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ajremixTitle: A Night of Forced Proximity
Fandom: Red vs Blue
Rating: PG
Word Count: 3594
Characters: Carolina, 479er
Summary: For satoru-13 for the rtficandarttrade. Talking to people isn't actually that hard.
It took about seven tries but eventually the emergency hatch was slammed open, letting thick smoke spill out. Carolina gripped the side of the Pelican and bodily hauled 479er out of the cockpit. The pilot coughed- a knee jerk reaction to the smoke and not because she was actually inhaling anything. Carolina all but shoved her out before pulling herself free and sliding down the side of the downed ship, hitting the ground in a crouch with her weapon at the ready. 479er was next to her, trying to catch her breath.
"Wooo!" Her head was nearly between her knees. "I know I like a little excitement in my extractions, but that was a little too intense for me."
Carolina just peered around cautiously, scrutinizing every shape and bit of cover around them. Only when she was certain no one was set to ambush them did she nudge 479er. "Come on. We need to get away from here before those guys come back." She was already on the move before she'd finished, trusting 479er to follow.
The pilot moved like she hadn't gone through survival training- just barreling through the underbrush and it made Carolina wince to hear the racket. It took a moment for her to remember that not all pilots went through that program.
"I'm not hurt, by the way."
"I know. Your biocomm was clear."
"Still. You could've asked."
"That'd be redundant."
"But it would've been polite."
Carolina spared a moment to give her companion a look over her shoulder. "We've been shot down in a wilderness, barely had the time to send off a distress signal and our coordinates to Mother of Invention and may be being hunted by the enemy and you're worried about courtesy?"
479er spread her hands in a shrug. The branch she had been holding sprung back, now hanging at an obviously unnatural angle. "I'm just saying. No point being rude when we're already stranded together."
Carolina just continued to push forward, wondering if it was too late to put 479er back in the Pelican.
~*~*~*~
They'd passed probably ten different clearings that neither were satisfied with for whatever reason. Half of them 479er claimed didn't have the clearance for a Pelican to make a pick-up without risking running into trees. The other half Carolina passed off as being too indefensible if the enemy got to them first. By the time they'd finally found a spot both agreed to, they were both tired, cranky and not at all in the mood to enjoy the sunset going on around them. Compressed rations were hardly a substitute to the slightly less bland but infinitely warmer food of the Mother's chow hall, but at least they weren't going hungry, either.
They made camp, for a lack of a better term, close enough to the tree line so that, if someone they didn't want to find them found them, it'd be a quick dash into cover. There were some boulders lining the outskirts, but 479er was certain anyone from the sky would be able to spot their dark silhouettes against the pale rock and that it wouldn't get in the way of the landing. Carolina was just glad they would be additional cover if needed.
By her (admittedly rough) calculations it would be hours before anyone from Mother would reach them. They may decide attempting a night search-and-rescue was too dangerous and hold off until morning. That is, if there was even anyone available as this hadn't been a high-priority mission to begin with. So she switched her armor color to contrast as much as possible with the rock face, leaned against one of the boulders and prepared for a long wait.
"Know any good campfire songs?"
It took Carolina a moment to realize 479er had said something. It took a moment longer to process just what it was she said. She looked at the pilot and said intelligently, "What?"
"Campfire songs. And while saying 'Row Row Row Your Boat' would give you bonus points for obscure reference, it's not actually a campfire song so don't even suggest it."
"I wasn't going to suggest anything."
"How 'bout 'Old Susanna'? You know that one?"
"No," she said most definitely.
"Oh, well the words are pretty easy-"
"I mean no as in, I am not singing."
479er sat there in silence for a brief moment. "Ah well, I'll just sing by myself, then-"
"We are not singing. There will be no singing done."
"How else do you suggest we pass the time?"
"In silence."
"Pfft. Boring."
Carolina scowled to herself. "You're just like York."
"Heh- I guess."
There was a long moment of silence before 479er said, "Oh- you meant that in a bad way!"
Were she not wearing a helmet, the look Carolina gave the pilot would've been incredulous, "There really isn't any other way to mean it."
"Oh, c'mon! York's a great guy."
Of course she'd think that, they were two of a kind, after all. Always chatting, always joking, never taking anything seriously until the situation forced their hand. Carolina had no idea how either of them got into the program, let alone survived for as long as they had.
