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ajremixTitle: Come What May – Never is a Long Time
Fandom: Bleach
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 4835
Characters: Ikkaku, Nemu, Renji, Yumichika, Zaraki
Summary: Following Rundown, Top of the Caste, Smile for Me, Setting Stages, Daily Reprieve, Odds Against, One Step Beyond, Seating Arrangements, Distances Between, Time Misspent, Burnt Bridges, Ties that Break, Impulse, Limit Break Pt.1 and Limit Break Pt.2.An experiment, if you will. A kick in the ass.
“Gimme a break! Is that the best you guys got? Hey! Yeah, I see you slackin’ back there! Congratulations, you just won 20 more reps for everyone!” The crowd groaned and Renji snarled at them. “WHAT WAS THAT? THANK YOU, 4th SEAT ABARAI-SAN, WE’RE GLAD YOU’RE TAKING TIME OUT TO TRAIN WITH US?”
They stifled their groans this time. “Thank you, 4th seat Abarai-san, for training with us!”
“Maa. I suppose it’s a lively bunch, today.”
Renji turned to find Yumichika approaching, a couple papers in his hand. “Meh.” He sneered at the group again. “You let them take one break, they think they can just half-ass the rest of the day.” He put his hands in his belt. “So? How’s he doin’?”
Yumichika sighed. “I haven’t checked on him this morning.”
“Yumi…”
“Well, it’s not like he’s just going to change over night!” He shot back. “He’s been like this for three days, now. I’ve never seen him like this, I’m…” Yumichika shuffled a foot. “Well, I’m a little worried.”
Renji scratched at his nose, looking over the exercising 11th division members without actually seeing them. “…Yeah. I am, too.”
“Renji, what’re we going to do?”
“We keep at him, I guess. There’s nothing else we can do. I REALLY don’t want to have to deal with our last resort.”
The 5th seat grimaced at the thought. “Right.” He pulled lightly at his neckpiece. “I’ll finish these reports and then I’ll try talking to him again.”
“Thanks, Yumi.”
~*~*~*~
“Ikkaku~!”
“Go away, Yumi.”
“Don’t be like that. Look! I even brought you breakfast!”
“Not hungry.”
Yumichika took in the lump on the bedroll with a frown. In the past three days, the only thing anyone’d seen of the 3rd seat was sealed up in a blanket- and that sight was only reserved for Yumichika and Renji.
“Ikkaku, really.” He chided. “This is getting old, don’t you think? Seeing you mope about the first day was a little amusing, yes. The second day, well that’s understandable to an extent. Yesterday, still understandable but starting to wear thin. Today, though? Now it’s just getting ridiculous.”
“Hmph.”
“We can only cover for you so much, you know.” His voice was a little sharper. “Everyone’s starting to ask where you are and even the captain’s starting to get pissy about it.”
“Tell ‘em I’m on sick leave.”
He scowled at the lump. “You’re only on sick leave if you’re sick. And Unohana-taichou has to sign you off for it.”
“Then I’m on regular leave! Just leave me alone, already!”
Yumichika put a hand to his head. “I really don’t want to get the captain involved in this, Ikkaku. But if you’re going to keep being so stubborn, I will.”
“Fuck off!”
There was a sigh followed by the sound of someone leaving. It wasn’t much later- or maybe it was, he wasn’t paying attention –when someone else came by the room. And, because you couldn’t mistake that uncontrolled spirit leak anywhere, Ikkaku burrowed further under the blanket with a grimace.
“Yo.” Zaraki growled into the room. “So this is where you’ve been hidin’.”
Which made Ikkaku wonder where Renji and Yumi has said he'd been the past few days. Ah, crap. That probably meant they thought he owed them.
“Get up.”
“Captain,” came the muffled reply, “I’m really not-“
There was a hand on the back of his head and it drew him back. And then slammed him face first into the floor.
“Gah- FUMPH!” He curled up, gripping his nose in agony. “MMPH!”
“Get up.” Suddenly Ikkaku was being lifted up by the back of the collar and dangled several inches off the ground. “Do ya think I’m playin’ here? Get the fuck up!” He was dumped unceremoniously on his ass.
“The hell’s wrong with you?” Zaraki snarled.
“Don’t wanna talk about it.” Came the reply, mumbled through fingers and a grimace.
“I don’t care what happened. I wanna know why you’re bein’ such a little bitch ‘bout it.”
Warily, Ikkaku got to his feet. “It’s nothin’, really Captain. I just need to-“
“My ass! You’ve had half a week to work this shit out but you’ve just been in here sulkin’!” Snarling, Zaraki shoved his face toward Ikkaku. “Why the hell do you think you’re my third seat? Why the hell do you think I’m allowin’ you to go on with yer goal ta kill me and take my place? I ain’t in the habit of puttin’ faith inta people, but I sure as hell didn’t think you’d just roll over dead ‘cuz one thing didn’t go your way. You wanna be the strongest? So do a lot of other people. That means you ain’t got time to backtrack, got it?”
Ikkaku nodded grimly. “Yes, sir. I apologize.”
“Good.” Zaraki leaned back, his eye narrowed and obviously not trusting the response. “You better shape up or I’m gonna have ta get rough on ya.”
“Yes, Captain.”
~*~*~*~
The chow hall was unnaturally hushed that day. It didn’t take long to discern the source of the division’s unease. Not with the way they whispered and glanced about.
Renji snarled at them and even though they eeped and studiously didn’t look around, he knew it would just start up again in another minute. He plopped down next to Ikkaku, who seemed interested in only pushing his food around and ignoring Yumichika as he chattered on his other side.
“Hey, that’s a surprise!” Renji said loudly. “You’re actually wearing your sword at your hip for once!” Ikkaku gave a little shrug and proceeded to ignore Renji as well. The redhead looked at Yumichika and the other man just rolled his eyes. “Man, ya know you’re bein’ pretty pitiful right now, right? I mean, come on!”
“Already tried that.”
“Eh?”
Yumichika sighed. “Tried reasoning, tried provoking, even tried the vice-captain, but she eventually got bored and left.”
Renji ran a hand over his face. “Great. What the hell are we supposed to do, then?”
There was a brief pause. “There’s always the last, last resort.”
~*~*~*~
It was empty in the halls. Rightly so, as most division members were out on patrol or sweeping alleys or resting up from a long night of guard duty. Finding that most of his reports were already completed, Ikkaku leaned against a wall in the hallway, watching sightlessly out the window.
A voice rumbled deeply in his ear. “Ikkaku.”
He turned. And almost fell off a pole. “WAH! Geez!” He pin wheeled his arms, gaining some semblance of balance. “WARN me when you’re going to do that!”
Hozukimaru merely gazed back, heavy brows folded over his yellow eyes, floppy lips turned down severely. Ikkaku shivered at the expression.
“What?” He asked the demon.
“What,” came the displeased reply, “are you doing?”
“…Doing? What do you mean?”
“All you’re doing is feeling sorry for yourself. Are you so weak that you can’t survive one set back?” Teeth ground around his pipe. “Are you that feeble minded? I chose to be your partner because I believed you had great potential in you. You had such promise, you reached levels others thought you incapable of. And yet instead of doing what you’re capable of, you’re prepared to let the world walk over you.”
“It’s not that simple.” Ikkaku crouched down, rubbing his head tiredly.
“How is it not simple? You meet a challenge, you overcome it. Some thing gives you a fight, you fight back. Someone tells you you’re no good, that you can’t do something, you prove them wrong. How, then? How is this so different from anything else that’s confronted you?”
