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ajremixOriginally a series of losely connected drabbles, I've condensed them all into one entry. Hence why 1,000+ words is under the drabble tag.
Title: (A)Typical Day
Fandom: Bleach
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1785
Characters: Karakura Shinigami
Summary: Spoilers for 195 and up. Mildly AU because I’m enthralled at the thought of them living together.
6:00 AM
“Yumi! I’m giving you one fucking minute to get your fruity ass outta that bathroom!”
“Louder, Madarame-san.” Rukia said dryly, “I can still hear.”
“You can either suck it up or go somewhere else, Kuchiki.” Ikkaku growled, pounding on the door again. “DAMMIT YUMI! Don’t make me bust this door down!”
“Except you won’t,” Yumichika’s voice sang from the bathroom, “because Hitsugaya-taichou says you’re paying to replace the next thing you break!”
Renji spat into the kitchen sink where he’d taken habit of brushing his teeth, tired of the morning race for the bathrooms. “Just use the other one, Ikkaku.”
“Rangiku’s in the shower.”
Renji pulled a face. “She’s been in there for an hour!”
Rukia sighed. “You know, I’d mention taking care of all that hair is very time consuming but neither of you would understand.”
They both glared at her. “What’s THAT supposed to mean?”
“Well you’re bald. And the only thing you do with your hair is pull it in a ponytail.”
“The fuck’s that gotta do with anything?” Ikkaku pounded again. “Why don’t you just superglue the fucking things to your goddamn face already??”
Renji shook his head and made room in the kitchen for the captain. “Captain, not to sound like I’m second guessing your decision or anything, but why didn’t we get a place with more bathrooms?”
Hitsugaya- by no means a morning person –stumbled to the sink with a thick-handled Digimon toothbrush (because it was cheap) in one hand and an I am Pirate King! mug (also cheap) in the other. Somewhere in his half-awake grumbling he managed “The property value’s better in this neighborhood.”
Renji put a hand to his face and wished he had his own apartment.
6:40 AM
“RRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGH!!!”
By now habitual pedestrians have recognized the sound to be the warning it was for following closely behind the cry came a stampede.
“Late AGAIN!” Hitsugaya growled out. “WHY are we always LATE??”
“Maybe if some people didn’t take two fucking hours in the bathroom every morning-“
“MAYBE it wouldn’t take FORTY MINUTES,” Yumichika replied tersely, “if you didn’t keep distracting me every three seconds!”
“And maybe if you didn’t stay up until four in the morning you’d be able to wake up early enough to get to a bathroom first.” Rangiku added.
“Like you need to shave your head everyday anyway. Just grow your hair out.”
Ikkaku snapped. “Shut the fuck up! I needed to take a piss you stupid bastard!”
Already pissed at the onslaught of a headache this early in the morning, Renji said, “It would help if we could maybe run a little faster?”
Rukia glared. “Do YOU want to try running in a skirt this short? I don’t know how these human girls can manage!”
“Probably by not being LATE every morning!” Hitsugaya snapped at the lot of them. “I shouldn’t have to be regulating officers! You should know how to act- especially on a mission this important!”
“Maybe if SOMEONE weren’t always so-“
“Oh, don’t even try pinnin’ this one on me!”
“Who said I was talking to YOU?”
“I saw you roll your eyes at me!”
“Would you two stop for ONE SECOND??”
“Like you’re a saint yourself?”
Hitsugaya cupped his hands over his ears. “Make the hurting stop.”
9:28 AM
“What the-“ Rukia looked around irritable. “Where did that idiot Renji go? I woke him up at the end of the last class!”
The other shinigami looked around, just as confused. “That’s odd. He was changing over with us.” Yumichika said. “I don’t know where he could’ve gone.”
“Oh! There he is!” Rangiku pointed.
Renji stalked up to them, grumbling and snarling and hands in the pockets of his shorts. “Where have you been?” Hitsugaya growled. “We’re only running track today, it’s not like it’s difficult.”
The redhead snorted. “It wasn’t that.”
“Then where-” The young captain cut himself off when three bloodied classmates crawled out of the enclave Renji had vacated moments before.
“If I can’t smoke, like hell I’d let anyone else.”
11:30 AM
The shinigami scowled at the crowd. “This,” Hitsugaya sneered, “is disgusting.”
“Yeah.” The others agreed.
“No order, no sense, just complete anarchy.”
“Yeah…”
“Who has money?”
The other five patted their pockets.