"You really need to unwind some, Agent First-in-Flight."
And they always seemed to think Carolina was too uptight and ignored all her attempts to ignore them.
479er sighed and dropped her helmeted chin in her hand. "Seriously, Carolina. Don't you ever get lonely?"
"I'm a soldier. I don't have time to be lonely."
"Right, because that stops loneliness. All those hours in transit or waiting for more missions or training to begin or just lying in bed. It really never bothers you whenever you pass by any of the other Freelancers talking and hanging out and that you never get invited?"
Carolina's fingers tightened on the bend of her arm. "I get invited." Sometimes. Only by York these days. Even Wash had stopped asking her.
"But you never go, do you? What- do you think you're too good to hang out with them? Or that having friends will ruin your mystique?" There was none of South's sneering or Wyoming's mocking in 479er's voice. Just an open, honest curiosity. "Don't you ever get bored being perfect all the time?"
She laughed, bitter and hollow. "I'm hardly perfect. If I was, we wouldn't be here waiting for rescue."
"Whoawhoawhoa." 479er abruptly stood up, shoulders a straight shelf and spine tight. "That was not your fault. I'm the pilot, remember? If there's someone to blame that's not the bastard that shot us down, it's me."
"I should've manned the gunner position-"
"If I recall correctly, none of you Freelancers actually have any Pelican training. If you hopped up there, I would've freaked out."
Carolina couldn't argue with that. She didn't know the weapons panel at all, even when she knew sometimes they'd have a tail during evac. And that, she felt, still made it her fault.
"Stop that."
She jerked back in surprise. 479er was standing there with an accusatory lean, hands on her hips. "I know what you're thinking. You think not knowing is the same as being at fault. Guess what? It's not. And if it was, I'd still be to blame because I never suggested to the Director to have you guys trained up on weapons and it'd be the Director's fault for not bringing it up himself." Her helmet tilted challengingly. "So unless you want to blame the Director for this, just let it go."
Carolina was going to argue but something in 479er's stance made her pause. She almost expected the pilot to start bouncing on her toes like a boxer, ready to counter any hair Carolina split. It was such a York thing that, for a moment, Carolina wondered if they actually were two different people. It would be just as pointless arguing with 479er about it as there would've been if it were York.
She sighs, resigned. "Alright, alright. I'll drop it." And even though 479er obviously caught the semantics, there was little she could do about it.
~*~*~*~
"You never did answer my question, you know."
Carolina looked up, taking a moment to watch 479er making a little wooden pyramid. She had wanted to make a fire despite both having environmental controlled suits. 'Just because' was 479er's justification. Hardly a good enough reason to warrant potentially giving away their position. "What question was that?"
479er stuck a long stick out at the very top, as if it were a flag pole. "Don't you get lonely not talking to anyone?"
"I told you, I don't have time to get lonely."
The night sky and dark tree line turned 479er's visor nearly black when she looked up. "That isn't actually an answer, that's something you say to deflect the question. You can still be busy and lonely at the same time."
Carolina wasn't certain how much she liked having someone able to see right through her like that. After all, she didn't need someone to understand her, she just needed people to do their job so she could do hers.
Apparently the silence was answer enough because 479er asked, "What's wrong with having a friend?"
"There's no place for them in the Project."
"Why not?"
"Because it's dangerous and there's too much going on, I don't need to start worrying about hurting someone's feelings because they expect me to be nicer to them."
A stick tip was dragged through the dirt, making swirled, nonsensical patterns. "You've got an odd view of friendship." Carolina just looked at her. 479er laughed. "Hey, if you're a nice person then by all means continue being nice. But friends will just take you as you are- even jackasses have friends. Doesn't mean you won't be called out on your shit every once in a while, but it's not like they should be expecting anything different."
"Why are you so obsessed with if I have a friend or not?"
"Who's obsessed? I'm asking a question because, hell," 479er tossed the stick back into the trees, "it's not like I've got anything else to do and you're not really coming up with any conversation topics yourself."
The Freelancer huffed to herself. Fine, she could play it 479er's way. "By your definition, a friend wouldn't try to push me for a conversation when I don't want to have one."
"According to you, we're not friends so I don't really feel the need to respect those boundaries."
