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ajremixI've been seriously digging Westlake's Dortmunder novels. Even though practically no one seems to know they exist, this little snippit just stuck in my mind. I just wish I could think of a better title :P
Title: Bad Number
Series: Dortmunder
Rating: G
Word Count: 443
Character: John Dortmunder and Andy Kelp
Summary: Words of wisdom for crooks and the technologically suavy
John Dortmunder didn’t normally associate with people a lot. In fact, especially due to his occupation, he did very little beyond associating with other people that didn’t have to do with his occupation. One person, though, tended to stick to him. Dortmunder didn’t complain too much, but there were just some things Andy Kelp did that had a tendency of bugging him.
Like breaking into his apartment. Sure, he and May had gotten used to Andy picking his way through the front door through the years, but there were just some times Dortmunder wished he knew what a doorbell was. And there was no turning Andy Kelp away when he showed up because it was (almost) always for a reason.
Then there was this obsession he had with technology. For years Andy tried to get Dortmunder to buy a computer. And an answering machine. Hell, once he even stole a fax machine and given it to Dortmunder. It, of course, had a very short life in Dortmunder’s possession and went to the same stinking, trash-filled death as the computer magazines that were occasionally left in his apartment.
But Dortmunder just put it all to the fact that Andy Kelp liked people and he liked being available to people he liked (which was all of them, especially if they weren’t associated with law enforcement). So when there was a ringing in Dortmunder’s apartment that wasn’t the one, original phone in the place, he expected it to be coming off of Andy Kelp’s person. And when Andy Kelp handed out yet another new number to reach him at or had a new cell phone he picked up from somewhere (someone), Dortmunder had come to expect it.
So, dropping on some unoccupied house for a visit, he hadn’t thought it odd when the brightly stickered and colored cell phone that was sitting on the table was no longer there. And when it rang in Andy’s hand, he supposed it was only out of habit that he would answer it because it was his (anything that was in Andy Kelp’s hand was automatically his, especially if it had a ring tone).
However, as they were hunkered down uncomfortably in a janitorial closet in the building next door so full of junk it barely held one grown man let alone two, hoping the police wouldn’t think to look in there, Dortmunder felt it necessary to say something:
“Andy?”
“Yes, John?”
“When a phone rings in the middle of a job, even if it is on your person, don’t answer it.”
“Yes, John.”
“And when they ask who you are, don’t tell them that you’re robbing them.”
“Right, John.”
Title: Bad Number
Series: Dortmunder
Rating: G
Word Count: 443
Character: John Dortmunder and Andy Kelp
Summary: Words of wisdom for crooks and the technologically suavy
John Dortmunder didn’t normally associate with people a lot. In fact, especially due to his occupation, he did very little beyond associating with other people that didn’t have to do with his occupation. One person, though, tended to stick to him. Dortmunder didn’t complain too much, but there were just some things Andy Kelp did that had a tendency of bugging him.
Like breaking into his apartment. Sure, he and May had gotten used to Andy picking his way through the front door through the years, but there were just some times Dortmunder wished he knew what a doorbell was. And there was no turning Andy Kelp away when he showed up because it was (almost) always for a reason.
Then there was this obsession he had with technology. For years Andy tried to get Dortmunder to buy a computer. And an answering machine. Hell, once he even stole a fax machine and given it to Dortmunder. It, of course, had a very short life in Dortmunder’s possession and went to the same stinking, trash-filled death as the computer magazines that were occasionally left in his apartment.
But Dortmunder just put it all to the fact that Andy Kelp liked people and he liked being available to people he liked (which was all of them, especially if they weren’t associated with law enforcement). So when there was a ringing in Dortmunder’s apartment that wasn’t the one, original phone in the place, he expected it to be coming off of Andy Kelp’s person. And when Andy Kelp handed out yet another new number to reach him at or had a new cell phone he picked up from somewhere (someone), Dortmunder had come to expect it.
So, dropping on some unoccupied house for a visit, he hadn’t thought it odd when the brightly stickered and colored cell phone that was sitting on the table was no longer there. And when it rang in Andy’s hand, he supposed it was only out of habit that he would answer it because it was his (anything that was in Andy Kelp’s hand was automatically his, especially if it had a ring tone).
However, as they were hunkered down uncomfortably in a janitorial closet in the building next door so full of junk it barely held one grown man let alone two, hoping the police wouldn’t think to look in there, Dortmunder felt it necessary to say something:
“Andy?”
“Yes, John?”
“When a phone rings in the middle of a job, even if it is on your person, don’t answer it.”
“Yes, John.”
“And when they ask who you are, don’t tell them that you’re robbing them.”
“Right, John.”