“Because it’s Nemu! How many years did I spend trying to help her- 100? 120? All that time I tried to be her friend, I tried to give her some sort of courage, some sort of confidence and she blows me off! She doesn’t want my help! She doesn’t want my friendship! She doesn’t want anything to do with me! What the hell am I supposed to do? Ignore that? Do you want me to fucking harass her? Will THAT make you feel better??”
Hozukimaru bared his teeth in full. “So is that it, then? You’ve lost your strength? Your entire purpose in life? Is there no other reason for you to fight? Why was strength so important to you before you met her? Why was it so important for you to protect her?”
“It’s over, alright!?”
His expression snapped blankly. “…What was that?”
“It’s over.” Pressing his forehead against his knees, Ikkaku repeated quietly, “It’s over.”
“Over… It’s over.” The world started growing dark around them. “You dare to come to me and say that ‘it’s over’?” Something wet hit the underside of Ikkaku’s jaw, ran up the length of his cheek and fell off. “After all this time, fighting against everyone that’s never believed in you, fighting everyone that’s said you’d never amount to anything. All that time and the only thing to show for it is proving that they were right.” Hozukimaru’s voice grew more guttural and sharp, like a bear trap, rusted but still capable of snapping bones in two.
More drops were hitting him and Ikkaku looked down. Water droplets were rising from the faded distance below them, streaking above him and rippling the sky. Above his head, lightning arched around the bamboo poles and he heard a dim rumble somewhere below.
“All the time I put into YOU, all the time I helped YOU better YOURSELF and you have the audacity to tell ME that it’s over! You think your world has ended because of something as mundane, something as SIMPLE as one inconsequential female? I wasted MY time on YOU?”
“Hey, what the fuck is your problem!?” Ikkaku surged to his feet. “You think I’ll just let you talk about Nemu like that?”
“Why do you care? She’s the one that threw you away. She’s the one that wasted your life.” Hozukimaru turned his back on the shinigami, his expression dark but his eyes burning brightly.
“Because I just do!” The thunder rumbled closer and the occasional lighting would crackle so high there were flashes of light below them. “She wants nothing to do with me, but I still care about her! I can’t help it! I did everything I could for her and she chose someone else and I’m not allowed to feel anything because of it?? I can’t be depressed, I can’t be hurt, I can’t be left the fuck alone?” Ikkaku heaved, yelling over the sound of rain splattering against them and the oppression of the sky.
“There is a difference,” Hozukimaru’s voice was low, but carried as if he spoke directly in Ikkaku’s brain, “between grieving and being pitiful. The moment you lost the will to fight, the moment you lost purpose in your life, the moment you strayed from your goals, that is the moment you’ve stopped being you. And no amount of grieving can justify that. I will not be party to someone who has become willfully lost. I will not be partners with someone that refuses help.” And suddenly Hozukimaru’s pressure grew and he engulfed the world- the rain, the thunder, the distance. “GET. OUT.”
When Ikkaku opened his eyes, Yumichika was the first thing he saw. “Wha-!”
“Hey, hey!” Hands were on his shoulders. “Are you okay? You were really out of it.”
“What…?” He looked around. He was still in the hall, still by the window, but he sat on the floor, propped up on the wall. His uniform was no longer drenched, but he could still feel the cold of the rain slashing into him.
“You look like worse than usual. Have you even been sleeping?”
“I just…” he put a hand to his head. “…It’s nothin’. Sorry.”
Yumichika frowned. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“Nah.” Ikkaku stood up, bracing a hand against the wall over a sudden onslaught of dizziness. “I’m okay.”
But a hand grabbed at his sleeve and Yumichika stood in his way. “I’m you’re friend, aren’t I? You trust me, don’t you? Tell me what’s wrong- let me help. Please!”
Gently he pulled the hand off. “It’s nothin’, Yumi.”
“Ikkaku-“
“You can’t do anything, so just…” He shook his head and sidestepped the other shinigami, “just let it alone.”
Frustrated at the exchange, Yumichika spent an hour searching for Renji, pulled him aside and said, “We need to use the last, last resort.”
~*~*~*~
“This looks like a good enough spot.”
“Renji,” Ikkaku scuffed at the dirt, “what are we doing here?”
The red head rolled his shoulders and stretched out his back. “A fight.”
“Fight?”
“That’s right.” He drew Zabimaru. “Zaraki-taichou won’t let me apply for a vice-captain position unless I beat you. Without getting’ into a brawl. So? You gonna draw your sword?”
Ikkaku sighed. “Look, I don’t feel like-“
Gut reaction was the only thing that saved him from the head strike. Ikkaku backpedaled, stumbling to keep his balance.
“Come on.” Renji stated darkly. “Draw your sword and fight.”
“Renji-“ another strike came at his side and he half drew Hozukimaru to block it. “Hey!”
“I ain’t playin’ here!” The other roared. “Draw and fight!”
Ikkaku blocked a strike by his shoulder, their blades singing loudly in his ears. Renji pushed forward with a series of quick attacks, all blocked or dodged. Except they were sluggish and slow and when Renji twisted his wrist around, Ikkaku had to drop his guard to push the edge from him. Without pausing the attack, he gripped Zabimaru’s hilt in both hands, smashing Hozukimaru aside and coming back across, scoring a slash over Ikkaku’s wrist.
Hissing, the 3rd seat jumped back. A hand automatically fell to the cap of the hilt, but he stopped, the muscles in his jaw clenching. Renji narrowed his eyes and charged in again.
“ENOUGH! Enough feeling sorry for yourself! Enough thinking you’re not good enough! Enough of this damned pity party!” Each slam jostled Ikkaku to the shoulders, desperately trying to block the attacks. “You’re better than that! You’re stronger than that! Stop thinkin’ things no longer matter and actually THINK for fuckin’ once!”
The last blow sent Ikkaku skidding across the grounds. His hands trembled under Renji’s snarl. “This ain’t like you. You’re not this weak! Yumi and me’re worried sick over you and you don’t care! Everything you’ve worked so hard for is goin’ down the drain and you don’t fuckin’ care!” Renji pulled his sword back and placed a hand on the blade. “Seein’ that helpless face on someone I respect fuckin’ disgusts me. HOWL! ZABIMARU!”
Jaw clenched, Ikkaku drew his sheath from his belt. “GROW! HOZU-“ He cut himself off, shocked.
And Zabimaru struck him square in the chest.
“Oh fuck.” Renji paled, snapping Zabimaru back into his contained form. The dust and loose underbrush settled slowly and braced against a splintered tree as Ikkaku gasped and coughed.
“Shit, shit, shit.” He sprinted to the other’s side. “Are you okay? I thought you finally came to your senses- what happened? Why’d you stop?”
“Ho-Hozukimaru.” Ikkaku rasped, pointing to where his Zanpakutou had leapt from his hands. The sword stuck upright in the ground and the sheath lay passively next to it. “Hozukimaru really did reject me as his partner.”
Renji blinked. “Reject? You mean…?”
“He gave up on me.” Ikkaku lay his head back, an ironic, bitter grin twisting his lips. “Of all the people to give up on me, the first would be my own sword. I should just quit. What good’s a shinigami that can’t use shikai?”