“Lessee, I still got 500 from that punk that tried to jump us yesterday.”
“Found this 10 piece on the ground this morning.”
“Ichigo hasn’t paid me back the 2,000 from yesterday.”
“Spent mine getting the memory scrambler recharged.”
“I got 5,000 for helping some of the girls in class with beauty tips.”
Hitsugaya nodded. “Alright, Ayasekawa is paying today. We’ll pay you back.”
The fifth seat shrugged. “It’s fine. Someone just has to get me a box of those delicious little cream puffs from the bakery on the corner.”
“Deal.” Hitsugaya cleared his throat. “Madarame?”
“Gotcha, captain.” Ikkaku pulled his boukuto from his belt. “YOU’VE GOT FIVE FUCKING SECONDS THE GET THE FUCK OUTTA MY WAY BEFORE I STARTED BEATIN’ YOU SONS OF BITCHES WITH YOUR OWN GODDAMN SPINES AND IF I GET ANY FUCKIN’ LIP YOUR GONNA BE PICKIN’ TEETH OUTTA YOUR KIDNEYS!”
Hitsugaya sighed almost happily as the other students bolted out of their way. “I knew the 11th division was good for something.”
The mission may have emphasized on keeping a low profile, but few things were more important than being able to get a decent sandwich at school’s lunch stand.
2:35 PM
Hitsugaya raised an eyebrow as Rangiku returned. “What did the teacher have to say?”
Rangiku groaned, putting a workbook on the desk as she sat with the other shinigami-slash-students. “She says I’m not putting enough effort into my work and I haven’t been looking over the chapters. She gave me this workbook- I have to do one section a night.”
“Extra homework?” Hitsugaya frowned more severely than usual. “Let’s see that test she talked to you about.” He took the proffered paper, looking at it critically. “…..I’m astounded.”
“Aren’t you though?” Rangiku asked. “I mean, where does this woman come off telling me my work and work ethic is unsatisfactory? She’s not my boss, I don’t answer to her!”
Hitsugaya gave her a LOOK but said nothing on the subject. Instead he stuck to the situation at hand. “Matsumoto,” he said, “you never TOUCHED that textbook outside of class, did you?”
She shifted as the others snickered. “Of course I did, captain!”
“Asides from in class and carrying it around?”
“………………yes.”
“When?”
“The first day. And then I tried never to touch it again.” The snickers turned into cackles. “Shut up!” She told them. “These things don’t make any sort of sense! I mean, who would ever use integers and variables in a real life situation, anyway?”
“It doesn’t matter what you’d use it for, but you should at least make an ATTEMPT to show you know the subject.” Hitsugaya glared at the test. “Look at this: 1, 8, 12, 14, 20. What is the mean? Battle of the Bulges??”
Rangiku looked indignant over the guffaws of her colleagues. “What? It makes sense!”
“What part of this makes any sort of sense at ALL?”
“Well you see, 1 would be the first to fall because it’s so small and fragile. 12 and 14 would have a close fight, but 14 is pointier and would ultimately triumph but because it fought so hard against 12 it would be mortally wounded so 8 would finish it off easy. And because 8 and 20 are so rounded-“
Hitsugaya cut in after Rukia started crying and Renji fell out of his chair, choking on their laughter. “You’ve been talking to Inoue again, haven’t you?”
“Orihime-chan gets good grades, I don’t see how I could be having problems.” Rangiku crossed her arms irritably. “How come none of you get such bad grades?”
Helping Renji back into his seat, Ikkaku raised an eyebrow at her. “Hello? 11th division? We cheat?” Renji nodded, wheezing in agreement.
“That Asano kid would give me his liver if I smiled prettily enough. Test answers are no problem.” Rukia said proudly.
Hitsugaya hated to say this, but he had no other choice. “Just go for underhanded, Matsumoto. It doesn’t look like you’ll make it any other way.”
She paused for a long moment. “Okay!” Smiling brightly, Rangiku bounded out of her seat. “ICHIGO-KUN~! Will you help me with these problems? Pretty pretty pretty please?”
“ARGH! Stop! I don’t wanna see that!”
“Rangiku-chan! I’ll help you!”
“Hey, that’s not fair Chizuru!”
4:00 PM
The last bell of the day rang and gasps of relief came up around the classroom.
“FINALLY!” Renji sighed. “I thought this day would NEVER end!”
But Hitsugaya got to them before the group could split off. “Do you all understand your duties for the day?”
