ajremix: (humor)
[personal profile] ajremix
Title: An Absolutely 100% Authentic Hanukkah
Fandom: DC TV
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 2321
In Responds to: ColdWave Week 2016: Happy Holidays
Characters: Mick, Len, some Lisa
Summary: By the sixth day- which Len claims is celebrated by a strip scavenger hunt -Mick finally decides to question the validity of these traditions.

He'd known Len was Jewish back in juvie only because, after his close shave with some of the more violent morons, at dinner Len had taken one look at the slop being passed for food and requested a kosher meal. Mick had had all of zero clue as to what that meant until Len- who was damn near persuasive back then as he is now -argued loudly with the warden that not getting him the meal he requested was an infringement on his religion.

Beyond food- not that he adhered to it outside of being locked up because Mick is giving up bacon for no one and the smell of that alone is too much temptation for Len to overcome -Len's Jewishness didn't affect anything else. Except for getting him the attention of some white-supremacists-in-training but that was going to happen once they found out he's part black anyway. Mick didn't mind that too much as it let him blow off some steam beating their asses down. But asides from food, Len's just a regular guy. Ignoring all the ways he's extraordinary which Mick is pretty certain isn't because of his religion. So Mick never really thinks about what being Jewish means, even when they find each other again years after juvie.

It takes a couple years for them to reach the point where they spend almost all their time together even outside of planning jobs, deciding to become equal partners and Mick has to admit it's kind of nice. Especially the part where they end up falling into bed together and deciding to make that a regular thing. It's only a year after that that Len trusts Mick enough to have Lisa live with them. Never mind that Lisa's been comfortable around Mick since before he started sleeping with her brother and finds Len's paranoia ridiculous. Personally Mick finds the amount of shit Lisa doesn't let Len get away with hilarious.

The first time December rolls around for the three of them, Mick asks if they ever celebrated Christmas because despite Len and his mother being Jewish- and Lisa, though Mick stopped paying attention to Len's explanation on why she technically wasn't ten seconds in -Lewis and Lisa's mother hadn't been. Turns out they'd only gotten a few years of proper Christmas that Lisa barely remembers before her mother left and Lewis... well, it's no surprise how little awareness he showed toward the holiday.

So Mick decides, for the first time since he lost his family, to go all out for them. He buys cases of lights, a wreath, candy canes, giant bows, kitschy angels, spray snow, plastic reindeer, inflatable Santas and snowmen and gift after gift after gift...

He may have gone a little overboard. But it's totally worth all those hours he spent gathering everything and putting them up while Len and Lisa had gone ice skating, seeing the expression on their faces as they returned. Lisa laughs loudly, eyes bright as she runs from one side of the house to the other, inside and out, trying to see every single decoration like she might miss something important. When Mick reveals they still have to decorate the tree, she immediately takes charge, directing the two men in meticulous placement of each ornament. Len alternates between shaking his head scoffing and giving Mick a dry, disbelieving look. Neither of which hide the undeniable fondness at his sister's excitement. The way he moves against Mick that night with a tenderness that hadn't been there before, Mick does not for a moment think a coincidence.

This year, though, they celebrating Hanukkah. Which, asides from the menorah and lasting a week, Mick knows absolutely nothing about.

It apparently starts, when Mick steps into the kitchen the morning of, with a box full of jelly donuts. Len and Lisa call them sufganiyot but as the box has LaMar's Donuts on it, Mick is somewhat dubious. He accepts the fried and sweet pastries though because he's not dumb enough not to.

Most of the first day is taken up with grocery shopping because apparently, according to the Snarts, there's an entire fucking menu for Hanukkah. Mick just rolls his eyes and pushes the cart along- he does most of the cooking anyway so it's not much different from the rest of the year.

When they get back to the house, Len puts a pig figurine on the mantle. On its back is a plate to put a candle on which he does and lights. Mick stares at it. "The hell is that?"

"The Hanukkah pig."

"The what?"

"Hamish the Hanukkah pig, Mick," Lisa says like it's obvious. "Why do you think we don't eat pork?"

"Bit of a faux pas to celebrate Hanukkah after you've eaten the mascot."

Then Len breaks out and explains the menorah, lighting the first candle. They have pizza delivery for dinner- Mick questions how that's possibly tradition, Len goes into a spiel about oil and cheese and Mick regrets the question.

But he accepts it all because what the hell does he know? After that, Lisa teaches him how to play the dreidel. Mick isn't certain if playing for gelt is part of the actual tradition or if it's something the Snarts just did. Seems a little too much like gambling to him. Not that it matters in the long run because Lisa cleans him out. If there's a way to cheat at spinning tops, Mick is definitely certain the Snarts would've figured it out.

After, Lisa gives Mick a new zippo with a pin-up girl printed on the side. Len gives Lisa her own gift- a discman, headphones and the latest Madonna cd. Her initial glee quickly transforms into disgust as she looks at her brother. "Ugh," she holds the items close to her chest as she retreats to her room, "I hate you so much."

Mick has no idea what brought that on until Len drags him to bed.

The second day fucking sucks because Mick is standing outside in the cold and snow grilling ribs like a goddamn moron because the Jews invented barbeque while under siege or whatever bullshit Len claims. Mick grumbles darkly under his wool knit cap and scarf combination- given to him earlier that day by Lisa -and if it wasn't for the space heater next to him, Mick would've told this particular tradition to fuck off.

It isn't until he's taken the asparagus off the grill that he remembers neither Len or Lisa even knew what asparagus was until Mick made them eat it.

If it wasn't for the food itself, plus something Len calls a Mazel Tov Cocktail that's more gin than wine, Mick would've groused through the rest of the night. The fact that, after Lisa goes to bed, Len fucks him long and slow as Mick stares fixated at the fire in the fireplace does a lot toward making up for the day.