With a heavy sigh, Renji sat down beside the other man. “You know,” he said at length, “I meant it when I said I respect you. I mean, we came from similar backgrounds. A couple of alley-brats that everyone said would amount to nothing. Except that we really are somethin’, aren’t we? Ranking among some of the strongest in the Gotei-13, and no one ever believed in us. Doesn’t that give you some kinda pride thinkin’ about that?”
Ikkaku flicked at some wayward grass. “…yeah.”
“Another reason why I respect you is ‘cause your goal is kinda similar to mine. I didn’t have an actual family growin’ up. Just me and four other kids. I helped bury three of them on a hill in the Rukongai. Me an’ the last one, we decided to join the academy, we wanted to stop worryin’ about how we were gonna eat, how we were gonna live everyday. Except…” the sudden change in Renji’s tone drew Ikkaku’s attention. “During the academy, she got adopted into a family. One of the four noble families. And suddenly… all the years spent together, all the hardships and all the fun and everything all disappeared. Suddenly I can’t mean anything to her and she can’t even acknowledge me anymore.
“That was when I decided I had to get even stronger. Her brother’s the captain of the 6th division. I’m gonna become his vice-captain, I’m gonna learn all his skills, how he moves, how he fights.” Renji clenched his fists. “And I’m gonna beat him. I’ll make him recognize me and my strength. And once I’ve surpassed him, once he acknowledges me, there’s no reason for her not to. There’s nothin’ stoppin’ me from taking back the person I hold most important.”
He turned to Ikkaku expectantly. “That’s like your goal, right? You want to beat Zaraki-taichou. You’ll become the strongest and Kurotsuchi won’t be able to do anything to you.”
“Yeah,” he admitted lamely, “it was. Except… Nemu doesn’t want me to. She doesn’t want anythin’ to do with me now.”
“Did she say that?”
“What?”
“Did she say that?” Renji repeated patiently. “Did she say she wants nothing to do with you? Did she say she doesn’t want you anywhere near her with her entire being?”
“It’s the same thing.”
“No, it isn’t. I grew up with a backwards-talkin’ girl. I know the difference between what they say and what they mean. Like, I’ll bet,” Renji leaned back, “that she says she doesn’t want you involved, but what she means is she doesn’t want to risk you getting’ hurt because of her again. She thinks that the only way she can protect you is by distancin’ you.
“That’s why you have to get strong, ain’t it? Because even if they say things like that, even though they think like that, what the hell do girls know?” Renji sneered into the air. “They think they know what’s best for us, they think their way will keep us safe even though it doesn’t do anyone any good. What do they know? Girls are content to makin’ themselves martyrs. They’re happy with bein’ miserable ‘cause they think it’s romantic to sacrifice their happiness like that. They don’t think about what we want, or that things can change.” He gave Ikkaku’s shoulder a light punch. “That’s why we gotta be strong, right? To show them they ain’t gotta be miserable and alone. We gotta be strong and show them they gotta get over themselves.”
For a long moment there was silence.
“What the fuck is wrong with me?” Ikkaku suddenly burst out angrily. “The fuck am I doin’ sittin’ around like some teary-eyed chick?” He shoved himself to his feet and crossed the ground in long strides. “The hell am I feelin’ sorry for? The hell am I thinkin’ that maybe I really WON’T amount to anything’ just ‘cause everyone else says so?” He yanked his sword from the ground, sliding it back into the sheath. “I walk my own damned path. Everyone else can fuckin’ blow themselves ‘cause I ain’t stoppin’ for no one.”
He slung Hozukimaru across his shoulders and turned back to Renji. “Well? Let’s go. Captain’s probably pissed that we’ve been gone this long.”
With a wide grin, Renji fell in step beside him. “‘Bout friggin’ time.”
~*~*~*~
“You wanted to see me, Captain?”
“Yeah, yeah. Get in.”
He sprawled comfortably in front of the captain’s desk. The captain didn’t care much for appearance, especially with his higher-ranking officers.
“So did ya beat some sense into him?”
“Yup.” He grinned wickedly. “He’s out chewin’ out some guys ‘cause we got a report about some of our boy’s harassin’ civilians durin’ a patrol.”
“Yeah? Hn. For a moment I thought I was only imaginin’ all that shoutin’.” He shuffled through some papers. “All right, deal’s a deal. You said ya wanted to try for 6th division, right?”
His grin widened even further. “Yes, Captain.”
~*~*~*~
It was well past midnight, but Ikkaku couldn’t bring himself to sleep. Not when there was still this to deal with. Hozukimaru lay on the ground in front of him and he knelt, hands on his thighs and cleared his throat.
“I’m an idiot.” He said plainly. “I realize this and I’m sorry. I’m an idiot and I’m stupid and I don’t know a good thing when it’s been there by me all the time. I’m sorry that I’m weak and I’m sorry that it took me so long to get over myself. There’s still reasons for me to keep fighting and to keep getting stronger. But I need your guidance. I can’t do this alone,” he snorted to himself, “we’ve already seen what happens when I do stuff on my own. I need your help, I need your advice.”
He bowed, touching his forehead to the ground. “I’m sorry. I can’t change what’s already happened and I can’t say that it won’t happen again but I can swear to you that I will gain the strength to keep from losing my way again! I know my goal now, I can see my path. I will no longer stray and I won’t let anything stop me from reaching my goal. Please forgive me, I can’t get stronger than I already am without you to guide me!”
“Maa, I must say that’s the most eloquent I’ve ever heard you. Not even cursing. I am impressed.”
Ikkaku jerked his head up, surprised. Hozukimaru sat cross-legged in front of him, elbow against a knee as he puffed the ever-present pipe.
“You-You’re…” Ikkaku looked around quickly.
“Hm?”
“You can come into this world?”
Hozukimaru looked somewhat insulted. “You can come into mine but I can’t come into yours? How rude.”
“Ah, no, I didn’t mean that. Er, I mean, I didn’t know you COULD.”
The demon laughed around the pipe. “There’s still so much you don’t yet know, Ikkaku. But you’re learning.” He smiled at the shinigami almost fondly. “You’ll make it in your own time, I’m certain of that.”
And when Ikkaku gave him his usual grin, Hozukimaru knew he wouldn’t settle for anything less than greatness.
~*~*~*~
Mayuri was leaving the 4th division, Nemu behind him. Hooked to her belt was a small bag that held the cellular-regrowth formula that he had tried to convince Unohana-taichou was the next step in healing. To stimulate the cells to recreate lost limbs would ensure the continued service of countless shinigami out in the field. But she refused to deal with it, claiming that there wasn’t enough testing and it was still too dangerous a substance to deal with.
Fool. He snorted angrily to himself. None of them understood the progress he was throwing in their faces.
“Ah, Kurotsuchi-taichou! I was told I’d find you here.”
Annoyed, the captain turned to find the red-headed shinigami from the 11th division approaching them. He bowed to the captain and vice-captain. “I’m sorry to bother you unannounced like this, Kurotsuchi-taichou. I’m Abarai Renji, I’m selected to replace the current 6th division vice-captain and Kuchiki-taichou suggested that I make myself familiar to the other captains beforehand.”
Mayuri narrowed his eyes at him. For an 11th division thug, this one actually had some sort of manners. Typical, that Kuchiki brat wouldn’t let some uncouth barbarian become his vice-captain. At least he had that much sense.
“Yes?” Mayuri snapped. “What do you want?”
“I’d like to know the sort of relationship our two divisions have. That way I can anticipate any sort of help we may need from you.”
