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[fic][Star Wars: Republic Commando, Laseema, Fixer, PG-13] Paradigm Shift
Title: Paradigm Shift
Fandom: Star Wars: Republic Commando
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 2238
Characters: Laseema, Fixer
Summary: Set before part 4 of Tie a Knife with a Ribbon. Laseema and Fixer and a little needed perspective.
The kitchen was Laseema’s domain. Besany had initially been indignant on her behalf that the majority had expected Laseema to keep everyone fed and had been ready to brow beat Kal and the Nulls into rotation to help. Laseema talked her out of it. The kitchen was also her sanctuary and, though Mandalorian culture was generally based on ability rather than gender, Kal had some very defined ideas as to what a woman’s role in the house was. And, as they did in most things, many of his boys followed his lead. Which meant Laseema had a space where she was practically guaranteed to not be disturbed.
Of course she was grateful for everything Kal’buir had done for her, first taking her away from Qibbu and then from Coruscant, but as one of only three women and sole non-human on the property, Laseema didn’t always feel… comfortable. It wasn’t as bad now as some of the clones passing through Kyrimorut or settling nearby for a new life had non-human spouses and the rest of the Skirata Clan was always trying to include her in their discussions and games and such. Honestly, that was part of the problem- they could be overwhelming with their kindness.
It was why she always enjoyed whenever any amount of Delta Squad came by. They all had a self-contained energy to them like Atin did and each willingly helped in the kitchen without imposing on her. Fixer’s contribution- and what made him Laseema’s favorite -was upgrading or fixing up all of the appliances.
For all the hard work Rav had put into the ‘yaim and property, and as much money as Kal and Walon had given her for it, she’d still had to budget. Unsurprisingly a majority of that money was spent towards security and monitoring systems and setting up a network of people that would quietly shuttle less than legal items- or clones -for a fee. As a result nearly everything in the kitchen was secondhand. At best. Everything worked- Rav was too savvy to be ripped off -but not as well as it could and Fixer recognized that within two days of arriving and applied his abilities accordingly.
When Atin found out he’d been annoyed. Mostly at himself for not noticing the issues first and offered to take over upgrading when Fixer wasn’t around. Laseema turned him down, however. Fixer had spent nearly every day of that first visit dealing with one kitchen issue or another and in that time the two had managed a tentative friendship that grew with each subsequent visit even if the most work he had to do in the kitchen was basic maintenance. Laseema was happy to count Fixer as her friend and be considered his. While they generally got along with others neither were particularly good at or keen to make friends even in ideal circumstances. The fact that they managed it with each other in the sparse times Fixer was there was something of a miracle and Laseema enjoyed their moments together.
That familiarity made it easy to tell that Fixer wasn’t giving the disassembled dishwasher more than the bare minimum attention. She knew better than to press, however. All of Walon’s boys had a complicated relationship with emotions and she’d found it was better to let them analyze it themselves until they could figure out how they wanted to communicate it to others.
When Fixer eventually spoke it startled Laseema out of the holonovel she’d been reading. “How do you know that you’re attracted to someone?”
Not at all what she’d been expecting, least of all from Fixer. “Is this about that modified commando you’ve mentioned?”
The question made him freeze for a brief moment, as if he’d been caught in something he shouldn’t have been doing. “Do I talk about him that much?”
“Not really.” Which was the truth but Fixer so rarely talked about anyone outside of his brothers that it had caught her attention. Also, from what Atin had told her, the other Deltas claimed that other clone was absolutely flirting with Fixer but weren’t sure if Fixer would go for it or not. “Why do you think you might be attracted to him?”
Fixer’s eyes dropped down to his work, aimlessly tumbling a piece of tubing between his fingers. “He talks to me.” His tone suggested he thought it was a silly reason. Luckily for him Laseema understood exactly what he meant.
“That’s how it started with Atin.” At her words, Fixer looked up at her. “At first he was just making sure I was doing okay, that Qibbu or the customers weren’t bothering me. Then he started just… talking to me. Asking me questions, wanting my opinion and paying attention to what I said.” She couldn’t help smiling at the memory of her confusion over Atin’s attempts at conversation. It was embarrassing in hindsight, the way she kept second guessing his sincerity. “Does your boy do the same?”