They looked at each other in varying degrees of ‘er…’
He gave them his patented impatient scowl. “Ayasekawa and Abarai are getting getting groceries for the week. Madarame and Kuchiki are cleaning the apartment- and nothing better be broken this time, Madarame. Matsumoto, since you have extra homework you’ll have to finish that before you do anything else.”
“But there was a show I really wanted to watch-“
“Some of the girls invited me to a café-“
“And there was this ‘skating park’ some guys were talkin’ about-“
“Oh knock it off!” Hitsugaya said loudly. “You’re officers! Duty comes first- you know that!”
Rangiku pouted. “Then what are you going to do, captain?”
He stuttered slightly. “Er, just do homework, then I have to that weekly report for Yamamoto-soutaichou.”
“Right,” said Renji, “and the fact that Ichigo brought in some of his manga has nothin’ to do with anythin’, does it?”
The captain colored slightly. “Of course! How childish!”
“So then Ichigo giving you said manga and you putting it in your bag is totally unrelated to you doing the weekly report five days early?”
“…” He glared bloody death. “Well… I’m captain! I worked hard to get where I am so I’m allowed to take it easy every once in a while!”
“So long as he gave you some more of that Kenshin stuff, I don’t care.” Ikkaku said.
Hitsugaya glared challengingly at the 3rd seat. “Oh no you don’t. I asked for it, I got dibs.”
“It takes you forever to read anyway.” Renji added. “You can get them last.”
“What?? I don’t fuckin’ think so!”
Rukia jumped into the argument. “Hey! What about ladies first, huh?”
“What lady? All I see here is a loudmouthed monk- OW!”
“If you want to keep your kneecap in one piece you won’t be finishing that sentence.”
Yumichika held a hand to his head and wondered if it someone else wanted to take his place.
Title: (A)Typical Day
Fandom: Bleach
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1785
Characters: Karakura Shinigami
Summary: Spoilers for 195 and up. Mildly AU because I’m enthralled at the thought of them living together.
6:00 AM
“Yumi! I’m giving you one fucking minute to get your fruity ass outta that bathroom!”
“Louder, Madarame-san.” Rukia said dryly, “I can still hear.”
“You can either suck it up or go somewhere else, Kuchiki.” Ikkaku growled, pounding on the door again. “DAMMIT YUMI! Don’t make me bust this door down!”
“Except you won’t,” Yumichika’s voice sang from the bathroom, “because Hitsugaya-taichou says you’re paying to replace the next thing you break!”
Renji spat into the kitchen sink where he’d taken habit of brushing his teeth, tired of the morning race for the bathrooms. “Just use the other one, Ikkaku.”
“Rangiku’s in the shower.”
Renji pulled a face. “She’s been in there for an hour!”
Rukia sighed. “You know, I’d mention taking care of all that hair is very time consuming but neither of you would understand.”
They both glared at her. “What’s THAT supposed to mean?”
“Well you’re bald. And the only thing you do with your hair is pull it in a ponytail.”
“The fuck’s that gotta do with anything?” Ikkaku pounded again. “Why don’t you just superglue the fucking things to your goddamn face already??”
Renji shook his head and made room in the kitchen for the captain. “Captain, not to sound like I’m second guessing your decision or anything, but why didn’t we get a place with more bathrooms?”
Hitsugaya- by no means a morning person –stumbled to the sink with a thick-handled Digimon toothbrush (because it was cheap) in one hand and an I am Pirate King! mug (also cheap) in the other. Somewhere in his half-awake grumbling he managed “The property value’s better in this neighborhood.”
Renji put a hand to his face and wished he had his own apartment.
6:40 AM
“RRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGH!!!”
By now habitual pedestrians have recognized the sound to be the warning it was for following closely behind the cry came a stampede.
“Late AGAIN!” Hitsugaya growled out. “WHY are we always LATE??”
“Maybe if some people didn’t take two fucking hours in the bathroom every morning-“
“MAYBE it wouldn’t take FORTY MINUTES,” Yumichika replied tersely, “if you didn’t keep distracting me every three seconds!”
“And maybe if you didn’t stay up until four in the morning you’d be able to wake up early enough to get to a bathroom first.” Rangiku added.
“Like you need to shave your head everyday anyway. Just grow your hair out.”
Ikkaku snapped. “Shut the fuck up! I needed to take a piss you stupid bastard!”
Already pissed at the onslaught of a headache this early in the morning, Renji said, “It would help if we could maybe run a little faster?”