Mayury curled his lips, but obliged in Abarai’s curiosity. Nemu, however, didn’t get a chance to hear the reply as someone grabbed her wrist and dragged her back within the 4th division’s gates.
“Oi, you.” One of the 4th division members that was sweeping the floor jumped slightly. “Stay by the gate. Tell me if Kurotsuchi-taichou comes around, got it?”
“Uh, y-yes!”
Tugged several meters further into the division, they finally came to a stop.
“Well.” Ikkaku turned and flashed Nemu a smile. “How you doin’?”
Her brow creased. “I thought… Didn’t you-“
Ikkaku waved it off. “I was stupid, that’s all. I finally came to my senses though.”
“But you said you wouldn’t bother with me anymore.”
“And I said I got over being stupid.” Ikkaku’s grin fell. “Did you really think I'd leave you to face that guy alone? I’m not gonna stop tryin’ to get you to see there’s something better than HIM.”
“Ikkaku, please. Leave me alone. If you keep trying to get near me, you’ll only get hurt.”
“Do you think I’m afraid of gettin’ hurt?” He huffed. “I spend most my day fightin’, gettin’ hurt means nothin’ to me.”
“But /I/ care if you get hurt!” She blurted out. “I don’t want to see you hurt because of me!”
Ikkaku gave her a little smile, relieved by that. “That’s why I’m going to get stronger. I’ll become the strongest shinigami alive. Kurotsuchi won’t be able to touch me, and I’ll protect you from him. I swear it.”
Her throat felt tight. “Why? Why are you doing this? Why won’t you listen to me? If you try to get involved with me you’ll only get hurt, you KNOW that. So why won’t you leave me alone?”
“’Cause I love you.”
Nemu’s eyes widened. “What?”
“I love you. At least, I’m pretty sure I do.” Ikkaku looked away, flush creeping across his face. “I dunno, I’ve never been in love before- I’ve done things for you I’ve never done for anyone, that I can’t imagine doin’ for anyone else. You’re always the first thing on my mind, I’m always worryin’ about how you’re doin’. You’re the only one I’ve ever lost myself over before. So even if I don’t know what love is, I’m pretty sure it’s what I feel for you.” And he gave her that look that dared her to argue with his logic.
“But… But Mayuri-sama said that nobody could ever love me.”
“Oh yeah? Well he said that I’ll always be a nobody. Guess that means he made you just for me then, huh?”
Nemu blinked up at him for a long second. And then started laughing. Ikkaku’s expression softened, not realizing how much he missed that sound.
Giggling still, she took that last step to him, hands clutching his haori, head against his chest. “I missed you.” She said softly.
“So did I.” A hand came up, warm against her shoulder. They stood there, enjoying the simple presence that they missed, how it felt to smile so freely, surprised that such a heavy weight was bearing down on their shoulders unnoticed and only something as simple as being near each other could lift it.
The mood was broken, however, when Ikkaku finally noticed the little 4th division sweeper waving frantically. “Crap.” Reluctantly he stepped away from Nemu. “I don’t think your dad’s gonna be happy with either of us, so I’m gonna bolt for now, okay?” Impulsively, his fingers wove around a loose lock of hair, brushing against Nemu’s cheek. “But I’ll see you again, I promise.”
In response, she put a hand against his chest and gave him a gentle push backward. But she smiled warmly at him. “I know you will.”
Hesitating only a moment longer, Ikkaku jumped the division’s wall and through it, Nemu could hear voices speaking.
“Geez, could ya cut it any closer?”
“Shut up! You were the one that was supposed to distract him!”
“I did! But talkin’ to that guy makes you wanna stab yourself in the head!”
Shaking her head, Nemu turned to the little shinigami as she felt Mayuri’s presence drawing nearer. “What’s your name?” She asked politely.
“Ya-Yamada Hanatarou.”
“Yamada-san,” she smiled brightly, “I’d appreciate it if you didn’t tell anyone else what happened.”
“N-No! Of course not!”
“Thank you.” She bowed to him and he hastily and clumsily returned it. She turned to corner and met Mayuri’s opening insult with, “I apologize, Mayuri-sama. A few of the 4th division members had questions about the cellular regrowth formula and we didn’t wish to disturb you while you spoke with Abarai-san.”
He scowled, but couldn’t find any immediate faults with her excuse. “Just hurry up, useless girl! We still have a lot of work to do today!”
“Yes, Mayuri-sama.” She fell into step behind him and hoped her happiness wasn’t too apparent.
Fandom: Bleach
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 4835
Characters: Ikkaku, Nemu, Renji, Yumichika, Zaraki
Summary: Following Rundown, Top of the Caste, Smile for Me, Setting Stages, Daily Reprieve, Odds Against, One Step Beyond, Seating Arrangements, Distances Between, Time Misspent, Burnt Bridges, Ties that Break, Impulse, Limit Break Pt.1 and Limit Break Pt.2.An experiment, if you will. A kick in the ass.
“Gimme a break! Is that the best you guys got? Hey! Yeah, I see you slackin’ back there! Congratulations, you just won 20 more reps for everyone!” The crowd groaned and Renji snarled at them. “WHAT WAS THAT? THANK YOU, 4th SEAT ABARAI-SAN, WE’RE GLAD YOU’RE TAKING TIME OUT TO TRAIN WITH US?”
They stifled their groans this time. “Thank you, 4th seat Abarai-san, for training with us!”
“Maa. I suppose it’s a lively bunch, today.”
Renji turned to find Yumichika approaching, a couple papers in his hand. “Meh.” He sneered at the group again. “You let them take one break, they think they can just half-ass the rest of the day.” He put his hands in his belt. “So? How’s he doin’?”
Yumichika sighed. “I haven’t checked on him this morning.”
“Yumi…”
“Well, it’s not like he’s just going to change over night!” He shot back. “He’s been like this for three days, now. I’ve never seen him like this, I’m…” Yumichika shuffled a foot. “Well, I’m a little worried.”
Renji scratched at his nose, looking over the exercising 11th division members without actually seeing them. “…Yeah. I am, too.”
“Renji, what’re we going to do?”
“We keep at him, I guess. There’s nothing else we can do. I REALLY don’t want to have to deal with our last resort.”
The 5th seat grimaced at the thought. “Right.” He pulled lightly at his neckpiece. “I’ll finish these reports and then I’ll try talking to him again.”
“Thanks, Yumi.”
~*~*~*~
“Ikkaku~!”
“Go away, Yumi.”
“Don’t be like that. Look! I even brought you breakfast!”
“Not hungry.”
Yumichika took in the lump on the bedroll with a frown. In the past three days, the only thing anyone’d seen of the 3rd seat was sealed up in a blanket- and that sight was only reserved for Yumichika and Renji.
“Ikkaku, really.” He chided. “This is getting old, don’t you think? Seeing you mope about the first day was a little amusing, yes. The second day, well that’s understandable to an extent. Yesterday, still understandable but starting to wear thin. Today, though? Now it’s just getting ridiculous.”
“Hmph.”
“We can only cover for you so much, you know.” His voice was a little sharper. “Everyone’s starting to ask where you are and even the captain’s starting to get pissy about it.”
“Tell ‘em I’m on sick leave.”
He scowled at the lump. “You’re only on sick leave if you’re sick. And Unohana-taichou has to sign you off for it.”
“Then I’m on regular leave! Just leave me alone, already!”
Yumichika put a hand to his head. “I really don’t want to get the captain involved in this, Ikkaku. But if you’re going to keep being so stubborn, I will.”