Fixer nodded. “I think he started it up because he knew I didn’t expect anyone to talk to me and he thought it was funny to keep bringing me into conversations.”
“And then it became something genuine?” Laseema’s lekku curled nearly to her chin, a childish sort of eagerness, an innocent glee. “I don’t blame you for falling for that.”
“So you think I might be attracted to him?” The corners of Fixer’s mouth was pulled back, clearly not happy about it.
“Do you not want to be?”
“I don’t know.”
“From what I've heard of him, if you told him to stop he would. Do you think you’d prefer if he stopped?”
“I don’t know.” A note of frustration colored his voice, settling in the back of his throat. “It’d be easier if he did.”
“True.” Laseema moved from the table to sit on the floor, back to the cabinet so the two were mostly facing each other. “What does it feel like when you see him? Or when he speaks to you?”
“My chest gets warm and tight. It’s hard to focus on something other than him and I catch myself waiting for him to address me and I don’t know if it’s due to anticipation or dread.”
“Do you know if it’s because you don’t like the attention or because you’re not used to it?”
A focus came to Fixer’s gaze as he turned the question over in his head. Laseema continued, “That’s what it was like for me. Almost all the attention I got, especially from human men, was due to being a twi’lek woman. It took some time for me to realize that Atin didn’t treat me like that and when I did, I began looking forward to talking to him.”
“But nothing else changed.” Fixer wasn’t even pretending to work now. “I don’t see him differently but I can’t stop noticing him. He’s not any more interesting but he intrigues me. He’s not any more attractive but he’s constantly in my thoughts.”
She couldn’t help smiling slightly. “There’s more than one way to feel romantic love. It doesn’t always have to be fireworks and holodrama intensity. I love Atin because I feel comfortable around him. He makes me feel safe and loved and me when I’m with him. All the things I was missing before.”
“What do you mean you feel like you when you’re with him?” From the intensity in Fixer’s eyes he wasn’t asking because he didn’t understand.
Laseema linked her fingers together, stretching her arms over her upright knees. The tips of her lekku swayed side to side, a movement meant to comfort others. “Ever since I came to Coruscant, even when I was a young girl, I always felt like another twi’lek woman. I was always an object to leer at and hit on. Very few people saw me as a person, let alone treated me like one.” She shrugged, mouth slanting ruefully. “Honestly, from the way I heard people talk, I thought clones might feel a similar way.”
Fixer simply nodded so Laseema continued, “I never felt like ‘the twi’lek woman’ or ‘the waitress’ with Atin. I was Laseema because that’s who he wanted to know about. I imagine that’s the way it is with- what’s his name?”
“Hunter.”
“That’s how it is with Hunter, right? Even with the people that see you as more than just a clone, how many of them treated you as something other than a member of Delta Squad?” Fixer’s eyes widened, just enough to be noticeable. “You’re not another clone, another commando to Hunter. No one could replace you in his eyes. Who could blame you for being attracted to someone that sees you.”
His throat worked for a moment, the muscles in his jaw and brow twitching with microexpressions as Fixer thought. It felt like Laseema had given him the puzzle piece he’d been missing and they were now sliding into place behind his eyes But then, just as the revelation hit, something else overtook it and Fixer’s eyes darkened, his posture closing off. “Why me, though? I’m not… interesting.”
Laseema recoiled. “Who told you that?” He gave her a look as if the answer wasn’t obvious. “First off, I don’t appreciate anyone talking about my friend like that. Second, don’t compare yourself to any of the others- especially not your brothers. Just because you’re not like them doesn’t make you any less worthwhile. Why wouldn’t Hunter like you? You’re so smart and capable and reliable and personally I think you’re the kindest of your brothers.”
Fixer scoffed. “I have a reputation as ‘the mean one’.”
“You can be both,” she said with a dismissive hand. “It just means that you’re honest. You’re always quick to help out and you don’t hesitate to compliment someone when you think they deserve it. And you’ll do anything to protect the people you love even if it means slotting someone in the most efficient way possible.”
Laseema always felt it an accomplishment to get Fixer’s little huff of laughter. “I suppose that’s a way of looking at it. Thank you,” Fixer said softly, not quite able to meet Laseema’s eyes, “I’m grateful you consider me a friend.”
“Of course I do.” A thought suddenly hit her. “Did I never tell you that before?” When Fixer shook his head, Laseema told him, “Well, you are. One of my closest, actually.”
