yourself...
no subject
Date: 2005-11-03 10:10 pm (UTC)I was also going to try my hand at that scene too, but someone else already did a better one (http://www.livejournal.com/community/ikkanemu/1070.html#cutid2) than I could^^
no subject
Date: 2005-11-03 02:54 am (UTC)Haha... Looks like you made a big jump into the Soul Society arc! I should have known. *grinz*
Ichigo's so random I love him! I like how you portrayed him... And then Ikkaku threatening him... Lolz... He oughta know when to keep his mouth shut.
“That should tide you over for now, right?”
Sighs...~
no subject
Date: 2005-11-03 10:11 pm (UTC)Ichigo's much fun. I should really use him more XDD
no subject
Date: 2005-11-03 05:04 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-11-03 10:12 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-11-03 06:43 am (UTC)Such wonderful Ikkaku x Nemu. It blows me away.^___^ Keep up the good work.
no subject
Date: 2005-11-03 10:12 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-11-04 12:45 am (UTC)Good job, Nemu!!!
YAMA-JII!!! YYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! ^_^ He soo cool!
A KISS! YYYYYYYYYESSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*dance*
THAT THAT YA SON OF ($%($, MAYURI!!!!
no subject
Date: 2005-11-05 09:53 pm (UTC)Now...I MUST do fanart of them!!! The kiss part...*melts* sooo sweet!
Don't let Mayuri hurt Nemu too much! (though I know he'll try)
no subject
Date: 2005-11-07 09:35 pm (UTC)And hurray for another fan! We need more! And I'll give you cookies for doing fanart *loves fanart!*
no subject
Date: 2005-11-11 07:32 pm (UTC)eee! love this fic! a nontraditional pairing, but your writing made me fall in love with them! i hope you update soon, though writing about how Mayuri will react, i can imagine, is hard and will be dreaded...
*sends you much, much love ♥