ajremix: (crack)
[personal profile] ajremix
Keigo and Chizuru. Two first in one go.

Title: Classroom Dissonance
Fandom: Bleach
Rating: PG-13 for swearing and sexual reference
Word Count: 690
Characters: Karakura Shinigami and Keigo and Chizuru for some added fun
Summary: Spoilers for chapter 195. Because Hitsugaya and boobs are fun in any world.



It started out with a normal occurrence that got blown out of proportion. A normal occurrence, that is, if you’ve worked with the 10th division’s captain and vice-captain long enough. It, like many other similar occurrences, was simply Hitsugaya walking in one direction and Rangiku walking in the other, normally around a corner, and ended up with Hitsugaya getting a face full of breasts.

Rangiku smiled apologetically. “Sorry about that.” And Hitsugaya gave her his well-worn grunt of displeasure. And both went on as if nothing unusual happened. Because when you’re breast-level to Chesty McJuggs, it’s something that generally happens at least once a week.

Of course, to everyone else, though, this is generally looked upon as a ‘big thing’.

Because all the guys and a couple of the girls would’ve given ANYTHING to have been Hitsugaya at that moment as Rangiku never let anyone else remotely near her chest.

So all the kids in class referred to Hitsugaya with reverence and that was fine with him as he was a captain, dammit. It was about time they learned some respect even if he didn’t care to find out why.

Until, between classes, he got cornered.

“Tell us!” He shrank under the wild eyes of Chizuru and Keigo. “Tell us how you can get so close to the Valley of the Gods!”

He blinked. “What?”

“The Twin Peaks! The Path of Eden!”

“What are you talking bout?” Hitsugaya snapped.

“Matsumoto-san’s breasts!” Keigo explained.

Chizuru licked her lips. “Are they as silky as they look?”

“Does she put perfume there?”

“Does she wear a lacey bra?”

“Are they firm or soft?”

“Have you gotten far with her?”

“Have you ever licked them before?”

“Oooo! Maybe nibble them!”

“Yeah, yeah! Do you think she’s a screamer?”

“THAT’S ENOUGH!” Hitsugaya flailed, so red-faced he looked like he was dipped in pain. “Get away from me, you sick freaks!”

“Wait, wait!” They chased after him. “You haven’t answered our questions!”

“NO! Go away!”

On the other side of the classroom, Renji, Ikkaku and Yumichika were playing poker. “Captain’s gettin’ picked on again.” Renji noted, idly dealing the fourth round.

“Yeah.” Ikkaku looked at his hand, unimpressed. “Loser gets to help him, I guess?”

“Works for me.” He dealt the final round.

“NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!”

Yumichika sighed and got up. “I’ll take care of it.” And muttered to himself, ‘lazy bastards’. A full ten seconds went by before Ikkaku picked up Yumichika’s hand.

“Oi, fucker.” Renji growled. “That’s cheating.”

“No, it ain’t. Just enchancin’ the deck is all.” He paused. “You need a three?”

“Naw.”

“Oh. ‘Cause he’s got a triple, right now.”

“Ah, Keigo-kun! Chizuru-chan!” Yumichika twittered. “Just the people I was looking for!”

“Gasp! A guy!”

“Not just any guy!” Keigo cried. “The GAY one!”

Yumichika beamed. “Can you explain the math assignment? I didn’t get it at all!”

Hitsugaya panted, ducking behind the other two shinigami. “Yo, Captain.” Renji said as they raped Yumichika’s discarded hand. “Havin’ fun?”

He shuddered. “Disgusting freaks.”

“Hey, Renji. Trade you an eight for a two.”

“The fuck you think this is? Go Fish?” But switched the cards anyway.

Rangiku, of course, chose that time to step in. “Why, Captain! Are you hiding again?” Then asked in her best ‘let’s-piss-off-Captain’ voice (also called the baby-talk voice) “Has someone been teasing you again?”

Hitsugaya jabbed an accusing finger at her chest. “You two stay away from me.”

She giggled, obviously enjoying the charade far too much. “Poor Toshirou-kun! Let me hug ALL your troubles away!”

“No! Stop that!”

“Haha!” Ikkaku slapped his hand on the desk. “Low straight! Beat that!”

“You cheating bastard! Half that’s from Yumi’s hand and the other half’s from me! Like hell you win!”

“Feh! YOU weren’t stoppin’ me! Fuckin’ accessory’s what you are.”

“Matsumoto-dammit! Go away!”

“But Toshirou-kun! They just want to say hi!”

“Matsumoto-san! I’ll say hi to them!”

“Keigo, bastard! Don’t leave me with HIM!”

“And this problem? PLEASE help me with that? Pretty pretty please?”

Two people watched this from the doorway, afraid to set foot in the class. Eventually, Tatsuki turned to Ichigo and said, “Your new friends are completely insane.”

Date: 2005-09-19 12:07 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wickedchild-md.livejournal.com
It's just...wonderful. Definitely something worth reading and chuckling over at 5:05am. ♥

Date: 2005-09-19 12:42 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lemonyloyce.livejournal.com
Thank you for such an amusing read this morning. It was just what I needed to go with my cup of coffee... pure crack. ^_^

Date: 2005-09-19 12:47 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ex-rong.livejournal.com
The inner Hitsugaya in me howls! *shakes fist at imaginary matsumoto*

Well. Ahem. Can I laugh now? *runs to one corner* ;p

Date: 2005-09-19 02:27 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] hidden-gems.livejournal.com
I *love* you. You just rule!