She could just tell 479er was grinning smugly under that helmet. She had to admit, though, the pilot had her there. "You're not making a very good case for friendship."
"I didn't know I was supposed to."
"Then why did you bring it up?"
479er shrugged. "I asked you a question which you still haven't answered."
For a long moment Carolina just looked at her in the same way she often looked at York. Just like with him, she wasn't certain if the pilot was being honest or not, if there was some kind of angle she was playing or what she would gain from this at all. It confused her and Carolina didn't like being confused. "Why does it matter so much?"
"Curiosity, mostly. I mean, who do you talk to? Who do you vent to?"
"Why do I need to vent?"
479er laughed, a sharp, disbelieving thing. "You can't seriously expect me to believe that you don't ever want to bitch about some of the bullshit you have to put up with."
"It's called being professional."
"It's called I-know-you're-lying. Or maybe you have a diary you unload on. Or journal if 'diary' is too girly for you."
Carolina kept her lips clamped tightly shut and when the silence stretched on for ten seconds, twenty, half a minute, 479er leaned her elbows on her knees. "You cannot tell me some of the other agents don't drive you crazy. What about last week when Maine almost shot me down with a rocket launcher? Or a couple days ago when Utah almost missed extraction and we had to circle around under fire to pick him up? Or just yesterday when South sent yet another agent to medical during a training scenario just to prove she could kick his ass?"
That last one made Carolina pause. "You watch our training?"
"Eh. Sometimes. If I have nothing better to do. So? You can't tell me that stuff doesn't piss you off."
A moment of deliberation and Carolina finally admitted, "No. Sometimes I just really cannot deal with them."
"So how do you work that out?"
She snorted. "By working out."
479er laughed in return, "Oh man. Not to belittle your work ethic or anything, but girl- you really need a break at some point. You'll hurt yourself working too hard."
Hardly the first time Carolina had ever heard that, but it certainly didn't get less annoying. " 'It takes all the running you can do, to keep in the same place. If you want to get somewhere else, you must run at least twice as fast as that.' " At 479er's confused head tilt, Carolina explained, "Lewis Carroll. Through the Looking-Glass. It stuck with me all my life."
"Not surprising."
Her glare was sharp, even through the visor. "I had to work hard to get to where I am now and I have to work hard to stay where I am."
"Did I say, at any point, that you had to stop?" 479er leaned against the boulder, arms crossed. "I'm just saying taking a day to recharge every once in a while is helpful. Besides, it's not like you're the one that needs to work harder, anyway. I mean some of the agents are… well, to keep from being rude, let's just say they could stand to put in about ten more hours of training. Each. Per day."
Carolina couldn't help it, her lips twitching a bit. "And you don't think that's excessive?"
"Like you don't agree with me."
"You know," the Freelancer said slowly, almost cautiously, "York would say I should be more considerate of the fact the others just don't have the focus and discipline I do."
"Pfft, okay- one? That's just an excuse for laziness. I know because I hear the same thing from other pilots. Two, I don't know if you've noticed, but," 479er leaned in and hissed in a stage whisper, "I'm not actually York." She sat upright again to indicate at her breast as she said, "For one thing, I've got these." She looked down at her not-exactly-flattering chestplate and amended, "Which would be more obvious if it weren't for the armor."
A snort of laughter escaped Carolina before she could stop it. 479er jabbed a triumphant finger at her, "You laughed! I heard it! You do have a sense of humor- I have a witness!"
"You are the witness which would just make it a case of your word against mine," came the dry counter. "Not the most air-tight of cases."
"The fact that you're arguing with me about this and attempting to put some real-world legality into it tips it back my way."
"Using real-world logic as a basis of any subject is the most reasonable course of action and I can argue all I want about anything that I want with you, but so long as there's no third-party witness, the result is still the same."
"Unless I record this conversation."
"Your armor doesn't have that capability."
"Like you know the full capabilities of pilot armor."
"I know that it can't record audio files."
479er shook her head and laughed and Carolina realized that she was actually smiling under her helmet. "Alright, I guess I gotta give you that one," the pilot said, leaning back on her hands.
Another silence fell between them, one that seemed to close the distance between them and made Carolina a little uncomfortable because it felt… familiar. As if her default professionalism was dangerously close to being stripped away in this slice of midnight, on a tiny rock with just the two of them. In an attempt to gain that distance back, she cleared her throat and asked, "Why do you watch us train?"