“Even though I’m mostly not here?”
“Even then. You’re easy to talk to and even though you’re not good at emotional things, you’re still thoughtful whenever you give me advice.”
His lips twitched. “I consider you one of my closest friends, too. I appreciate your patience and understanding.” He paused, then looked up at her, a vulnerability in his eyes she didn’t think she’d seen before. “Do you think this relationship is worth pursuing?”
“Won’t know until you try. But from what I’ve heard, Hunter is a good man who cares about you. I think he’s worth giving a chance.” Laseema leaned forward, putting her hand on the floor between them. “And if he breaks your heart, I’ll cut his balls off.”
The twitch turned into a tiny smile. “You don’t have to.”
“True. I’ll get Atin to do it.”
He huffed, tone dry with amusement. “I’m perfectly capable of castrating him myself, you know.”
“I know. It’s called solidarity. I’m on your side no matter what.”
Fixer’s expression softened into fondness and he slid his hand forward until he could bump his fingers into Laseema’s. “Thanks.”
She smiled back, letting the moment hang between them. Then her eyes turned mischievous and the tips of her lekku twirled slightly. “So… tell me about him. What about him caught your attention?”
“I accidentally stole his knife while we were tracking his group down. It wasn’t the standard issue knife they had in Kamino. Good quality, well maintained. Despite all the wear there was no rust or stains, some polished over scratches but minimal chipping. The marks on the blade indicated that he preferred to sharpen it by hand instead of with an automated tool. It was obvious how much care he put into it that I felt guilty about taking it.”
Laseema had to hold back a giggle. Only a commando could speak with such reverence about a weapon. Only a commando could make meeting through a manhunt sound romantic. “You learned that much about him just from looking at his knife?”
Fixer leaned back, bracing one hand behind him as he talked about Hunter’s strength and resilience, his warmth and understanding, how he was both headstrong and methodical. Laseema doubted he realized just how much he was talking about Hunter now that he’d been given permission to and with such softness and joy. Laseema hugged her knees to her chest, chin resting on her arms, just as taken by what Fixer said as she was by how he said it. He didn’t even know, did he? Well, he’d figure it out in time. With her help if needed. After all, that’s what friends were for.
Fandom: Star Wars: Republic Commando
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 2238
Characters: Laseema, Fixer
Summary: Set before part 4 of Tie a Knife with a Ribbon. Laseema and Fixer and a little needed perspective.
The kitchen was Laseema’s domain. Besany had initially been indignant on her behalf that the majority had expected Laseema to keep everyone fed and had been ready to brow beat Kal and the Nulls into rotation to help. Laseema talked her out of it. The kitchen was also her sanctuary and, though Mandalorian culture was generally based on ability rather than gender, Kal had some very defined ideas as to what a woman’s role in the house was. And, as they did in most things, many of his boys followed his lead. Which meant Laseema had a space where she was practically guaranteed to not be disturbed.
Of course she was grateful for everything Kal’buir had done for her, first taking her away from Qibbu and then from Coruscant, but as one of only three women and sole non-human on the property, Laseema didn’t always feel… comfortable. It wasn’t as bad now as some of the clones passing through Kyrimorut or settling nearby for a new life had non-human spouses and the rest of the Skirata Clan was always trying to include her in their discussions and games and such. Honestly, that was part of the problem- they could be overwhelming with their kindness.
It was why she always enjoyed whenever any amount of Delta Squad came by. They all had a self-contained energy to them like Atin did and each willingly helped in the kitchen without imposing on her. Fixer’s contribution- and what made him Laseema’s favorite -was upgrading or fixing up all of the appliances.
For all the hard work Rav had put into the ‘yaim and property, and as much money as Kal and Walon had given her for it, she’d still had to budget. Unsurprisingly a majority of that money was spent towards security and monitoring systems and setting up a network of people that would quietly shuttle less than legal items- or clones -for a fee. As a result nearly everything in the kitchen was secondhand. At best. Everything worked- Rav was too savvy to be ripped off -but not as well as it could and Fixer recognized that within two days of arriving and applied his abilities accordingly.
