ajremix: (crack)
[personal profile] ajremix
Title: Date Crasher
Fandom: DC TV
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 898
Characters: Len, Mick, Barry
Summary: Barry has the weirdest super villain encounter to date.

It had been a hectic day among a hectic week. That's the excuse Barry had for not thinking about why these particular criminals would show up at this particular place and, though he'd never ask, would probably be the same excuse Cisco and Caitlin would use for not doing the same before telling him about it. In a blur of red and lightning, Barry stood next to the villainous pair, hands on his hips, "What are you two up to?"

Heatwave was scowling at him. Not his usual scowl, all wild and uncontrolled but the kind of scowl that, if he didn't have super powers, Barry would've honestly been in fear of his life. Cold's own expression was hard and icy. "You're interrupting a date, if you must know," even as a drawl the words came out biting.

It was also an answer Barry had not been expecting. "A... date?" Which, okay- given they were in a casual dining-type restaurant at a table for two, he supposed he could see that. They were even dressed normally. Or at least without the jackets and goggles and their respective guns. Actually, now that Barry was really looking at them, Cold had on a pair of khakis and a polo shirt while Heatwave had ripped jeans and a stained, worn t-shirt on. "Why are you dressed like that?"

"Not that it's any of your business," Cold said, as if talking to a particularly annoying child, "but Mick here is a mechanic and a single father while I'm the teacher of his struggling but earnest child, both of us failing to pretend we're not horribly attracted to each other."

Barry stared. "What?"

"It's called roleplay, Scarlet. I would assume you, of all people, are familiar with it."

"But... why?"

"Variety's the spice of life," Heatwave finally spoke up, "now piss off."

"Being super villains isn't spice enough for you?"

"We roleplay that in bed often enough, switching it up keeps things interesting," Cold drawled. "Though, now that I think about, we haven't done role reversal yet, have we?" He hummed, reaching out to stroke at his partner's hand. "I'm pretty sure you could fit in my parka."

Heatwave twisted his hand around, grabbing at Cold's, expression less murderous and more fond. "You'd look so damn good firing my heat gun."

Barry gave a horrified shudder, "Oh god- don't say things like that in front of me!"

Heatwave's scowl was back. "What, you some kinda homophobe?" A couple nearby patrons gave Barry dark looks.

"What? No- I'm not- it isn't- sometimes- I can like guys, too!" He slapped a hand over his face because of course that would be how the Flash announces he's bi- as a spluttering mess to two super villains while they're on a date. "I'm much happier not knowing the specifics of my villains' sex lives, thank you."

"If you weren't interrupting our date, that wouldn't be an issue." Cold said, just short of a sneer.

"I can't just go! You two are just going to cause trouble the moment I turn my back!"

"One, neither of us currently have outstanding warrants." As Cold said that, Heatwave raised a breadstick in a toast with a smug grin. "Two, we can't be arrested on the assumption we'll do something illegal without evidence we're actually planning something and if you attack us unprovoked, we will sue." He dropped his voice, low and dangerous. "Which, given I know who you are, you probably don't want to have happen." Cold went back to normal volume as Barry gulped. "Three, we're roleplaying people without criminal backgrounds. That means neither of us are carrying any kind of weapon, we're fully intending on paying for our meal and we even have valid- though fake -IDs."

"But..." Barry waved his arms vaguely, "you're bad guys."

"Bad guys don't spend every waking moment kicking puppies and stealing the walkers out from under old people," Cold drawled. "Sometimes they just want to enjoy the company of their spouse while pretending to be someone for a night."

"You're married?"

"You ever actually look at our records?" Heatwave asked.

Cold's fingers drummed on the table. "Are you convinced that we're on a date and not looking to cause trouble?"

"Well... I guess?"

"Then I suggest, if you're not going to stick around to play the deadbeat brother that dropped out of college and comes begging for money, you can leave us alone."

Barry drew back a bit. "That's kind of mean."

An unamused eyebrow raised at him. "I was planning on getting fucked in the back of a truck tonight, but since you've ruined the illusion I'm not exactly feeling charitable right now."

He made another face. "Ugh, okay, didn't need to know. I'm going to go now. Just... stay out of trouble and have a good rest of your date or whatever and I'm going to try to forget this really weird night." He flashed away, again causing napkins and menus and bills to scatter in the air.

The two glared at the empty space left behind, evidently feeling their roleplay was now beyond salvaging. "Well, Boss? We calling this date a wash?"

"...the night's still young and I know a jewelry store that would be an easy hit. Why don't we give that role reversal a try?"

Heatwave rumbled, grin sharp and full of promise. "Whatever you want, Lenny."
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