"Eh. Like I said, sometimes I don't have anything better to do. In all honesty though," 479er's outstretched legs bent so she could lean forward, elbows over knees, "do you really expect me to do what I do without know what you guys can do? I mean- c'mon! How many pilots would've willingly flown through an exploding ammunitions depot if they didn't know that you'd survive long enough to jump aboard?"
"Um…" Actually, Carolina hadn't considered that at all. She'd always thought 479er was a bit on the crazy-reckless side.
"I know I'm the best pilot in the program and all, but I didn't get there by being suicidal." Oh. "Knowing exactly what you guys are capable of makes me trust you whenever you guys put me in insane situations. And in case you didn't know, you put me in those a lot. The more I trust you, the more I can push the envelope and help you guys succeed, the more you trust me and keep getting better. It's like a vicious cycle that ends with a better chance of survival for everyone." There was a grin on 479er's face- Carolina could hear it. "Only makes sense, right?"
It did. And that made Carolina feel a little ashamed. Because she had just assumed that the pilot was just a hot-dogger who got her position by raw skill alone and not from being studious and analytical, who weighed the risks and angles just as much as Carolina herself did.
She should've known better. But now that she did, she could make amends in her way. Leaning forward, Carolina said, "Since you're so familiar with our abilities, what do you think we need to improve on?"
That obviously caught 479er by surprise. "What?"
"You get put in as much danger as we are when you extract us- sometimes on insert. So to make things easier on everyone, what do you think we need to work on to help you more?"
"Huh. Hmmmmm…" she put a hand to her chin in thought, the deep and intense silence making it evident 479er was mulling very seriously over the question. "Well, I suppose causing less trouble is out of the question."
"I'll see if the Director can reschedule that etiquette training course."
479er snorted and pointed at Carolina. "Okay, that? That helps. I'm not even being sarcastic."
"What helps?"
"You cracking a line. I'm not saying you have to turn into me or anything, but bantering? It's like you're actually acknowledging me."
The Freelancer frowned, head tilting in confusion. "I acknowledge you."
"You order me around like I'm a tool. If you joke with me once in a while, I'll know that you actually see me as human and that, frankly, makes me want to make sure you survive more than anything else."
"Why?"
"Because I watch out for my friends."
That rocked Carolina back in her seat. She'd never considered a friendship with the pilot before and now that the possibility was brought up… she didn't know what she thought of it.
479er, in contrast, waved a dismissive hand. "Anyway, to get back to what the others could do- some of 'em could use a bit of a speed boost. Especially Maine. I know he's a tough mother fucker but if I've got to wait on his slow ass in a hot extraction, I'm just gonna gun him down myself."
That got a huff of laughter. "Good luck with that. I haven't seen anything stop that man yet. He's a monster."
"A monster that's gonna get his ass left behind if he doesn't speed up."
Well… Carolina couldn't really refute that.
~*~*~*~
They talked. For hours they talked and eventually the topic moved from training to… so many things Carolina couldn't keep track of them all. By the time another Pelican found them, just as the sun started peeking through the trees and dappled light over their makeshift camp, Carolina realized she had enjoyed their stranded night together. It was actually a little disconcerting because she had spent so much time and effort to go through the Project as a professional and strictly as a professional, not wanting to get sidetracked or hampered by something like 'friendship'.
And yet, despite her self-imposed goal, Carolina found she might not mind if 479er decided to be her friend or something similar.
It took the entirety of the flight back to Mother for her to come to that conclusion, the other woman having gone to the cockpit because she couldn't sit anywhere else, leaving Carolina to reflect in the back with the medic that had given them both a clear bill of health.
Even after they'd docked and exited the Pelican, even when the Councilor had met her at the ramp (York was lingering in a doorway, just as he did for any agent that ran into more trouble than they should have on mission and, for the first time, Carolina actually appreciated it), Carolina and 479er still didn't exchange words.
It wasn't until 479er was being led away by her own commanding officer to be debriefed that Carolina made her decision. "Just so you know," she called out, making 479er turn around, "I'll be studying up on that gunner position."
479er's helmet tilted back, visor flashing bright like a smile. "Glad to have you at my back, then."