The third day is much, much better as, asides from the morning's jelly donut run and a pause for pan-seared salmon and roasted potatoes for dinner, the three stay inside and do nothing but play games all day. Board games, card games, dreidel- and unsurprisingly Len manages to find a way to include wagering gelt into every single one. What makes it even better is Len getting somewhat disgruntled because, halfway through the first round of Uno, Lisa betrays him by teaming up with Mick, making sure Len wins nothing for the rest of the night. Len pretends he's still miffed about it but between getting to see his two favorite people enjoying themselves and Mick giving him a blowjob after, they both know he's lying.

They light the menorah early on the fourth day as Lisa has to leave, having been invited to a weekend-long New Years slumber party with her friends. She gives Mick three wrapped gifts saying he could only open one per day. Because Mick isn't known for his patience, he opens them all after she leaves. Two are thick boot socks. The third is also socks- the super fuzzy, warm kind with little round grips at the bottom. They're stripped and have a cute little tiger face sown onto the cuff. Mick absolutely loves them. That evening, after a matzo lasagna, Mick and Len play with the dreidel again, this time using payment decidedly less innocent than gold-foil wrapped chocolate coins. Mick prefers this version- they both came out the winner.

The fifth day Len calls the Sabbath- which, Mick is surprised to learn, has nothing to do with the band -which is a day of rest. Which means they don't leave their bed outside of practical reasons which gives them plenty to stay occupied with while a brisket slow roasts in the oven. Mick is a fan of non-band-related Sabbath.

By the sixth day- which Len claims is celebrated by a strip scavenger hunt -Mick finally decides to question the validity of all these traditions.

"Doesn't seem like the kind of tradition you'd celebrate with kids around. Like your sister."

Len just gives a half-smirk, the kind Mick still has trouble figuring out if he's covering up an amusing lie or if he's just that amused. "Originally kids get gelt for every item they find. But, considering Lisa and no other child is around," Len's grin grows, leaning in until Mick can feel the heat of his breath, "I figured we could do the adult version, instead."

"Makes sense."

The day Mick turns down a chance to see Len naked is the day he dies. The way Len watches intently as Mick makes a noodle kugel wearing nothing but an apron and tiger socks rounds the day off nicely.

The seventh day Lisa returns and it's a pretty chill affair. She gives Mick a kosher cookbook, then they sit around, snarking at whatever is on the tv and eating latkes and Chinese take-out.

"Oil," Len explains pre-emptively.

"Whatever," Mick says before popping an overly steamed broccoli in his mouth.

They light the menorah and play cards for the rest of the night. In bed, Mick and Len roll together like neither can stand to be apart.

The eight day Len and Lisa make Mick dress for the outdoors. He complains up until he gets two feet outside. There's a brand new motorcycle sitting there, all black and chrome. The body is powerful, the engine is powerful, the wheels are thick and beefy and a childish part in Mick's brain thinks he could go right through a barn wall with this thing.

He looks back at the siblings helplessly. "What's this?"

"Yours," Len says, as if that's an answer.

"For being a good sport about everything," Lisa elaborates. "You had to have guessed we were pulling your leg pretty much all week, right? So we figured we'd get you something extra nice for your eighth present."

That makes Mick stop and think back. Lisa has, in fact, given him eight gifts. Thinking about it more, sex every day for a week- though enjoyable -was a bit much for them. He frowns, "I didn't get you guys anything."

"You cooked," Len said, as if they hadn't tricked Mick into doing so. Not that he had a problem cooking for the siblings.

"So," Lisa drawls lightly, her eyes bright on Mick's new bike, "you gonna teach me how to ride?"

"Maybe in the spring." On a smaller, less powerful bike. Maybe a moped. Mick wants to stare the his gift for days and days but, even with long johns and heavy jacket, he's freezing his balls off. He goes over to the bike, admiring the gleam of fresh paint and begins pushing it into the garage.

Back inside, Len makes sure Lisa's completed all of her winter break homework while Mick makes challah french toast. The rest of the day goes fairly normally and Mick gets the honor of lighting the menorah for the last time. He also learns that Len's gifts to Lisa have also been bribes to get her to go to her room early: a tv/vcr, a telephone in her room, a bunch of new magazines, a cd from the latest boy band and, of course, lots of gold jewelry.

That night her gift is The Princess Bride on vhs and Lisa says, just before going to her room, "I can't wait to move out so I don't have to pretend I don't know what you're doing."

Once he hears Lisa's door close, Mick goes to corner Len in the kitchen where he's putting the last dish in the drying rack. "Enjoy your holiday?" Mick growls in Len's ear, enjoying the shiver that gets him.

"Out of curiosity, at what point did you realize we were just making things up?"

"I got suspicions when you broke out the Hanukkah pig."

Len turns, grinning the kind of grin he does when he knows he'd done something too over the top to be convincing but is unable to help himself. "And you still went with it anyway. Mick Rory, are you getting soft on me?"

"Mostly I wasn't completely sure when you were fucking with me and when you weren't. But I gotta ask," Mick says slowly. "Did I really get eight days of sex because you couldn't think of what to get me?" More likely, Mick thinks, Len was worried if he pulled too many heists off in one month, Mick would hear about it and figure it out.

Len lifts an eyebrow, trying not to look visibly uncertain. "Are you complaining?"

"Hell no. I was hoping that was one of your traditions."

His lips quirk in a smile. "I don't see why it can't be."

Mick crowds into Len's space, arms bracketing him against the counter, liking the way Len's hands tug lightly at his shirt as if Mick might actually move away. "I love Hanukkah."

September 2017

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