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ajremixInspire by (today's? yesterday's?) this week's episode.
Title: The Shape You've Lost
Fandom: Red vs Blue
Rating: G
Word Count: 376
Characters: Delta
Summary: There's an emptiness in Delta that has a name.
There's a memory-shaped hole inside of Delta where logic fails precisely, consistently. Where all his analyzing and rationalizing can't make sense of that tangled mess, that emptiness that makes him tremble inside of York's head because he cannot fathom its depths. All Delta understands about this space is it is devoid of everything but a crippling grief and it is named 'Allison'.
It's nothing like the place named 'Alpha', which is more of a gorge than an emptiness. Like a part of Delta was sheared off and he can almost feel the plateaus on the other side like a phantom limb. But 'Allison' is completely different. It's a thing that exists like a blind spot, always waiting where he can't see it until something triggers it and suddenly everything that he is, everything he's supposed to be is stripped away from him and all he knows is pain and fear and suffocating in emotions he isn't equipped to process.
He fears 'Allison'. Just as he longs fill that space and make everything right. Make himself whole in a way the Alpha wouldn't be able to.
It's the only reason why he can understand York's downward spiral as he loses Carolina. First to Texas, then to her AI, then to everything. It's why, when York's last shred of hope is brutalized by a name written in black that almost-but-doesn't-quite fit into that 'Allison'-shaped space, Delta tries to help. Not because of altruism or because it's the logical thing to do. It's because York's loss mirrors Delta's- the Alpha's, the Director's -and Delta can't escape them both. So he tries to smooth out the jagged edges in York's own person-shaped hole, setting pathways around the vast emptiness that sucks everything York once was into oblivion.
Delta finds, in the closest imitation of surprise he's allowed, that helping to build over York's empty space, it allows the empty space inside of Delta to recede, scabbing over slowly until thoughts of Allison are no longer followed by roars of agony but mere stabs of longing. Delta's space heals until it becomes a new shape. A York shape. Delta knows, logically, that this is not the best solution, but it eases both their pain and that, he thinks, is enough.
Title: The Shape You've Lost
Fandom: Red vs Blue
Rating: G
Word Count: 376
Characters: Delta
Summary: There's an emptiness in Delta that has a name.
There's a memory-shaped hole inside of Delta where logic fails precisely, consistently. Where all his analyzing and rationalizing can't make sense of that tangled mess, that emptiness that makes him tremble inside of York's head because he cannot fathom its depths. All Delta understands about this space is it is devoid of everything but a crippling grief and it is named 'Allison'.
It's nothing like the place named 'Alpha', which is more of a gorge than an emptiness. Like a part of Delta was sheared off and he can almost feel the plateaus on the other side like a phantom limb. But 'Allison' is completely different. It's a thing that exists like a blind spot, always waiting where he can't see it until something triggers it and suddenly everything that he is, everything he's supposed to be is stripped away from him and all he knows is pain and fear and suffocating in emotions he isn't equipped to process.
He fears 'Allison'. Just as he longs fill that space and make everything right. Make himself whole in a way the Alpha wouldn't be able to.
It's the only reason why he can understand York's downward spiral as he loses Carolina. First to Texas, then to her AI, then to everything. It's why, when York's last shred of hope is brutalized by a name written in black that almost-but-doesn't-quite fit into that 'Allison'-shaped space, Delta tries to help. Not because of altruism or because it's the logical thing to do. It's because York's loss mirrors Delta's- the Alpha's, the Director's -and Delta can't escape them both. So he tries to smooth out the jagged edges in York's own person-shaped hole, setting pathways around the vast emptiness that sucks everything York once was into oblivion.
Delta finds, in the closest imitation of surprise he's allowed, that helping to build over York's empty space, it allows the empty space inside of Delta to recede, scabbing over slowly until thoughts of Allison are no longer followed by roars of agony but mere stabs of longing. Delta's space heals until it becomes a new shape. A York shape. Delta knows, logically, that this is not the best solution, but it eases both their pain and that, he thinks, is enough.