Fandom: Red vs Blue
Rating: PG
Word Count: 3594
Characters: Carolina, 479er
Summary: For satoru-13 for the rtficandarttrade. Talking to people isn't actually that hard.
It took about seven tries but eventually the emergency hatch was slammed open, letting thick smoke spill out. Carolina gripped the side of the Pelican and bodily hauled 479er out of the cockpit. The pilot coughed- a knee jerk reaction to the smoke and not because she was actually inhaling anything. Carolina all but shoved her out before pulling herself free and sliding down the side of the downed ship, hitting the ground in a crouch with her weapon at the ready. 479er was next to her, trying to catch her breath.
"Wooo!" Her head was nearly between her knees. "I know I like a little excitement in my extractions, but that was a little too intense for me."
Carolina just peered around cautiously, scrutinizing every shape and bit of cover around them. Only when she was certain no one was set to ambush them did she nudge 479er. "Come on. We need to get away from here before those guys come back." She was already on the move before she'd finished, trusting 479er to follow.
The pilot moved like she hadn't gone through survival training- just barreling through the underbrush and it made Carolina wince to hear the racket. It took a moment for her to remember that not all pilots went through that program.
"I'm not hurt, by the way."
"I know. Your biocomm was clear."
"Still. You could've asked."
"That'd be redundant."
"But it would've been polite."
Carolina spared a moment to give her companion a look over her shoulder. "We've been shot down in a wilderness, barely had the time to send off a distress signal and our coordinates to Mother of Invention and may be being hunted by the enemy and you're worried about courtesy?"
479er spread her hands in a shrug. The branch she had been holding sprung back, now hanging at an obviously unnatural angle. "I'm just saying. No point being rude when we're already stranded together."
Carolina just continued to push forward, wondering if it was too late to put 479er back in the Pelican.
~*~*~*~
They'd passed probably ten different clearings that neither were satisfied with for whatever reason. Half of them 479er claimed didn't have the clearance for a Pelican to make a pick-up without risking running into trees. The other half Carolina passed off as being too indefensible if the enemy got to them first. By the time they'd finally found a spot both agreed to, they were both tired, cranky and not at all in the mood to enjoy the sunset going on around them. Compressed rations were hardly a substitute to the slightly less bland but infinitely warmer food of the Mother's chow hall, but at least they weren't going hungry, either.
They made camp, for a lack of a better term, close enough to the tree line so that, if someone they didn't want to find them found them, it'd be a quick dash into cover. There were some boulders lining the outskirts, but 479er was certain anyone from the sky would be able to spot their dark silhouettes against the pale rock and that it wouldn't get in the way of the landing. Carolina was just glad they would be additional cover if needed.
By her (admittedly rough) calculations it would be hours before anyone from Mother would reach them. They may decide attempting a night search-and-rescue was too dangerous and hold off until morning. That is, if there was even anyone available as this hadn't been a high-priority mission to begin with. So she switched her armor color to contrast as much as possible with the rock face, leaned against one of the boulders and prepared for a long wait.
"Know any good campfire songs?"
It took Carolina a moment to realize 479er had said something. It took a moment longer to process just what it was she said. She looked at the pilot and said intelligently, "What?"
"Campfire songs. And while saying 'Row Row Row Your Boat' would give you bonus points for obscure reference, it's not actually a campfire song so don't even suggest it."
"I wasn't going to suggest anything."
"How 'bout 'Old Susanna'? You know that one?"
"No," she said most definitely.
"Oh, well the words are pretty easy-"
"I mean no as in, I am not singing."
479er sat there in silence for a brief moment. "Ah well, I'll just sing by myself, then-"
"We are not singing. There will be no singing done."
"How else do you suggest we pass the time?"
"In silence."
"Pfft. Boring."
Carolina scowled to herself. "You're just like York."
"Heh- I guess."
There was a long moment of silence before 479er said, "Oh- you meant that in a bad way!"
Were she not wearing a helmet, the look Carolina gave the pilot would've been incredulous, "There really isn't any other way to mean it."
"Oh, c'mon! York's a great guy."
Of course she'd think that, they were two of a kind, after all. Always chatting, always joking, never taking anything seriously until the situation forced their hand. Carolina had no idea how either of them got into the program, let alone survived for as long as they had.