“Fuck off!”
There was a sigh followed by the sound of someone leaving. It wasn’t much later- or maybe it was, he wasn’t paying attention –when someone else came by the room. And, because you couldn’t mistake that uncontrolled spirit leak anywhere, Ikkaku burrowed further under the blanket with a grimace.
“Yo.” Zaraki growled into the room. “So this is where you’ve been hidin’.”
Which made Ikkaku wonder where Renji and Yumi has said he'd been the past few days. Ah, crap. That probably meant they thought he owed them.
“Get up.”
“Captain,” came the muffled reply, “I’m really not-“
There was a hand on the back of his head and it drew him back. And then slammed him face first into the floor.
“Gah- FUMPH!” He curled up, gripping his nose in agony. “MMPH!”
“Get up.” Suddenly Ikkaku was being lifted up by the back of the collar and dangled several inches off the ground. “Do ya think I’m playin’ here? Get the fuck up!” He was dumped unceremoniously on his ass.
“The hell’s wrong with you?” Zaraki snarled.
“Don’t wanna talk about it.” Came the reply, mumbled through fingers and a grimace.
“I don’t care what happened. I wanna know why you’re bein’ such a little bitch ‘bout it.”
Warily, Ikkaku got to his feet. “It’s nothin’, really Captain. I just need to-“
“My ass! You’ve had half a week to work this shit out but you’ve just been in here sulkin’!” Snarling, Zaraki shoved his face toward Ikkaku. “Why the hell do you think you’re my third seat? Why the hell do you think I’m allowin’ you to go on with yer goal ta kill me and take my place? I ain’t in the habit of puttin’ faith inta people, but I sure as hell didn’t think you’d just roll over dead ‘cuz one thing didn’t go your way. You wanna be the strongest? So do a lot of other people. That means you ain’t got time to backtrack, got it?”
Ikkaku nodded grimly. “Yes, sir. I apologize.”
“Good.” Zaraki leaned back, his eye narrowed and obviously not trusting the response. “You better shape up or I’m gonna have ta get rough on ya.”
“Yes, Captain.”
~*~*~*~
The chow hall was unnaturally hushed that day. It didn’t take long to discern the source of the division’s unease. Not with the way they whispered and glanced about.
Renji snarled at them and even though they eeped and studiously didn’t look around, he knew it would just start up again in another minute. He plopped down next to Ikkaku, who seemed interested in only pushing his food around and ignoring Yumichika as he chattered on his other side.
“Hey, that’s a surprise!” Renji said loudly. “You’re actually wearing your sword at your hip for once!” Ikkaku gave a little shrug and proceeded to ignore Renji as well. The redhead looked at Yumichika and the other man just rolled his eyes. “Man, ya know you’re bein’ pretty pitiful right now, right? I mean, come on!”
“Already tried that.”
“Eh?”
Yumichika sighed. “Tried reasoning, tried provoking, even tried the vice-captain, but she eventually got bored and left.”
Renji ran a hand over his face. “Great. What the hell are we supposed to do, then?”
There was a brief pause. “There’s always the last, last resort.”
~*~*~*~
It was empty in the halls. Rightly so, as most division members were out on patrol or sweeping alleys or resting up from a long night of guard duty. Finding that most of his reports were already completed, Ikkaku leaned against a wall in the hallway, watching sightlessly out the window.
A voice rumbled deeply in his ear. “Ikkaku.”
He turned. And almost fell off a pole. “WAH! Geez!” He pin wheeled his arms, gaining some semblance of balance. “WARN me when you’re going to do that!”
Hozukimaru merely gazed back, heavy brows folded over his yellow eyes, floppy lips turned down severely. Ikkaku shivered at the expression.
“What?” He asked the demon.
“What,” came the displeased reply, “are you doing?”
“…Doing? What do you mean?”
“All you’re doing is feeling sorry for yourself. Are you so weak that you can’t survive one set back?” Teeth ground around his pipe. “Are you that feeble minded? I chose to be your partner because I believed you had great potential in you. You had such promise, you reached levels others thought you incapable of. And yet instead of doing what you’re capable of, you’re prepared to let the world walk over you.”
“It’s not that simple.” Ikkaku crouched down, rubbing his head tiredly.
“How is it not simple? You meet a challenge, you overcome it. Some thing gives you a fight, you fight back. Someone tells you you’re no good, that you can’t do something, you prove them wrong. How, then? How is this so different from anything else that’s confronted you?”
“Because it’s Nemu! How many years did I spend trying to help her- 100? 120? All that time I tried to be her friend, I tried to give her some sort of courage, some sort of confidence and she blows me off! She doesn’t want my help! She doesn’t want my friendship! She doesn’t want anything to do with me! What the hell am I supposed to do? Ignore that? Do you want me to fucking harass her? Will THAT make you feel better??”
Hozukimaru bared his teeth in full. “So is that it, then? You’ve lost your strength? Your entire purpose in life? Is there no other reason for you to fight? Why was strength so important to you before you met her? Why was it so important for you to protect her?”
“It’s over, alright!?”
His expression snapped blankly. “…What was that?”
“It’s over.” Pressing his forehead against his knees, Ikkaku repeated quietly, “It’s over.”
“Over… It’s over.” The world started growing dark around them. “You dare to come to me and say that ‘it’s over’?” Something wet hit the underside of Ikkaku’s jaw, ran up the length of his cheek and fell off. “After all this time, fighting against everyone that’s never believed in you, fighting everyone that’s said you’d never amount to anything. All that time and the only thing to show for it is proving that they were right.” Hozukimaru’s voice grew more guttural and sharp, like a bear trap, rusted but still capable of snapping bones in two.
More drops were hitting him and Ikkaku looked down. Water droplets were rising from the faded distance below them, streaking above him and rippling the sky. Above his head, lightning arched around the bamboo poles and he heard a dim rumble somewhere below.
“All the time I put into YOU, all the time I helped YOU better YOURSELF and you have the audacity to tell ME that it’s over! You think your world has ended because of something as mundane, something as SIMPLE as one inconsequential female? I wasted MY time on YOU?”
“Hey, what the fuck is your problem!?” Ikkaku surged to his feet. “You think I’ll just let you talk about Nemu like that?”
“Why do you care? She’s the one that threw you away. She’s the one that wasted your life.” Hozukimaru turned his back on the shinigami, his expression dark but his eyes burning brightly.
“Because I just do!” The thunder rumbled closer and the occasional lighting would crackle so high there were flashes of light below them. “She wants nothing to do with me, but I still care about her! I can’t help it! I did everything I could for her and she chose someone else and I’m not allowed to feel anything because of it?? I can’t be depressed, I can’t be hurt, I can’t be left the fuck alone?” Ikkaku heaved, yelling over the sound of rain splattering against them and the oppression of the sky.
“There is a difference,” Hozukimaru’s voice was low, but carried as if he spoke directly in Ikkaku’s brain, “between grieving and being pitiful. The moment you lost the will to fight, the moment you lost purpose in your life, the moment you strayed from your goals, that is the moment you’ve stopped being you. And no amount of grieving can justify that. I will not be party to someone who has become willfully lost. I will not be partners with someone that refuses help.” And suddenly Hozukimaru’s pressure grew and he engulfed the world- the rain, the thunder, the distance. “GET. OUT.”
When Ikkaku opened his eyes, Yumichika was the first thing he saw. “Wha-!”