**dies laughing**

Date: 2005-09-19 03:35 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] hardlyfatal.livejournal.com
The way you've written one of the last lines-- Matsumoto-dammit-- is like "dammit" is a new honorific. And that is KILLING me, at the idea. Hah.

Last line has a grammatical error: should be "your".

But this was hysterical, I *adored* the card game. Renji and Ikkaku are LOVE.

Date: 2005-09-19 03:39 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tsukishine.livejournal.com
Dude. I _worship_ you. It was _awesome_. There was...just so much...

*adds to memories*

Date: 2005-09-19 03:41 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tsukishine.livejournal.com
I just had to say: Love to you for that icon. It made me crack up.

Date: 2005-09-19 03:51 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] himawari.livejournal.com
Wonderful! That's hilarious. Poor Hitsugaya. He's not going to get any respect in Karakura, is he? And the card game was funny as hell. I imagine all games in the 11th division involve cheating and some bloodshed.

Date: 2005-09-19 06:28 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] starswing.livejournal.com
...

Once Kia stops laughing her head off most insanely, she will attempt to leave a review about how hilariously awesome and fitting this drabble is.

But she won't stop laughing for another five hours.

Date: 2005-09-19 06:34 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] musicaestvita.livejournal.com
Hitsugaya jabbed an accusing finger at her chest. "You two stay away from me."

BEST LINE IN FANFICTION EVER EVER EVER

Shunsui love for youuu~.

Date: 2005-09-19 07:01 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] peace-piper.livejournal.com
AHHH! I loved it!!! I love seeing the Renji-tachi debate about who has to help poor Shiro-chan, like it's some *chore*.

Deviously clever. Good job.

Date: 2005-09-19 07:28 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sashayaki.livejournal.com
*completely and utterly dead* XDDD That... was brilliant.

I'd try to say something coherent but I'm lightheaded from laughing so much. @.@ Woooo~ Just pure love. <3

Date: 2005-09-19 07:31 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] blonde-warning.livejournal.com
Ahhh! So cute!!!!!!!!!!! *squeal*

Date: 2005-09-19 08:05 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] blackestfaery.livejournal.com
Oh, god, that was hilarious *wipes tears from eyes*

The ever-present problem of running into teh boobs. *nudges Hitsugaya* He says he hates it, but it's only cause he's young still ^^

I really needed this - especially after a horrid day at work.

*adds to mems*

Date: 2005-09-19 08:49 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lily22.livejournal.com
XD. That was hilarious. And they just keep playing their card game...

Date: 2005-09-19 09:10 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] pan2dapan.livejournal.com
that was like five shades of badass. i love how you wrote renji and ikkaku. that is so them! lol! and yumi-chan too!

Date: 2005-09-19 09:32 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] idiosyn.livejournal.com
With a corrupted icon, too! Win!

Date: 2005-09-19 09:33 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] idiosyn.livejournal.com
I try to keep my peasants pacified by random acts of stupidity^-^

Date: 2005-09-19 09:34 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] idiosyn.livejournal.com
11th division as a whole is love^-^

I'll change that line when I have more time to do so, thanks!

Date: 2005-09-19 09:35 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] idiosyn.livejournal.com
You can worship me more this weekend. You know. If you're not doing anything^^

Date: 2005-09-19 09:36 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] idiosyn.livejournal.com
Poor Hitsugaya doesn't get respect because he's so short. Except for when he gets a face full of Rangiku. Then EVERYONE respects him XD

In my opinion, everything about the 11th division has to have drinking, cheating or bloodshed in there somewhere. They're all so thuggy!

Date: 2005-09-19 09:38 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] idiosyn.livejournal.com
I hope she doesn't die during that time because I have to tell her how much her icon rules XDD

Date: 2005-09-19 09:39 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] idiosyn.livejournal.com
Yay! I get Shunsui love! *huggles*

Date: 2005-09-19 09:40 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] idiosyn.livejournal.com
The poor boy probably gets picked on so much but he can't do anything about it because he's undercover. Everyone else probably likes seeing him squirm for once XD

Date: 2005-09-19 09:41 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] idiosyn.livejournal.com
I'm glad I made your day better *pats*

And the boob thing will NEVER get old. Then when Hitsugaya starts hitting puberty, it will certainly turn INTERESTING XD

Date: 2005-09-19 09:42 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Thanks. I don't often use Yumi so I'm always a little concerned that I'd get him wrong^^;;

Date: 2005-09-19 11:16 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] himawari.livejournal.com
*laughs* Yep. The 11th is like the afterlife yakuza, the undead mafia... (Wonder if they try to get "protection" money from the 4th.) They need a gang name.

Date: 2005-09-20 05:19 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] acesodapop.livejournal.com
but but

yumi is a girl. i mean, close enough right? SINCE WHEN HAVE YOU BEEN SO PICKY, KEIGOOO?

ohohh, this was lovely. lovely and excellent and ace! ♠ <33

Date: 2005-09-20 08:36 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] hidden-gems.livejournal.com
That's an interesting way of putting it! **lol**

Date: 2005-10-08 06:45 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
*Is to lazy to get a name*

Hahahaha! I LOVE IT!

Too funny! *Point and started to laugh at Hitsugaya* Poor little guy... :)

Date: 2005-10-17 02:06 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] xiao-huli-chan.livejournal.com
your fics are awesome!!! XD

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