"You really need to unwind some, Agent First-in-Flight."
And they always seemed to think Carolina was too uptight and ignored all her attempts to ignore them.
479er sighed and dropped her helmeted chin in her hand. "Seriously, Carolina. Don't you ever get lonely?"
"I'm a soldier. I don't have time to be lonely."
"Right, because that stops loneliness. All those hours in transit or waiting for more missions or training to begin or just lying in bed. It really never bothers you whenever you pass by any of the other Freelancers talking and hanging out and that you never get invited?"
Carolina's fingers tightened on the bend of her arm. "I get invited." Sometimes. Only by York these days. Even Wash had stopped asking her.
"But you never go, do you? What- do you think you're too good to hang out with them? Or that having friends will ruin your mystique?" There was none of South's sneering or Wyoming's mocking in 479er's voice. Just an open, honest curiosity. "Don't you ever get bored being perfect all the time?"
She laughed, bitter and hollow. "I'm hardly perfect. If I was, we wouldn't be here waiting for rescue."
"Whoawhoawhoa." 479er abruptly stood up, shoulders a straight shelf and spine tight. "That was not your fault. I'm the pilot, remember? If there's someone to blame that's not the bastard that shot us down, it's me."
"I should've manned the gunner position-"
"If I recall correctly, none of you Freelancers actually have any Pelican training. If you hopped up there, I would've freaked out."
Carolina couldn't argue with that. She didn't know the weapons panel at all, even when she knew sometimes they'd have a tail during evac. And that, she felt, still made it her fault.
"Stop that."
She jerked back in surprise. 479er was standing there with an accusatory lean, hands on her hips. "I know what you're thinking. You think not knowing is the same as being at fault. Guess what? It's not. And if it was, I'd still be to blame because I never suggested to the Director to have you guys trained up on weapons and it'd be the Director's fault for not bringing it up himself." Her helmet tilted challengingly. "So unless you want to blame the Director for this, just let it go."
Carolina was going to argue but something in 479er's stance made her pause. She almost expected the pilot to start bouncing on her toes like a boxer, ready to counter any hair Carolina split. It was such a York thing that, for a moment, Carolina wondered if they actually were two different people. It would be just as pointless arguing with 479er about it as there would've been if it were York.
She sighs, resigned. "Alright, alright. I'll drop it." And even though 479er obviously caught the semantics, there was little she could do about it.
~*~*~*~
"You never did answer my question, you know."
Carolina looked up, taking a moment to watch 479er making a little wooden pyramid. She had wanted to make a fire despite both having environmental controlled suits. 'Just because' was 479er's justification. Hardly a good enough reason to warrant potentially giving away their position. "What question was that?"
479er stuck a long stick out at the very top, as if it were a flag pole. "Don't you get lonely not talking to anyone?"
"I told you, I don't have time to get lonely."
The night sky and dark tree line turned 479er's visor nearly black when she looked up. "That isn't actually an answer, that's something you say to deflect the question. You can still be busy and lonely at the same time."
Carolina wasn't certain how much she liked having someone able to see right through her like that. After all, she didn't need someone to understand her, she just needed people to do their job so she could do hers.
Apparently the silence was answer enough because 479er asked, "What's wrong with having a friend?"
"There's no place for them in the Project."
"Why not?"
"Because it's dangerous and there's too much going on, I don't need to start worrying about hurting someone's feelings because they expect me to be nicer to them."
A stick tip was dragged through the dirt, making swirled, nonsensical patterns. "You've got an odd view of friendship." Carolina just looked at her. 479er laughed. "Hey, if you're a nice person then by all means continue being nice. But friends will just take you as you are- even jackasses have friends. Doesn't mean you won't be called out on your shit every once in a while, but it's not like they should be expecting anything different."
"Why are you so obsessed with if I have a friend or not?"
"Who's obsessed? I'm asking a question because, hell," 479er tossed the stick back into the trees, "it's not like I've got anything else to do and you're not really coming up with any conversation topics yourself."
The Freelancer huffed to herself. Fine, she could play it 479er's way. "By your definition, a friend wouldn't try to push me for a conversation when I don't want to have one."
"According to you, we're not friends so I don't really feel the need to respect those boundaries."
