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ajremixI have no idea what happened here. I guess it was only a matter of time before the existentialism hit.
Title: Incompleteness Theorem
Fandom: DCU
Rating: PG for some swear words
Word Count: 578
Characters: Booster, a side of Ted
In Response to: 30 days of Boostle - uncertainty
Summary: There is Booster and there is Michael and sometimes there's someone who's both.
No matter how hard Booster Gold tried, there was still a part of him that was Michael Jon Carter. Locked away and shoved down but still there nonetheless and no matter what Booster did, no matter how famous and rich and successful he became, Michael and his failings were still there in some dark corner of Booster's mind he couldn't forget.
For all that Booster Gold was confident and powerful, Michael was a failure who knew he would never be good enough. Everything Booster did, Michael whispered in his ear, "It won't work, you'll mess it all up, just stop trying, no one's ever going to appreciate you" and sometimes it was so, so hard to ignore him. Especially when others kept telling him the same thing, scoffing at all his attempts at seriousness, at wanting to prove himself until it was just Michael feeling awkward in a shiny suit he'd stolen because that was the only way he could make himself matter.
What was the point of it when no one gave him a chance? When all they did was smack him down as if he had no right to live his life how he wanted? Sometimes it was so damned hard to be Booster but he refused- refused -to be Michael again. He wasn't ever going to be that screw-up again. He wasn't going to let that loser ruin his life another time.
Except he did, again and again, whenever the line between self-confident Booster and selfish Michael blurred so much they were almost indistinguishable even to himself. And every time he failed- each more spectacular and more humiliating than the last -he tried to untangle the two even as that dark corner threatened to envelop him until the cold shadows invaded his lungs and froze his blood.
But always- before he hit his lowest point, always -there would be a gleam of light that prodded at his mind until he had no choice but to grab at it and that, in a way, was a relief in itself. Because he didn't have to think, just let himself get pulled along by someone else's will as he struggled to keep himself afloat.
And it was Ted. It was always Ted who would seek him out, share his warmth and was satisfied to just exist until he was needed. Ted would drag him, unresisting, until he leaned his head against Ted's shoulder and they'd just sit together. Sit until he was beyond a doubt certain that Ted was there and was going to be there for him, no matter how much of a screw up he was, no matter how badly he fucked his life over, no matter how many times he made the same stupid mistake.
"Just a setback, buddy," Ted would say into his hair. "It'll blow over soon, just gotta get back up and keep going. We'll be okay."
And it was always 'we' with Ted. Because he wasn't going to let Booster get pulled under or let Michael drown them both in despair. They latched on to him, the one bright spot in both their lives that believed. Even after all the arguments and all the fights, Ted believed in Booster and Michael and the eternally confused, struggling and nameless being that was them blended together.
"Ted..."
"Hm?"
He buried his face against Ted's neck, arm around his waist as he tried to figure which part of himself belonged to who.
"Thank you."
Title: Incompleteness Theorem
Fandom: DCU
Rating: PG for some swear words
Word Count: 578
Characters: Booster, a side of Ted
In Response to: 30 days of Boostle - uncertainty
Summary: There is Booster and there is Michael and sometimes there's someone who's both.
No matter how hard Booster Gold tried, there was still a part of him that was Michael Jon Carter. Locked away and shoved down but still there nonetheless and no matter what Booster did, no matter how famous and rich and successful he became, Michael and his failings were still there in some dark corner of Booster's mind he couldn't forget.
For all that Booster Gold was confident and powerful, Michael was a failure who knew he would never be good enough. Everything Booster did, Michael whispered in his ear, "It won't work, you'll mess it all up, just stop trying, no one's ever going to appreciate you" and sometimes it was so, so hard to ignore him. Especially when others kept telling him the same thing, scoffing at all his attempts at seriousness, at wanting to prove himself until it was just Michael feeling awkward in a shiny suit he'd stolen because that was the only way he could make himself matter.
What was the point of it when no one gave him a chance? When all they did was smack him down as if he had no right to live his life how he wanted? Sometimes it was so damned hard to be Booster but he refused- refused -to be Michael again. He wasn't ever going to be that screw-up again. He wasn't going to let that loser ruin his life another time.
Except he did, again and again, whenever the line between self-confident Booster and selfish Michael blurred so much they were almost indistinguishable even to himself. And every time he failed- each more spectacular and more humiliating than the last -he tried to untangle the two even as that dark corner threatened to envelop him until the cold shadows invaded his lungs and froze his blood.
But always- before he hit his lowest point, always -there would be a gleam of light that prodded at his mind until he had no choice but to grab at it and that, in a way, was a relief in itself. Because he didn't have to think, just let himself get pulled along by someone else's will as he struggled to keep himself afloat.
And it was Ted. It was always Ted who would seek him out, share his warmth and was satisfied to just exist until he was needed. Ted would drag him, unresisting, until he leaned his head against Ted's shoulder and they'd just sit together. Sit until he was beyond a doubt certain that Ted was there and was going to be there for him, no matter how much of a screw up he was, no matter how badly he fucked his life over, no matter how many times he made the same stupid mistake.
"Just a setback, buddy," Ted would say into his hair. "It'll blow over soon, just gotta get back up and keep going. We'll be okay."
And it was always 'we' with Ted. Because he wasn't going to let Booster get pulled under or let Michael drown them both in despair. They latched on to him, the one bright spot in both their lives that believed. Even after all the arguments and all the fights, Ted believed in Booster and Michael and the eternally confused, struggling and nameless being that was them blended together.
"Ted..."
"Hm?"
He buried his face against Ted's neck, arm around his waist as he tried to figure which part of himself belonged to who.
"Thank you."
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Date: 2010-11-24 06:22 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-11-24 10:17 pm (UTC)I love it. :D
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Date: 2010-11-24 10:41 pm (UTC)