“Hey, hey!” Hands were on his shoulders. “Are you okay? You were really out of it.”
“What…?” He looked around. He was still in the hall, still by the window, but he sat on the floor, propped up on the wall. His uniform was no longer drenched, but he could still feel the cold of the rain slashing into him.
“You look like worse than usual. Have you even been sleeping?”
“I just…” he put a hand to his head. “…It’s nothin’. Sorry.”
Yumichika frowned. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“Nah.” Ikkaku stood up, bracing a hand against the wall over a sudden onslaught of dizziness. “I’m okay.”
But a hand grabbed at his sleeve and Yumichika stood in his way. “I’m you’re friend, aren’t I? You trust me, don’t you? Tell me what’s wrong- let me help. Please!”
Gently he pulled the hand off. “It’s nothin’, Yumi.”
“Ikkaku-“
“You can’t do anything, so just…” He shook his head and sidestepped the other shinigami, “just let it alone.”
Frustrated at the exchange, Yumichika spent an hour searching for Renji, pulled him aside and said, “We need to use the last, last resort.”
~*~*~*~
“This looks like a good enough spot.”
“Renji,” Ikkaku scuffed at the dirt, “what are we doing here?”
The red head rolled his shoulders and stretched out his back. “A fight.”
“Fight?”
“That’s right.” He drew Zabimaru. “Zaraki-taichou won’t let me apply for a vice-captain position unless I beat you. Without getting’ into a brawl. So? You gonna draw your sword?”
Ikkaku sighed. “Look, I don’t feel like-“
Gut reaction was the only thing that saved him from the head strike. Ikkaku backpedaled, stumbling to keep his balance.
“Come on.” Renji stated darkly. “Draw your sword and fight.”
“Renji-“ another strike came at his side and he half drew Hozukimaru to block it. “Hey!”
“I ain’t playin’ here!” The other roared. “Draw and fight!”
Ikkaku blocked a strike by his shoulder, their blades singing loudly in his ears. Renji pushed forward with a series of quick attacks, all blocked or dodged. Except they were sluggish and slow and when Renji twisted his wrist around, Ikkaku had to drop his guard to push the edge from him. Without pausing the attack, he gripped Zabimaru’s hilt in both hands, smashing Hozukimaru aside and coming back across, scoring a slash over Ikkaku’s wrist.
Hissing, the 3rd seat jumped back. A hand automatically fell to the cap of the hilt, but he stopped, the muscles in his jaw clenching. Renji narrowed his eyes and charged in again.
“ENOUGH! Enough feeling sorry for yourself! Enough thinking you’re not good enough! Enough of this damned pity party!” Each slam jostled Ikkaku to the shoulders, desperately trying to block the attacks. “You’re better than that! You’re stronger than that! Stop thinkin’ things no longer matter and actually THINK for fuckin’ once!”
The last blow sent Ikkaku skidding across the grounds. His hands trembled under Renji’s snarl. “This ain’t like you. You’re not this weak! Yumi and me’re worried sick over you and you don’t care! Everything you’ve worked so hard for is goin’ down the drain and you don’t fuckin’ care!” Renji pulled his sword back and placed a hand on the blade. “Seein’ that helpless face on someone I respect fuckin’ disgusts me. HOWL! ZABIMARU!”
Jaw clenched, Ikkaku drew his sheath from his belt. “GROW! HOZU-“ He cut himself off, shocked.
And Zabimaru struck him square in the chest.
“Oh fuck.” Renji paled, snapping Zabimaru back into his contained form. The dust and loose underbrush settled slowly and braced against a splintered tree as Ikkaku gasped and coughed.
“Shit, shit, shit.” He sprinted to the other’s side. “Are you okay? I thought you finally came to your senses- what happened? Why’d you stop?”
“Ho-Hozukimaru.” Ikkaku rasped, pointing to where his Zanpakutou had leapt from his hands. The sword stuck upright in the ground and the sheath lay passively next to it. “Hozukimaru really did reject me as his partner.”
Renji blinked. “Reject? You mean…?”
“He gave up on me.” Ikkaku lay his head back, an ironic, bitter grin twisting his lips. “Of all the people to give up on me, the first would be my own sword. I should just quit. What good’s a shinigami that can’t use shikai?”
With a heavy sigh, Renji sat down beside the other man. “You know,” he said at length, “I meant it when I said I respect you. I mean, we came from similar backgrounds. A couple of alley-brats that everyone said would amount to nothing. Except that we really are somethin’, aren’t we? Ranking among some of the strongest in the Gotei-13, and no one ever believed in us. Doesn’t that give you some kinda pride thinkin’ about that?”
Ikkaku flicked at some wayward grass. “…yeah.”
“Another reason why I respect you is ‘cause your goal is kinda similar to mine. I didn’t have an actual family growin’ up. Just me and four other kids. I helped bury three of them on a hill in the Rukongai. Me an’ the last one, we decided to join the academy, we wanted to stop worryin’ about how we were gonna eat, how we were gonna live everyday. Except…” the sudden change in Renji’s tone drew Ikkaku’s attention. “During the academy, she got adopted into a family. One of the four noble families. And suddenly… all the years spent together, all the hardships and all the fun and everything all disappeared. Suddenly I can’t mean anything to her and she can’t even acknowledge me anymore.
“That was when I decided I had to get even stronger. Her brother’s the captain of the 6th division. I’m gonna become his vice-captain, I’m gonna learn all his skills, how he moves, how he fights.” Renji clenched his fists. “And I’m gonna beat him. I’ll make him recognize me and my strength. And once I’ve surpassed him, once he acknowledges me, there’s no reason for her not to. There’s nothin’ stoppin’ me from taking back the person I hold most important.”
He turned to Ikkaku expectantly. “That’s like your goal, right? You want to beat Zaraki-taichou. You’ll become the strongest and Kurotsuchi won’t be able to do anything to you.”
“Yeah,” he admitted lamely, “it was. Except… Nemu doesn’t want me to. She doesn’t want anythin’ to do with me now.”
“Did she say that?”
“What?”
“Did she say that?” Renji repeated patiently. “Did she say she wants nothing to do with you? Did she say she doesn’t want you anywhere near her with her entire being?”
“It’s the same thing.”
“No, it isn’t. I grew up with a backwards-talkin’ girl. I know the difference between what they say and what they mean. Like, I’ll bet,” Renji leaned back, “that she says she doesn’t want you involved, but what she means is she doesn’t want to risk you getting’ hurt because of her again. She thinks that the only way she can protect you is by distancin’ you.
“That’s why you have to get strong, ain’t it? Because even if they say things like that, even though they think like that, what the hell do girls know?” Renji sneered into the air. “They think they know what’s best for us, they think their way will keep us safe even though it doesn’t do anyone any good. What do they know? Girls are content to makin’ themselves martyrs. They’re happy with bein’ miserable ‘cause they think it’s romantic to sacrifice their happiness like that. They don’t think about what we want, or that things can change.” He gave Ikkaku’s shoulder a light punch. “That’s why we gotta be strong, right? To show them they ain’t gotta be miserable and alone. We gotta be strong and show them they gotta get over themselves.”
For a long moment there was silence.
“What the fuck is wrong with me?” Ikkaku suddenly burst out angrily. “The fuck am I doin’ sittin’ around like some teary-eyed chick?” He shoved himself to his feet and crossed the ground in long strides. “The hell am I feelin’ sorry for? The hell am I thinkin’ that maybe I really WON’T amount to anything’ just ‘cause everyone else says so?” He yanked his sword from the ground, sliding it back into the sheath. “I walk my own damned path. Everyone else can fuckin’ blow themselves ‘cause I ain’t stoppin’ for no one.”