She could just tell 479er was grinning smugly under that helmet. She had to admit, though, the pilot had her there. "You're not making a very good case for friendship."
"I didn't know I was supposed to."
"Then why did you bring it up?"
479er shrugged. "I asked you a question which you still haven't answered."
For a long moment Carolina just looked at her in the same way she often looked at York. Just like with him, she wasn't certain if the pilot was being honest or not, if there was some kind of angle she was playing or what she would gain from this at all. It confused her and Carolina didn't like being confused. "Why does it matter so much?"
"Curiosity, mostly. I mean, who do you talk to? Who do you vent to?"
"Why do I need to vent?"
479er laughed, a sharp, disbelieving thing. "You can't seriously expect me to believe that you don't ever want to bitch about some of the bullshit you have to put up with."
"It's called being professional."
"It's called I-know-you're-lying. Or maybe you have a diary you unload on. Or journal if 'diary' is too girly for you."
Carolina kept her lips clamped tightly shut and when the silence stretched on for ten seconds, twenty, half a minute, 479er leaned her elbows on her knees. "You cannot tell me some of the other agents don't drive you crazy. What about last week when Maine almost shot me down with a rocket launcher? Or a couple days ago when Utah almost missed extraction and we had to circle around under fire to pick him up? Or just yesterday when South sent yet another agent to medical during a training scenario just to prove she could kick his ass?"
That last one made Carolina pause. "You watch our training?"
"Eh. Sometimes. If I have nothing better to do. So? You can't tell me that stuff doesn't piss you off."
A moment of deliberation and Carolina finally admitted, "No. Sometimes I just really cannot deal with them."
"So how do you work that out?"
She snorted. "By working out."
479er laughed in return, "Oh man. Not to belittle your work ethic or anything, but girl- you really need a break at some point. You'll hurt yourself working too hard."
Hardly the first time Carolina had ever heard that, but it certainly didn't get less annoying. " 'It takes all the running you can do, to keep in the same place. If you want to get somewhere else, you must run at least twice as fast as that.' " At 479er's confused head tilt, Carolina explained, "Lewis Carroll. Through the Looking-Glass. It stuck with me all my life."
"Not surprising."
Her glare was sharp, even through the visor. "I had to work hard to get to where I am now and I have to work hard to stay where I am."
"Did I say, at any point, that you had to stop?" 479er leaned against the boulder, arms crossed. "I'm just saying taking a day to recharge every once in a while is helpful. Besides, it's not like you're the one that needs to work harder, anyway. I mean some of the agents are… well, to keep from being rude, let's just say they could stand to put in about ten more hours of training. Each. Per day."
Carolina couldn't help it, her lips twitching a bit. "And you don't think that's excessive?"
"Like you don't agree with me."
"You know," the Freelancer said slowly, almost cautiously, "York would say I should be more considerate of the fact the others just don't have the focus and discipline I do."
"Pfft, okay- one? That's just an excuse for laziness. I know because I hear the same thing from other pilots. Two, I don't know if you've noticed, but," 479er leaned in and hissed in a stage whisper, "I'm not actually York." She sat upright again to indicate at her breast as she said, "For one thing, I've got these." She looked down at her not-exactly-flattering chestplate and amended, "Which would be more obvious if it weren't for the armor."
A snort of laughter escaped Carolina before she could stop it. 479er jabbed a triumphant finger at her, "You laughed! I heard it! You do have a sense of humor- I have a witness!"
"You are the witness which would just make it a case of your word against mine," came the dry counter. "Not the most air-tight of cases."
"The fact that you're arguing with me about this and attempting to put some real-world legality into it tips it back my way."
"Using real-world logic as a basis of any subject is the most reasonable course of action and I can argue all I want about anything that I want with you, but so long as there's no third-party witness, the result is still the same."
"Unless I record this conversation."
"Your armor doesn't have that capability."
"Like you know the full capabilities of pilot armor."
"I know that it can't record audio files."
479er shook her head and laughed and Carolina realized that she was actually smiling under her helmet. "Alright, I guess I gotta give you that one," the pilot said, leaning back on her hands.
Another silence fell between them, one that seemed to close the distance between them and made Carolina a little uncomfortable because it felt… familiar. As if her default professionalism was dangerously close to being stripped away in this slice of midnight, on a tiny rock with just the two of them. In an attempt to gain that distance back, she cleared her throat and asked, "Why do you watch us train?"