When Atin found out he’d been annoyed. Mostly at himself for not noticing the issues first and offered to take over upgrading when Fixer wasn’t around. Laseema turned him down, however. Fixer had spent nearly every day of that first visit dealing with one kitchen issue or another and in that time the two had managed a tentative friendship that grew with each subsequent visit even if the most work he had to do in the kitchen was basic maintenance. Laseema was happy to count Fixer as her friend and be considered his. While they generally got along with others neither were particularly good at or keen to make friends even in ideal circumstances. The fact that they managed it with each other in the sparse times Fixer was there was something of a miracle and Laseema enjoyed their moments together.
That familiarity made it easy to tell that Fixer wasn’t giving the disassembled dishwasher more than the bare minimum attention. She knew better than to press, however. All of Walon’s boys had a complicated relationship with emotions and she’d found it was better to let them analyze it themselves until they could figure out how they wanted to communicate it to others.
When Fixer eventually spoke it startled Laseema out of the holonovel she’d been reading. “How do you know that you’re attracted to someone?”
Not at all what she’d been expecting, least of all from Fixer. “Is this about that modified commando you’ve mentioned?”
The question made him freeze for a brief moment, as if he’d been caught in something he shouldn’t have been doing. “Do I talk about him that much?”
“Not really.” Which was the truth but Fixer so rarely talked about anyone outside of his brothers that it had caught her attention. Also, from what Atin had told her, the other Deltas claimed that other clone was absolutely flirting with Fixer but weren’t sure if Fixer would go for it or not. “Why do you think you might be attracted to him?”
Fixer’s eyes dropped down to his work, aimlessly tumbling a piece of tubing between his fingers. “He talks to me.” His tone suggested he thought it was a silly reason. Luckily for him Laseema understood exactly what he meant.
“That’s how it started with Atin.” At her words, Fixer looked up at her. “At first he was just making sure I was doing okay, that Qibbu or the customers weren’t bothering me. Then he started just… talking to me. Asking me questions, wanting my opinion and paying attention to what I said.” She couldn’t help smiling at the memory of her confusion over Atin’s attempts at conversation. It was embarrassing in hindsight, the way she kept second guessing his sincerity. “Does your boy do the same?”
Fixer nodded. “I think he started it up because he knew I didn’t expect anyone to talk to me and he thought it was funny to keep bringing me into conversations.”
“And then it became something genuine?” Laseema’s lekku curled nearly to her chin, a childish sort of eagerness, an innocent glee. “I don’t blame you for falling for that.”
“So you think I might be attracted to him?” The corners of Fixer’s mouth was pulled back, clearly not happy about it.
“Do you not want to be?”
“I don’t know.”
“From what I've heard of him, if you told him to stop he would. Do you think you’d prefer if he stopped?”
“I don’t know.” A note of frustration colored his voice, settling in the back of his throat. “It’d be easier if he did.”
“True.” Laseema moved from the table to sit on the floor, back to the cabinet so the two were mostly facing each other. “What does it feel like when you see him? Or when he speaks to you?”
“My chest gets warm and tight. It’s hard to focus on something other than him and I catch myself waiting for him to address me and I don’t know if it’s due to anticipation or dread.”
“Do you know if it’s because you don’t like the attention or because you’re not used to it?”
A focus came to Fixer’s gaze as he turned the question over in his head. Laseema continued, “That’s what it was like for me. Almost all the attention I got, especially from human men, was due to being a twi’lek woman. It took some time for me to realize that Atin didn’t treat me like that and when I did, I began looking forward to talking to him.”
“But nothing else changed.” Fixer wasn’t even pretending to work now. “I don’t see him differently but I can’t stop noticing him. He’s not any more interesting but he intrigues me. He’s not any more attractive but he’s constantly in my thoughts.”
She couldn’t help smiling slightly. “There’s more than one way to feel romantic love. It doesn’t always have to be fireworks and holodrama intensity. I love Atin because I feel comfortable around him. He makes me feel safe and loved and me when I’m with him. All the things I was missing before.”
“What do you mean you feel like you when you’re with him?” From the intensity in Fixer’s eyes he wasn’t asking because he didn’t understand.
Laseema linked her fingers together, stretching her arms over her upright knees. The tips of her lekku swayed side to side, a movement meant to comfort others. “Ever since I came to Coruscant, even when I was a young girl, I always felt like another twi’lek woman. I was always an object to leer at and hit on. Very few people saw me as a person, let alone treated me like one.” She shrugged, mouth slanting ruefully. “Honestly, from the way I heard people talk, I thought clones might feel a similar way.”