He slung Hozukimaru across his shoulders and turned back to Renji. “Well? Let’s go. Captain’s probably pissed that we’ve been gone this long.”
With a wide grin, Renji fell in step beside him. “‘Bout friggin’ time.”
~*~*~*~
“You wanted to see me, Captain?”
“Yeah, yeah. Get in.”
He sprawled comfortably in front of the captain’s desk. The captain didn’t care much for appearance, especially with his higher-ranking officers.
“So did ya beat some sense into him?”
“Yup.” He grinned wickedly. “He’s out chewin’ out some guys ‘cause we got a report about some of our boy’s harassin’ civilians durin’ a patrol.”
“Yeah? Hn. For a moment I thought I was only imaginin’ all that shoutin’.” He shuffled through some papers. “All right, deal’s a deal. You said ya wanted to try for 6th division, right?”
His grin widened even further. “Yes, Captain.”
~*~*~*~
It was well past midnight, but Ikkaku couldn’t bring himself to sleep. Not when there was still this to deal with. Hozukimaru lay on the ground in front of him and he knelt, hands on his thighs and cleared his throat.
“I’m an idiot.” He said plainly. “I realize this and I’m sorry. I’m an idiot and I’m stupid and I don’t know a good thing when it’s been there by me all the time. I’m sorry that I’m weak and I’m sorry that it took me so long to get over myself. There’s still reasons for me to keep fighting and to keep getting stronger. But I need your guidance. I can’t do this alone,” he snorted to himself, “we’ve already seen what happens when I do stuff on my own. I need your help, I need your advice.”
He bowed, touching his forehead to the ground. “I’m sorry. I can’t change what’s already happened and I can’t say that it won’t happen again but I can swear to you that I will gain the strength to keep from losing my way again! I know my goal now, I can see my path. I will no longer stray and I won’t let anything stop me from reaching my goal. Please forgive me, I can’t get stronger than I already am without you to guide me!”
“Maa, I must say that’s the most eloquent I’ve ever heard you. Not even cursing. I am impressed.”
Ikkaku jerked his head up, surprised. Hozukimaru sat cross-legged in front of him, elbow against a knee as he puffed the ever-present pipe.
“You-You’re…” Ikkaku looked around quickly.
“Hm?”
“You can come into this world?”
Hozukimaru looked somewhat insulted. “You can come into mine but I can’t come into yours? How rude.”
“Ah, no, I didn’t mean that. Er, I mean, I didn’t know you COULD.”
The demon laughed around the pipe. “There’s still so much you don’t yet know, Ikkaku. But you’re learning.” He smiled at the shinigami almost fondly. “You’ll make it in your own time, I’m certain of that.”
And when Ikkaku gave him his usual grin, Hozukimaru knew he wouldn’t settle for anything less than greatness.
~*~*~*~
Mayuri was leaving the 4th division, Nemu behind him. Hooked to her belt was a small bag that held the cellular-regrowth formula that he had tried to convince Unohana-taichou was the next step in healing. To stimulate the cells to recreate lost limbs would ensure the continued service of countless shinigami out in the field. But she refused to deal with it, claiming that there wasn’t enough testing and it was still too dangerous a substance to deal with.
Fool. He snorted angrily to himself. None of them understood the progress he was throwing in their faces.
“Ah, Kurotsuchi-taichou! I was told I’d find you here.”
Annoyed, the captain turned to find the red-headed shinigami from the 11th division approaching them. He bowed to the captain and vice-captain. “I’m sorry to bother you unannounced like this, Kurotsuchi-taichou. I’m Abarai Renji, I’m selected to replace the current 6th division vice-captain and Kuchiki-taichou suggested that I make myself familiar to the other captains beforehand.”
Mayuri narrowed his eyes at him. For an 11th division thug, this one actually had some sort of manners. Typical, that Kuchiki brat wouldn’t let some uncouth barbarian become his vice-captain. At least he had that much sense.
“Yes?” Mayuri snapped. “What do you want?”
“I’d like to know the sort of relationship our two divisions have. That way I can anticipate any sort of help we may need from you.”
Mayury curled his lips, but obliged in Abarai’s curiosity. Nemu, however, didn’t get a chance to hear the reply as someone grabbed her wrist and dragged her back within the 4th division’s gates.
“Oi, you.” One of the 4th division members that was sweeping the floor jumped slightly. “Stay by the gate. Tell me if Kurotsuchi-taichou comes around, got it?”
“Uh, y-yes!”
Tugged several meters further into the division, they finally came to a stop.
“Well.” Ikkaku turned and flashed Nemu a smile. “How you doin’?”
Her brow creased. “I thought… Didn’t you-“
Ikkaku waved it off. “I was stupid, that’s all. I finally came to my senses though.”
“But you said you wouldn’t bother with me anymore.”
“And I said I got over being stupid.” Ikkaku’s grin fell. “Did you really think I'd leave you to face that guy alone? I’m not gonna stop tryin’ to get you to see there’s something better than HIM.”
“Ikkaku, please. Leave me alone. If you keep trying to get near me, you’ll only get hurt.”
“Do you think I’m afraid of gettin’ hurt?” He huffed. “I spend most my day fightin’, gettin’ hurt means nothin’ to me.”
“But /I/ care if you get hurt!” She blurted out. “I don’t want to see you hurt because of me!”
Ikkaku gave her a little smile, relieved by that. “That’s why I’m going to get stronger. I’ll become the strongest shinigami alive. Kurotsuchi won’t be able to touch me, and I’ll protect you from him. I swear it.”
Her throat felt tight. “Why? Why are you doing this? Why won’t you listen to me? If you try to get involved with me you’ll only get hurt, you KNOW that. So why won’t you leave me alone?”
“’Cause I love you.”
Nemu’s eyes widened. “What?”
“I love you. At least, I’m pretty sure I do.” Ikkaku looked away, flush creeping across his face. “I dunno, I’ve never been in love before- I’ve done things for you I’ve never done for anyone, that I can’t imagine doin’ for anyone else. You’re always the first thing on my mind, I’m always worryin’ about how you’re doin’. You’re the only one I’ve ever lost myself over before. So even if I don’t know what love is, I’m pretty sure it’s what I feel for you.” And he gave her that look that dared her to argue with his logic.
“But… But Mayuri-sama said that nobody could ever love me.”
“Oh yeah? Well he said that I’ll always be a nobody. Guess that means he made you just for me then, huh?”
Nemu blinked up at him for a long second. And then started laughing. Ikkaku’s expression softened, not realizing how much he missed that sound.
Giggling still, she took that last step to him, hands clutching his haori, head against his chest. “I missed you.” She said softly.
“So did I.” A hand came up, warm against her shoulder. They stood there, enjoying the simple presence that they missed, how it felt to smile so freely, surprised that such a heavy weight was bearing down on their shoulders unnoticed and only something as simple as being near each other could lift it.
The mood was broken, however, when Ikkaku finally noticed the little 4th division sweeper waving frantically. “Crap.” Reluctantly he stepped away from Nemu. “I don’t think your dad’s gonna be happy with either of us, so I’m gonna bolt for now, okay?” Impulsively, his fingers wove around a loose lock of hair, brushing against Nemu’s cheek. “But I’ll see you again, I promise.”