Rukia glared. “Do YOU want to try running in a skirt this short? I don’t know how these human girls can manage!”
“Probably by not being LATE every morning!” Hitsugaya snapped at the lot of them. “I shouldn’t have to be regulating officers! You should know how to act- especially on a mission this important!”
“Maybe if SOMEONE weren’t always so-“
“Oh, don’t even try pinnin’ this one on me!”
“Who said I was talking to YOU?”
“I saw you roll your eyes at me!”
“Would you two stop for ONE SECOND??”
“Like you’re a saint yourself?”
Hitsugaya cupped his hands over his ears. “Make the hurting stop.”
9:28 AM
“What the-“ Rukia looked around irritable. “Where did that idiot Renji go? I woke him up at the end of the last class!”
The other shinigami looked around, just as confused. “That’s odd. He was changing over with us.” Yumichika said. “I don’t know where he could’ve gone.”
“Oh! There he is!” Rangiku pointed.
Renji stalked up to them, grumbling and snarling and hands in the pockets of his shorts. “Where have you been?” Hitsugaya growled. “We’re only running track today, it’s not like it’s difficult.”
The redhead snorted. “It wasn’t that.”
“Then where-” The young captain cut himself off when three bloodied classmates crawled out of the enclave Renji had vacated moments before.
“If I can’t smoke, like hell I’d let anyone else.”
11:30 AM
The shinigami scowled at the crowd. “This,” Hitsugaya sneered, “is disgusting.”
“Yeah.” The others agreed.
“No order, no sense, just complete anarchy.”
“Yeah…”
“Who has money?”
The other five patted their pockets.
“Lessee, I still got 500 from that punk that tried to jump us yesterday.”
“Found this 10 piece on the ground this morning.”
“Ichigo hasn’t paid me back the 2,000 from yesterday.”
“Spent mine getting the memory scrambler recharged.”
“I got 5,000 for helping some of the girls in class with beauty tips.”
Hitsugaya nodded. “Alright, Ayasekawa is paying today. We’ll pay you back.”
The fifth seat shrugged. “It’s fine. Someone just has to get me a box of those delicious little cream puffs from the bakery on the corner.”
“Deal.” Hitsugaya cleared his throat. “Madarame?”
“Gotcha, captain.” Ikkaku pulled his boukuto from his belt. “YOU’VE GOT FIVE FUCKING SECONDS THE GET THE FUCK OUTTA MY WAY BEFORE I STARTED BEATIN’ YOU SONS OF BITCHES WITH YOUR OWN GODDAMN SPINES AND IF I GET ANY FUCKIN’ LIP YOUR GONNA BE PICKIN’ TEETH OUTTA YOUR KIDNEYS!”
Hitsugaya sighed almost happily as the other students bolted out of their way. “I knew the 11th division was good for something.”
The mission may have emphasized on keeping a low profile, but few things were more important than being able to get a decent sandwich at school’s lunch stand.
2:35 PM
Hitsugaya raised an eyebrow as Rangiku returned. “What did the teacher have to say?”
Rangiku groaned, putting a workbook on the desk as she sat with the other shinigami-slash-students. “She says I’m not putting enough effort into my work and I haven’t been looking over the chapters. She gave me this workbook- I have to do one section a night.”
“Extra homework?” Hitsugaya frowned more severely than usual. “Let’s see that test she talked to you about.” He took the proffered paper, looking at it critically. “…..I’m astounded.”
“Aren’t you though?” Rangiku asked. “I mean, where does this woman come off telling me my work and work ethic is unsatisfactory? She’s not my boss, I don’t answer to her!”
Hitsugaya gave her a LOOK but said nothing on the subject. Instead he stuck to the situation at hand. “Matsumoto,” he said, “you never TOUCHED that textbook outside of class, did you?”
She shifted as the others snickered. “Of course I did, captain!”
“Asides from in class and carrying it around?”
“………………yes.”
“When?”
“The first day. And then I tried never to touch it again.” The snickers turned into cackles. “Shut up!” She told them. “These things don’t make any sort of sense! I mean, who would ever use integers and variables in a real life situation, anyway?”
“It doesn’t matter what you’d use it for, but you should at least make an ATTEMPT to show you know the subject.” Hitsugaya glared at the test. “Look at this: 1, 8, 12, 14, 20. What is the mean? Battle of the Bulges??”
Rangiku looked indignant over the guffaws of her colleagues. “What? It makes sense!”