"Eh. Like I said, sometimes I don't have anything better to do. In all honesty though," 479er's outstretched legs bent so she could lean forward, elbows over knees, "do you really expect me to do what I do without know what you guys can do? I mean- c'mon! How many pilots would've willingly flown through an exploding ammunitions depot if they didn't know that you'd survive long enough to jump aboard?"
"Um…" Actually, Carolina hadn't considered that at all. She'd always thought 479er was a bit on the crazy-reckless side.
"I know I'm the best pilot in the program and all, but I didn't get there by being suicidal." Oh. "Knowing exactly what you guys are capable of makes me trust you whenever you guys put me in insane situations. And in case you didn't know, you put me in those a lot. The more I trust you, the more I can push the envelope and help you guys succeed, the more you trust me and keep getting better. It's like a vicious cycle that ends with a better chance of survival for everyone." There was a grin on 479er's face- Carolina could hear it. "Only makes sense, right?"
It did. And that made Carolina feel a little ashamed. Because she had just assumed that the pilot was just a hot-dogger who got her position by raw skill alone and not from being studious and analytical, who weighed the risks and angles just as much as Carolina herself did.
She should've known better. But now that she did, she could make amends in her way. Leaning forward, Carolina said, "Since you're so familiar with our abilities, what do you think we need to improve on?"
That obviously caught 479er by surprise. "What?"
"You get put in as much danger as we are when you extract us- sometimes on insert. So to make things easier on everyone, what do you think we need to work on to help you more?"
"Huh. Hmmmmm…" she put a hand to her chin in thought, the deep and intense silence making it evident 479er was mulling very seriously over the question. "Well, I suppose causing less trouble is out of the question."
"I'll see if the Director can reschedule that etiquette training course."
479er snorted and pointed at Carolina. "Okay, that? That helps. I'm not even being sarcastic."
"What helps?"
"You cracking a line. I'm not saying you have to turn into me or anything, but bantering? It's like you're actually acknowledging me."
The Freelancer frowned, head tilting in confusion. "I acknowledge you."
"You order me around like I'm a tool. If you joke with me once in a while, I'll know that you actually see me as human and that, frankly, makes me want to make sure you survive more than anything else."
"Why?"
"Because I watch out for my friends."
That rocked Carolina back in her seat. She'd never considered a friendship with the pilot before and now that the possibility was brought up… she didn't know what she thought of it.
479er, in contrast, waved a dismissive hand. "Anyway, to get back to what the others could do- some of 'em could use a bit of a speed boost. Especially Maine. I know he's a tough mother fucker but if I've got to wait on his slow ass in a hot extraction, I'm just gonna gun him down myself."
That got a huff of laughter. "Good luck with that. I haven't seen anything stop that man yet. He's a monster."
"A monster that's gonna get his ass left behind if he doesn't speed up."
Well… Carolina couldn't really refute that.
~*~*~*~
They talked. For hours they talked and eventually the topic moved from training to… so many things Carolina couldn't keep track of them all. By the time another Pelican found them, just as the sun started peeking through the trees and dappled light over their makeshift camp, Carolina realized she had enjoyed their stranded night together. It was actually a little disconcerting because she had spent so much time and effort to go through the Project as a professional and strictly as a professional, not wanting to get sidetracked or hampered by something like 'friendship'.
And yet, despite her self-imposed goal, Carolina found she might not mind if 479er decided to be her friend or something similar.
It took the entirety of the flight back to Mother for her to come to that conclusion, the other woman having gone to the cockpit because she couldn't sit anywhere else, leaving Carolina to reflect in the back with the medic that had given them both a clear bill of health.
Even after they'd docked and exited the Pelican, even when the Councilor had met her at the ramp (York was lingering in a doorway, just as he did for any agent that ran into more trouble than they should have on mission and, for the first time, Carolina actually appreciated it), Carolina and 479er still didn't exchange words.
It wasn't until 479er was being led away by her own commanding officer to be debriefed that Carolina made her decision. "Just so you know," she called out, making 479er turn around, "I'll be studying up on that gunner position."
479er's helmet tilted back, visor flashing bright like a smile. "Glad to have you at my back, then."