In response, she put a hand against his chest and gave him a gentle push backward. But she smiled warmly at him. “I know you will.”
Hesitating only a moment longer, Ikkaku jumped the division’s wall and through it, Nemu could hear voices speaking.
“Geez, could ya cut it any closer?”
“Shut up! You were the one that was supposed to distract him!”
“I did! But talkin’ to that guy makes you wanna stab yourself in the head!”
Shaking her head, Nemu turned to the little shinigami as she felt Mayuri’s presence drawing nearer. “What’s your name?” She asked politely.
“Ya-Yamada Hanatarou.”
“Yamada-san,” she smiled brightly, “I’d appreciate it if you didn’t tell anyone else what happened.”
“N-No! Of course not!”
“Thank you.” She bowed to him and he hastily and clumsily returned it. She turned to corner and met Mayuri’s opening insult with, “I apologize, Mayuri-sama. A few of the 4th division members had questions about the cellular regrowth formula and we didn’t wish to disturb you while you spoke with Abarai-san.”
He scowled, but couldn’t find any immediate faults with her excuse. “Just hurry up, useless girl! We still have a lot of work to do today!”
“Yes, Mayuri-sama.” She fell into step behind him and hoped her happiness wasn’t too apparent.
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Date: 2005-10-25 05:22 pm (UTC)This, by the way, nearly killed me as I was eating cereal at the time:
"Hozukimaru looked somewhat insulted. “You can come into mine but I can’t come into yours? How rude."
I almost died choking on my Honey Nut Cherrios. Hope you're happy. XP
Minor grammar stuff to end:
"In the past three days, the only thing anyone’s seen of the 3rd seat was sealed up in a blanket."
Should be "anyone'd," as in "anyone had," since the sentance is in past tense. "Anyone's" is the conjunction of "anyone has," which is present tense and blah blah blah [/ unneeded grammar lesson]
"...Ikkaku burrow further under the blanket with a grimace."
Should be "burrowed."
"Which made Ikkaku wonder what Renji and Yumi were telling him he’d been the past few days."
You should fix the wording on this. "Where" should be in there somewhere. You oculd make it, "what Renji and Yumi were telling him about where he'd been..." or to make the sentence even cleaner, "Which made Ikkaku wonder where Renji and Yumi has said he'd been the past few days." It's up to you, but as it reads now it's a little awkward.
"Why the hell do you think I’m allowin’ you to go on with you goal ta kill me and take my place?"
Okay, ignore this if it's part of the way you want Zaraki to be speaking (since we both know I suck at the whole slang thing^^) but it should be "you to go on with your goal." Friend of mine uses "yer" as slang, slurred "your" for guys that don't speak well if you wanna try that. But again, if that's what you were going for then by all means. ^^ I'm overenthusiastic today.
"Teeth grounded around his pipe."
Just "ground." This is already the past tense of "grind" so the "-ed" is unnecessary.
"The thunder rumbled closer and the occasional lighting would crackle so high there was flashes of light below them."
Should be "were," not "was."
"The moment you’ve lost the will to fight, the moment you lost purpose in your life, the moment you strayed from your goals, that is the moment you’ve stopped being you."
Replace the "you've" at the beginning and end with just "you."
"Do you want to talk about it.”
Question mark.
"The dust and loose underbrush settled slowly and braced against a splintered tree, Ikkaku gasped and coughed."
Either replace the comma with a period or replace hte comma was "as" or "while."
“That was when I decided I hat to get even stronger."
Should be "had," not "hat"
“There’s still so much don’t yet know, Ikkaku."
Put a "you" in front of "don't"
“Did you really think I leave you to face that guy alone?"
Should be "I would" or "I'd"
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Date: 2005-10-26 09:28 pm (UTC)I'll change those when I have time. This week is being a major pain in the ass )(stupid, stupid marathon)
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Date: 2005-10-25 05:29 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-26 09:30 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-25 05:36 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-26 09:31 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-25 06:26 pm (UTC)And we all love Hanatarou. XD
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Date: 2005-10-26 09:33 pm (UTC)And Ikkaku needed that kick in the ass like nothing else. He was killing me with all that sulking XP
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Date: 2005-10-25 08:47 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-26 09:33 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-25 08:48 pm (UTC)And there was FLUFF! *glee* YES! They deserve some fluff, poor things. I love how you're fitting in all the other shinigami into this, as well. Very smooth and fun. Hanatarou! <3
Loved this chapter~ Yaay! ^_^
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Date: 2005-10-26 09:35 pm (UTC)And Zaraki is very frightening when he's angry, but man if he didn't have a reason to get upset with how Ikkaku was acting.
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Date: 2005-10-26 12:22 am (UTC)yay!!! nemu and ikkaku have made up and ikkaku told her he loved her!! *squee*
great job on the story!! i'm really enjoying this series...
anyway, love the way you introduce the different characters. first rukia now hanatarou. =3
keep up the great work!
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Date: 2005-10-26 09:37 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-26 09:57 pm (UTC)oh just one question, are you bringing the 'save rukia' arc into your fic too?
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Date: 2005-10-26 10:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-27 12:01 am (UTC)i'll just be patient and see how your fic turns out!!
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Date: 2005-10-26 12:27 am (UTC)It made me so happy to see Nemu and Ikkaku together again! They're really too adorable. XD
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Date: 2005-10-26 09:38 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-26 03:03 am (UTC)Yeeeeeeeeeeessssssssssssss for Renji and Hozukimaru!!!!
Whoohooooooo! Ikkaku said he love Nemu!
“But… But Mayuri-sama said that nobody could ever love me.”
“Oh yeah? Well he said that I’ll always be a nobody. Guess that means he made you just for me then, huh?”
^Those two lines... FREAKING RULE!
annnnnnnndddddddddddddddddddddddd..............Just for the heck of it..*Kick Mayuri*
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Date: 2005-10-26 09:39 pm (UTC)“Oh yeah? Well he said that I’ll always be a nobody. Guess that means he made you just for me then, huh?”
When that line popped into my head, the first thing I thought was '.....yeah. Ikkaku would be that much of a dork to use such a corny line' XD
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Date: 2005-10-27 12:50 am (UTC)^_^
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Date: 2005-10-26 05:55 am (UTC)Tons of love for Renji and Zaraki here. The comparison with Renji's situation was very well done. And Zaraki was actually *gasp* subtle. He's
a great dad for his very weird little familyactually a very good leader.And Ikkaku... He's matured so wonderfully in the course of this story. Just a great, well-rounded character and I love both the moment of weakness and how it strenghtens his resolve. ♥
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Date: 2005-10-26 09:43 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-26 08:47 am (UTC)“What’s you’re name?” She asked politely.
^Should be "your name".
The Rukia comparison bit, to be honest, kinda bug me because it's difficult to fit into canon. I mean when right before Renji passes out in his fight with Byakuya, he recalled about Yumi and Ikkaku talking to him about how it's easier to let something apart than to hold on (or something like that).
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Date: 2005-10-26 09:50 pm (UTC)I figure with Zaraki and Yachiru's attitudes, 11th division's paperwork probably is probably an adventure in it's own right. But Zaraki knows his men. All they need is the right kind of push, really^^
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Date: 2005-11-10 06:55 am (UTC)Found one simple error though:
"Mayury curled his lips, but obliged in Abarai’s curiosity." With a Y instead of an i at the end of Mayuri's name.