“What part of this makes any sort of sense at ALL?”
“Well you see, 1 would be the first to fall because it’s so small and fragile. 12 and 14 would have a close fight, but 14 is pointier and would ultimately triumph but because it fought so hard against 12 it would be mortally wounded so 8 would finish it off easy. And because 8 and 20 are so rounded-“
Hitsugaya cut in after Rukia started crying and Renji fell out of his chair, choking on their laughter. “You’ve been talking to Inoue again, haven’t you?”
“Orihime-chan gets good grades, I don’t see how I could be having problems.” Rangiku crossed her arms irritably. “How come none of you get such bad grades?”
Helping Renji back into his seat, Ikkaku raised an eyebrow at her. “Hello? 11th division? We cheat?” Renji nodded, wheezing in agreement.
“That Asano kid would give me his liver if I smiled prettily enough. Test answers are no problem.” Rukia said proudly.
Hitsugaya hated to say this, but he had no other choice. “Just go for underhanded, Matsumoto. It doesn’t look like you’ll make it any other way.”
She paused for a long moment. “Okay!” Smiling brightly, Rangiku bounded out of her seat. “ICHIGO-KUN~! Will you help me with these problems? Pretty pretty pretty please?”
“ARGH! Stop! I don’t wanna see that!”
“Rangiku-chan! I’ll help you!”
“Hey, that’s not fair Chizuru!”
4:00 PM
The last bell of the day rang and gasps of relief came up around the classroom.
“FINALLY!” Renji sighed. “I thought this day would NEVER end!”
But Hitsugaya got to them before the group could split off. “Do you all understand your duties for the day?”
They looked at each other in varying degrees of ‘er…’
He gave them his patented impatient scowl. “Ayasekawa and Abarai are getting getting groceries for the week. Madarame and Kuchiki are cleaning the apartment- and nothing better be broken this time, Madarame. Matsumoto, since you have extra homework you’ll have to finish that before you do anything else.”
“But there was a show I really wanted to watch-“
“Some of the girls invited me to a café-“
“And there was this ‘skating park’ some guys were talkin’ about-“
“Oh knock it off!” Hitsugaya said loudly. “You’re officers! Duty comes first- you know that!”
Rangiku pouted. “Then what are you going to do, captain?”
He stuttered slightly. “Er, just do homework, then I have to that weekly report for Yamamoto-soutaichou.”
“Right,” said Renji, “and the fact that Ichigo brought in some of his manga has nothin’ to do with anythin’, does it?”
The captain colored slightly. “Of course! How childish!”
“So then Ichigo giving you said manga and you putting it in your bag is totally unrelated to you doing the weekly report five days early?”
“…” He glared bloody death. “Well… I’m captain! I worked hard to get where I am so I’m allowed to take it easy every once in a while!”
“So long as he gave you some more of that Kenshin stuff, I don’t care.” Ikkaku said.
Hitsugaya glared challengingly at the 3rd seat. “Oh no you don’t. I asked for it, I got dibs.”
“It takes you forever to read anyway.” Renji added. “You can get them last.”
“What?? I don’t fuckin’ think so!”
Rukia jumped into the argument. “Hey! What about ladies first, huh?”
“What lady? All I see here is a loudmouthed monk- OW!”
“If you want to keep your kneecap in one piece you won’t be finishing that sentence.”
Yumichika held a hand to his head and wondered if it someone else wanted to take his place.
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no subject
Date: 2005-11-02 02:24 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-11-02 04:49 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-11-02 02:33 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-11-02 04:50 pm (UTC)Unfortunately real life's been sucking the creativity out of me. Hopefully this week'll slow down and I can get back to writing again^^;;
no subject
Date: 2005-11-02 02:47 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-11-02 04:51 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-11-02 02:53 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-11-02 04:51 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-11-02 02:54 am (UTC)♥
Funniest thing I've read in awhile. lol
no subject
Date: 2005-11-02 04:51 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-11-02 06:13 am (UTC)You wrote someone instead of some. Otherwise, excellent (as far as I could see).
no subject
Date: 2005-11-02 04:52 pm (UTC)I'll change the typo, thanks for catching it!
no subject
Date: 2005-11-03 01:15 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-11-02 05:44 pm (UTC)Kubo-sensei should have done it this way. ^^ There's too much room for fun. Your Yumichika is <3. Just so you know.
no subject
Date: 2005-11-02 09:05 pm (UTC)