Fixer simply nodded so Laseema continued, “I never felt like ‘the twi’lek woman’ or ‘the waitress’ with Atin. I was Laseema because that’s who he wanted to know about. I imagine that’s the way it is with- what’s his name?”
“Hunter.”
“That’s how it is with Hunter, right? Even with the people that see you as more than just a clone, how many of them treated you as something other than a member of Delta Squad?” Fixer’s eyes widened, just enough to be noticeable. “You’re not another clone, another commando to Hunter. No one could replace you in his eyes. Who could blame you for being attracted to someone that sees you.”
His throat worked for a moment, the muscles in his jaw and brow twitching with microexpressions as Fixer thought. It felt like Laseema had given him the puzzle piece he’d been missing and they were now sliding into place behind his eyes But then, just as the revelation hit, something else overtook it and Fixer’s eyes darkened, his posture closing off. “Why me, though? I’m not… interesting.”
Laseema recoiled. “Who told you that?” He gave her a look as if the answer wasn’t obvious. “First off, I don’t appreciate anyone talking about my friend like that. Second, don’t compare yourself to any of the others- especially not your brothers. Just because you’re not like them doesn’t make you any less worthwhile. Why wouldn’t Hunter like you? You’re so smart and capable and reliable and personally I think you’re the kindest of your brothers.”
Fixer scoffed. “I have a reputation as ‘the mean one’.”
“You can be both,” she said with a dismissive hand. “It just means that you’re honest. You’re always quick to help out and you don’t hesitate to compliment someone when you think they deserve it. And you’ll do anything to protect the people you love even if it means slotting someone in the most efficient way possible.”
Laseema always felt it an accomplishment to get Fixer’s little huff of laughter. “I suppose that’s a way of looking at it. Thank you,” Fixer said softly, not quite able to meet Laseema’s eyes, “I’m grateful you consider me a friend.”
“Of course I do.” A thought suddenly hit her. “Did I never tell you that before?” When Fixer shook his head, Laseema told him, “Well, you are. One of my closest, actually.”
“Even though I’m mostly not here?”
“Even then. You’re easy to talk to and even though you’re not good at emotional things, you’re still thoughtful whenever you give me advice.”
His lips twitched. “I consider you one of my closest friends, too. I appreciate your patience and understanding.” He paused, then looked up at her, a vulnerability in his eyes she didn’t think she’d seen before. “Do you think this relationship is worth pursuing?”
“Won’t know until you try. But from what I’ve heard, Hunter is a good man who cares about you. I think he’s worth giving a chance.” Laseema leaned forward, putting her hand on the floor between them. “And if he breaks your heart, I’ll cut his balls off.”
The twitch turned into a tiny smile. “You don’t have to.”
“True. I’ll get Atin to do it.”
He huffed, tone dry with amusement. “I’m perfectly capable of castrating him myself, you know.”
“I know. It’s called solidarity. I’m on your side no matter what.”
Fixer’s expression softened into fondness and he slid his hand forward until he could bump his fingers into Laseema’s. “Thanks.”
She smiled back, letting the moment hang between them. Then her eyes turned mischievous and the tips of her lekku twirled slightly. “So… tell me about him. What about him caught your attention?”
“I accidentally stole his knife while we were tracking his group down. It wasn’t the standard issue knife they had in Kamino. Good quality, well maintained. Despite all the wear there was no rust or stains, some polished over scratches but minimal chipping. The marks on the blade indicated that he preferred to sharpen it by hand instead of with an automated tool. It was obvious how much care he put into it that I felt guilty about taking it.”
Laseema had to hold back a giggle. Only a commando could speak with such reverence about a weapon. Only a commando could make meeting through a manhunt sound romantic. “You learned that much about him just from looking at his knife?”
Fixer leaned back, bracing one hand behind him as he talked about Hunter’s strength and resilience, his warmth and understanding, how he was both headstrong and methodical. Laseema doubted he realized just how much he was talking about Hunter now that he’d been given permission to and with such softness and joy. Laseema hugged her knees to her chest, chin resting on her arms, just as taken by what Fixer said as she was by how he said it. He didn’t even know, did he? Well, he’d figure it out in time. With her help if needed. After all, that’s what friends were for.